One Year Post Op

Dec 23, 2010

Technically, I'm 1 week beyond my 1 year post op surgiversary.  I can't believe it's already been a year.  And what a difference a year makes!  I'm currently at 255 lbs.  I still have another 90 lbs to get to my goal of 165.  I know at 165, I'll probably still be considered slightly overweight due to my height (5'3").  However, I want to be toned and muscular so I'm going for 165.  Besides, 165 will be my lowest weight since high school so I won't complain.  I have 56 lbs to get to onederland.  I can't even believe it. 

I don't get out here to OH too often because it seems I'm busy on other sites like You Tube and Facebook.  You can find me as Dottie May on Facebook if you like.  I've found such fabulous support throughout all of these social networks.  I do not attend an in person support group. 

I'm exercising at least 30 minutes every day!  Yes, EVERY day.  I myself can't believe it.  A year ago...exercise was a four letter word that I'd rather not talk about.  But, now I love it.  I'm actually disappointed if I miss a day.  Winter time is a bit challenging finding activities that inside.  I can't afford a gym membership.  I have 4 or 5 DVDs that I do - switching it up because otherwise I will get bored.  I also have a weight bench and will be starting weight training regularly.  I also have a Wii Fit Plus and use that as exercise too. 

I'll be honest, I have had a few pieces of candy this Christmas season as well as a few cookies.  But I don't eat near the amount of junk food I used to.  When I eat meals, I use a cup size bowl or a small salad plate.  I eat protein first and then veg. Rarely I'll have a little carb, but most of the time I don't because I get too full on the protein and veg. 

I really enjoy the fact that food is not so important to me anymore.  I now eat to live.  It is my fuel and nothing more.  I do not overeat, I no longer do emotional eating.  I feel as though I've been completely cured of all of those negative eating habits of the past. 

When I do feel emotional and I do...I usually go for a walk and I take my camera along because I love taking photos.  

There have been some emotional ups and downs.  When I was really heavy, I had no self esteem or confidence. I was basically a door mat - easy to walk on.  However, now I've discovered my voice.  And I've learned that some people don't like it.  One of my friends has actually defriended me.  But, that's okay because I don't have time for pettiness and drama.  I've learned that I make better friends with guys.  They will air their feelings and be done...they don't get all dramatic and petty.  I just don't like all the drama.  My best friend is a guy.  The funny thing too... each of my daughters best friends are also guys.  It appears that they too don't like all the drama.  I was looking at some old photos back from 8th grade and there I was pictured with 3 guys.  Apparently being friends with guys has always worked better for me, I just never really saw or realized it until recently. 

My husband has felt some insecurity.  I believe that stems from the fact he had an affair back in 2005.  He had gastric bypass surgery in 2002.  He did very well with it. In 2005, he crossed the line.  I'm pretty certain if I would've had any shred of self confidence, our relationship would've probably been over.  But, I didn't.  He did leave for a while and lived with THAT girl whom I thought was a friend...apparently NOT.  I was devastated and cried all the time.  My mom was also not doing well at the time. I vividly remember praying...please I don't want to lose both of them at the same time.  My husband realized the grass wasn't greener on the other side and came back apologizing.  February of 2006, my mom passed away.  So I guess...a prayer was answered.  It was very difficult losing my mom...but I didn't lose my husband.   Boy did I go off on a probably unnecessary tangent.  

I have a lot more confidence now and there have been little things between my husband and I.  For instance, he kept bugging about me wanting to exercise alone.  Exercise is my me time and that's how I wanted it.  But everytime I'd say I need to exercise, he'd say something or pout or whatever.  It really irritated me and was pushing me away.  I finally snapped one day and said "What is the big deal!"  I think I caught him off guard. He wasn't used to me voicing my opinion.  He better get used it though because this girl, she is learning who she is and finding comfort in it.  She's embracing her new self.  Life is getting better and better everyday. 

I am ever so grateful for choosing to have the surgery and health benefits I'm gaining from it.  I'm quite frankly a new person.  I'm excited to see what it will be like when I'm at goal.

P.S.  I'm now off all blood pressure meds and the metformin I was on!! 

Peace, Love and Joy to all,
Dottie

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