doreen967
4 months - A New Me
Jul 05, 2011
Before my surgery I was overcome by the fear that I may never again be able to participate in holidays and festivities in the same way if I could not participate in the feeding frenzy that normally accompanied these events with my family and friends. Sunday was my 4 month anniversary from my date of surgery, and I have to admit, it almost went by without me even noticing. I was so busy planning my 4th of July cookout for friends that it did not even enter my mind, which is really incredible since for the 1st few months all I could do was focus on my surgery, my diet and the scale. For the 1st time since surgery, I planned my menu as I normally would in the past with chicken kabobs, bratwurst, pasta salad, fruit salad, deviled eggs, pepperoni pizza puffs and hummingbird cupcakes. Not entirely WLS friendly, but to my suprise, I was not tempted by the foods that were bad for me. In fact, I did not miss them at all! I did have plenty options to eat and I never felt left out in the least. I ate a small chicken kabob, a deviled egg and a tiny bite of the salads. I have realized that I enjoy cooking now more than actually eating, and get more enjoyment watching others enjoy meals I prepare for them. Crazy, hua? My eating habits have become more natural now and I don’t find myself sitting looking at menus longing for the days I could eat ½ of a large pizza at one sitting. I don’t miss gorging myself with potato chips and soda while lounging around watching TV and don’t even miss the large tub of popcorn at the movie theater. I am so much happier being in the theater fitting comfortably in my seat, being able to sit in my living room and get off the couch with much less effort, and fitting easily into any seat in any restaurant.
Though my weight loss has slowed quite a bit, it is still coming off steadily. I am down 82 lbs total, 70 lbs since my surgery 4 months ago. I am in the smallest sizes of clothes I have in my closet and will need to buy more once these are too big. I figure I can stretch it for about another couple of months. The pile of clothes for Goodwill is growing larger every day and I am trying to decide whether I want to keep an old pair of jeans to remind me where I came from, but part of me wants to just get rid of it all and never look back. I go for my next follow up with the doctor in 2 weeks, and I am looking forward to seeing my nutrition levels. For the most part I am feeling pretty good. I did have an issue a few weeks ago when I decided to walk a 5K with people at work for the 1st time. I felt fine during the walk, though it was rather hot. Once I finished and sat down for a few minutes and when I stood up again, my vision went completely blurry and I got a little dizzy. I spoke with the nurse at work and was told that is was more than likely low blood sugar. I ate a small breakfast, but it is possible that the tiny amount of food I ate was not enough to sustain me through a walk that was a bit more than I have been accustomed to. Next time I will drink a protein shake as well before doing something like that. Every now and then I will stand up and get a little dizzy but it passes quickly. I am not entirely sure if my blood sugar is getting a bit low, if my blood pressure is a little low, or if I am somehow vitamin deficient. I will talk to my doctor about it when I see him. Other than that I feel great!
I am beginning to feel more comfortable in my own skin, and I cannot tell you how incredible that feels. I went swimming in a friends pool with friends without being mortified of letting them see me in a bathing suit, I can sit with my legs crossed again, I don’t feel morbidly obese anymore and don’t feel people looking at me with disgust, I am learning to accept compliments on my appearance and even enjoy putting on clothes without getting frustrated with how they fit. What a difference 4 months has made. The best way I can describe it is that the old me is beginning to come more into focus. It has affected my body, my mind and my spirit; and it is noticeable to everyone around me. My RNY has done so much more than move the scale in the right direction. My brother said it best a few weeks ago when he called my mom to tell her that he loves his "new" sister. Not just the weight loss, but the new person I am becoming from the inside out. I guess I never realized how much I had changed over the years as a result of my weight gain. All this excess weight has has been suffocating me both physically and emotionally. I have come to realize that missed the real me. I nearly forgot who she was! Being held hostage by the severly overweight and overly cautious me I created over the years, who was designed to not draw attention to myself to avoid being hurt or embarrased. That person is slowly being pushed aside to let the girl I once was back in to run the show. All this time I had convinced myself that my weight was only a physical limitation, boy was I wrong. It's like I not only had WLS but also brain surgery in a way. Now that was something I didn't count on, but it has been one awesome side effect!
