drama_mamma

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Recently, I realized how this journey is not just an adjustment for your body but your head also.

Little over a week ago, I was able to get last minute tickets to the Toby Mac/Jeremy Camp concert.  Only two tickets so our oldest son joined me.  We had a meet and greet with Toby, Jeremy and Matthew West (it was amazing - 14th row seats too).  After I got the pictures back I had to do a double take - were was I.  I was just a normal sized person.  In the past I always stuck out like a sore thumb cuz I was the biggest.

This weekend we went to a waterpark/hotel.  To be in a bathing suit, which I still would have done obese, and not have my weight on my mind.  I didn't shy from the camera.  I didn't feel akward on the tubes or fear that I would get stuck in the slide - honest past fear.

I was talking to another mom there.  She was obese and I kept thinking, she doesn't know that I've walked those shoes before.

While at the waterpark, I ran into an old friend from high school.  I've seen her since high school but not for over 10 years.  I don't believe she ever saw me at my highest (300 pounds).  I currently weigh what I did in high school (however my body is not as tight as it was).  I wasn't thinking "my gosh she must think that I've really let myself go".  I was thinking "huh, I don't look that much different than in high school (except older and less tone)

As an obese woman, I didn't think I let my weight get in the way THAT much.  I was still fairly active, game for almost anything and still willing to wear a bathing suit in public.  I now realize how much I let my size get in the way - how could it not.

It is hard to believe how much has changed in less than 5 months.  I am down 81 pounds and can shop at many "normal" stores.  It is odd to be able to go into stores like Old Navy and buy things and actually having a selection to choose from.  I still have 45 pounds to go to goal.

I haven't been exercising due to the broken foot.  It was quite frustrating the first two weeks but I'm getting used to it.  The cast should be off by Christmas and I should be able to start running again in mid/late February pending no pain.

This new way of life has not been a challenge.  It just seems very natural.

Two months and life is GOOD.  I'm feeling great.  I have all of my energy back and then some and am feeling GOOD.

On Sunday, I celebrated my two month anniversary by going mountain biking with my family.  It was great.  I felt like a kid again!

I am down 49.5 pounds and have lost 24 inches - TWO FEET!

Eating and drinking are going well.  I'm watching my carbs and getting my protein and supplements in.

Well, just over six weeks.  I can't believe how far I've come in six weeks.  My energy is still not were I'd like it to be but I also have to get out and exercise and I know that would help.  Got to get my butt in gear.

I'm recovering fine.  I do have twinges of pain off to the side of my belly button but the nurse felt that was adhesions.  I tend to have more adhesions too.  That really has been my only complaint about pain and it's really not that bad.

What's life like now... I definitely eat differently.  I've watched people eat the things I used to chow down on and I'm doing ok with it.  I know that in the future I may be able to have small portions of those things (like ice cream).  For now I'll just lick the drips off my son's cone.

I feel like I am eating all day long in order to get the protein in but then when I think about it I'm not really eating all day long.  Guess food just isn't the same for me anymore.

I eat mainly protein, like a good DSer should.  At this point I don't have room for anything else.  My desire for food is gone right now.  If I was not dedicated to the protein, I think I could go all day without eating.  Not that I would recommend that, I think I would end up feeling horrible.

All in all life is good.  I would have this surgery again in a heartbeat.  Down 34 pounds in 6 weeks!

I was on the OR table.  I remember them putting the mask over my face, counting down from three, then.... waking up in a dark room, though I remember the lights on the ceiling, and a woman right in my face calling "what's your pain?" and telling me the time.  Then she'd come back a few minutes later, tell me the time and ask my pain.  Very dream like.

It is hard to believe a month has already gone by.  That's what everyone says about time passing - always too quick.  But then again, I wish I could fast forward a couple months and be further on my recovery.  But then again, I don't want time to move too fast.  My baby is going to kindergarden this year. (sniffle)

Each week is getting better and better.  I still tire easily - doesn't help that there's so much rain parts of MN are flooding.  This is a different surgery than others - it's the begining of a new way of life.

Food is so different now.  I don't feel hungry often, if I am it's more of a upset feeling.  I eat smaller, more frequent meals in order to get most of the required protein in.  Sometimes I'll eat something that taste good, goes down well and then try it a day later and I can hardly eat it.  I have a mental craving for something, then get it and don't eat it or eat very little.

For once in my life my Mom is asking if I am eating and eating enough.

I'm still not feeling great so I can't say "I have so much energy. Life is wonderful."  In all honesty, life is not wonderful right now (it's not horrible either) but I am still very thankful I found this surgery and was able to have it.  I know good things are in store for me in the near future.  I know that I have done things to improve my long term health.

At three weeks out I can say that I am glad I did this. I am down 27 pounds and feeling better.  My foot pain is already gone.  There are shoes I did not wear very often because my feet hurt - I'm wearing them all day now.  And that's just after 27 pounds.  Imagine after 100 pounds.

It is a life style change.  I cannot eat very much and that can play a head game on you.  I never thought one egg would fill me but it does.  When I say that to my mom she says "Isn't that what it's supposed to do". 

I have had a few low points with emotions.  Last week I had a major low point.  At 2am I was posting my deepest emotions.  It felt good to get them out.  I left the post for a few days and then deleted it.  I'm doing much better now.

Along this journey I have felt things I never thought I would.  At one point I was afraid to loose weight.  I was talking to my dh about it and he said it was probably because of change - I think he was right.  Then at time I would like to just fast forward a few months and really start feeling good. 

I had my post op appointment and am doing very well.  I am walking over 1/2 mile a day.  I had been going 2+ miles on the eliptical prior to surgery.

I'm looking forward to having my energy back.

I am feeling pretty good post op.  I get tired quick and most of my evenings are spent on the couch.  I've been walking a lot - mostly around the house since it is blasted hot and humid this week.  I still have a little pain at the incision site.  Mostly a burning at the top if I twist my torso.  Little bit of pain at my waste too.  i've been taking my pain meds right around every 4 - 6 hours.  I've thought of just waiting until I need them but I'm afraid to have the pain get away from me.

I was release on purees but after a few days of vomitting, I backed down to clear liquids for about 20 hours and then just started with a few full liquids.  Tummy is feeling much better now.

One thing that I think of when I step on the scale and watch the numbers go down - "I will never see these numbers on the scale again" - and that feels so good.  I am down 16 pounds from my surgery day weight and down 27 pounds from my highest weight this winter.

Mentally I'm doing good.  I just keep reminding myself - this too shall pass.  Those difficulties are starting to pass.

I feel so blessed.  I have wonderful family and friends and this surgery has just brought out their kindness.  God has placed many wonderful people in my life and for that I am very thankful.

I have four days left.  I can't believe I am almost there and the range of emotions.  My main emotions are curiosity, excitement and peace.  I was having a hard time about 3 weeks pre-op and just prayed that the Holy Spirit dwell among me and give me peace.  Now I just wish some of my family could have some of that peace too.

DH is being very supportive.  I have spent a lot of time researching everything - very typical for me.  I just want to know what to expect going into this.

I can't wait for this to be over and on to a better quality of life.  I can't wait to be more active, this foot pain to end, see my feet, see children under me so I don't plow them over, cross my legs, put my shoes on without having to spread my legs so far apart, shop in the "normal" size section.  I know there will be many things I don't realize now.

Wow - only four days left.  I'm sure I will be saying "my one-year surgerversary" in no time!

Yes, it's getting closer and I am at the two week countdown.  I've watched so many get to this point and was excited for them - I can't believe it's almost here for me.

I woke up this morning at 5:00 and thought "in two weeks, I'll be on my way to the hospital".  Then I thought "I'd better set two alarms that day.  What if one does not go off."  I am such a freak - I always have plan B lined up.

Not intentionally but my husband took a truly horrible picture of me on the 4th.  It was a side shot of me reclined in a lawn chair - wow my stomach and chins looked HUGE.  I am surprised someone did not ask me when I was due.  All I could think was "Thank goodness I am having this surgery"  I don't have to look or feel like that again.  I do say, type actually, this with a chuckle - cuz I know it is all ending in two weeks.  That active, healthy woman inside is bustin' to get out - I've just been shutting her up with food most of my life.

I keep thinking about the future and what life will be like.  Two weeks ago we were camping and the campground had a water park.  This was our sixth year at this campground.   As I'm floating on the lazy river, very top heavy on that tube mind you, I keep thinking "what will this be like next year".  I think about what I'm going to look and feel like when - the kids go to school in September, at Christmas, next Spring when I start putting shorts on again, next summer, in two years, in five years, in 10 years.

We've joined the new Lifetime Fitness near us and I've been going 3-4 times a week.  I've gone with a few friends, who are at least 100 pounds lighter, at different times.  I was able to go 15 minutes more, at a faster pace, on the eliptical machine than one of them and I lifted almost twice as much as both of them.  I joke that under this insolated cooler I have a six pack.  I think - if this is what I can do obese imagine what I can do when the weight comes off.

It may sound funny but It's a lot like when I was pregnant - trying to picture what the future will be like.  How I will feel.  Trying to expect the unexpected.  You all have been my "What to Expect When You're Expecting".

I know one things for sure - I'm ending this unhealthy life style for good.  As many of us, much of my family is obese.  My dad was obese all his life.  I said my final good byes to him ten years ago when he lost his battle with cancer.  He was 55.  All those obese related co-morbidities  - he had them.  I was 23 and not ready to live life without Dad.  He's missed out on too much

To my OH family - thank you.  Thank you for your insight, advice, stories, successes, struggles and support.  I feel very blessed to have found this site.

I need you all, expecially in the coming weeks and months.  So please be praying and swinging chickens and all the other stuff.

Stacie

Your Birthdate: July 15

You take life as it is, and you find happiness in a variety of things. You tend to be close to family and friends. But it's hard to get into your inner circle. Making the little things wonderful is important to you, and you probably have an inviting home. You seek harmony with others, but occasionally you have a very stubborn streak. Your strength: Your intense optimism Your weakness: You shy away from exploring your talents Your power color: Jade Your power symbol: Flower Your power month: June