dre_1974

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Okay so I was a little over the top last night. I was just so done with the week. I spoke to soon about not having had a headache too. I woke up this morning with a killer. But I think that it was a sinus thing and not necessarily because I am not getting enough food. I had a cup of coffee and a shake. Later I had an apple. I have had 20oz of tea and am working on my next 20oz. I bought myself a water jug from Starbucks that has the ounces listed on the side so I can keep track. I like that. I am doing laundry today. Not to bad. I have to clean up after my dogs and will try and do that later this evening when things have cooled down some. 

The weather has been great lately but I will only be able to go out side during that day for a little while before I will just get too hot. I wonder if after the surgery I will not get so overheated all the time? I hope so because I hate getting sweaty and red in the face. It makes me feel even fatter.

My little sister’s wedding is coming up in June and I hope that I will have lost a lot of weight by then, drinking the shakes and exercising. I don’t want to be fat in her wedding pictures but it looks like that is going to be the case. I will not be able to have the surgery before we leave for Montana . But I am so happy for her and it really isn’t about me. That day will be all about her and I should not really worry. My Dad wants me to make a speech at the reception and I know that I will not because I really hate talking in crowds. But Karen might, she is good at that. She told me after we got married that she had planned on adding her own vows but that I had done an okay job at holding it all together and not crying through the whole thing, she thought better of it. I totally would have lost it. But it is okay because she tells me special stuff all the time. I am lucky to have someone that loves me as much as she does. I know that many people don’t have that with their partners.

I am watching 200 cigarettes right now. It is a pretty good movie. Karen’s asleep finally, poor thing, she has to work tonight and it will be busy busting all the drunks from the St. Patty’s Day parties. Gabriel (my boxer) is crashed out on the end of the bed. I think I will sign off for now and watch my movie.

So I got some bad news from the Digestive Health Center when I called to check that they had received the scanned copy of my weight loss chart from Curves. The girl I talked with said that they, the insurance company will not take the Curves weight, that it must be a physicians weights. Well that isn’t true because when I was there to see the coordinator and go over all the things that I needed to do, she explained that we could use the Curves starting weight for the 5% loss. This is a requirement of my insurance. I was excited!! We even had the girl come in to the examination room to double check that we could do this. Apparently she sends all the information to insurance and would be the person to know the rules. She told us that we could do that. Now the rules have change per her and I am upset. I wrote an email to the coordinator explaining what was going on (she’s out of town) and hopefully she will get it all straightened out. I will stop by and see her when I am there for my endoscope next Friday. 

So just in case I will not be able to use the Curves starting weight I have kicked it up with the protein shakes and exercise. 3 shakes a day, 80oz of clear liquids and an apple. God I hope that I can get it down before submit time. I want this more than I have ever wanted anything in my life! I feel a little groggy right now but that could also be because it is after bed time and I have been staring at the computer for about 3 hours straight. Wow, you think? I am surprise that I didn’t start getting headaches when I started the shake to begin with. But all has been well there.

Unfortunately Karen isn’t very supportive right now. I think she is scared that I will die on the operating table or from complications later. I know the risks, but the risk of drowning in this fat, is by far worse for me. She has her own stuff going on, stuff that she doesn’t want to share with m e because I get upset (crying) and I think that makes her feel bad. Anyway….

Boy has this week sucked! I think that the whole “spring forward” thing is stupid anyway, but it really affected me this year for some reason. Maybe because I really have to be awake and focused with my new job and at the other one I could basically screw around all day. Oh the good life. I really dislike the person who partners me in reception duties at work. We are supposed to be a team and she is just the weirdest person I have ever met! I don’t remember if I have talked about her here yet or not, but here goes with the bitch session. She is manic GO, GO, GO! Now I understand the need to be on top of the general duties of the job, but if the damn fax sits in the received tray for 3 mins while I get to a place that I feel comfortable in breaking off my concentration, before jumping up and running it to the attorney, then damnitall, it can sit there! I swear she is just out to get me for what ever reason. 

Okay I am done, no more swearing. I had just had it today with her though. The major thing for me is that she doesn’t respect me or the experience I have in this field. Granted I am new to the world of state government, but I have been working in the Administrative/Clerical field for the last 12 yrs. Don’t discount that or me. You will be sorry. I don’t like being treated as though I am less than and to be perfectly honest here, I believe that this happens more often than not because of my weight. Like I am not intelligent because I am fat or that I can’t do a good job at something. People and their preconceived notions of others. SICK.   

I thank everyone who has been a support to me and answered from the Q&A I have put in on the site.

Have a great weekend! I am thankful because every day is one day closer to my new life.

I just remembered that I have been TiVoing Sit and Be Fit! I will do that first and then veg in front of the tube.

I have done it with much hard work and a little starving myself. But thank you god I did it! I will take this information to the surgery center when I go to have my endoscope done on the 23^rd of this month. Then I have the psych evaluation on April 5^th and come May I can submit. I really couldn’t be happier when the scale showed 4lbs loss from the last weight in. I really have been trying and it has paid off.

Still going to eat the protein shakes to keep the weight off and for the convenience. I make a 2 cup batch in the morning and have my breakfast one and pack up the other for lunch. I am saving tons of money this way too!

I went to Play It Again Sports today to trade in a recumbent bike and a trampoline for credit towards an elliptical machine. I tried it out and I REALLY like it. Low impact but if you get your but into gear you can burn some calories! I have $234.99 to pay on it still and will do that long before the surgery rolls around. Wonder how long I will have to wait before exercising again?

I tried to go to the gym today but they close at noon. Come on, who has a gym that closes at noon on Saturday and is closed on Sunday, when people can actually get in there to work out? Crazy! Then, get this; I go to the high school so that I can walk the track, because I am determined to walk before all the rain starts again, nope! It is all locked up like fort Knox . So screw it! I am going to watch some TV because now it is raining buckets. I tried. 

I have a date for my psych evaluation and am waiting to hear from the endocopy center to schedule that test. This ia all good new but I am a little depress right now and poor Karen, well I took it out on her. What a good sport she is. I have been really diligent about what I am eating and working out at Curves. The weather has been great the last few days and I walked all through my hour lunch. Today is rained through my lunch, of course and then was sunshiny all afternoon. But the issue is that I went to workout and I weighted myself and NOTHING! I have been practically starving myself and nothing. My food intake is something like this:

Breakfast: 1 8oz EAS vanilla shake w/nonfat milk 
Mid morning: apple or fruit cup 
Lunch: 1 8oz EAS vanilla shake w/nonfat milk 
Mid afternoon: 1/3 cup smoked almonds 
Dinner: 2 Grilled zucchini, mushrooms, lettuce, bit of sour cream burrito 

I think this is a good diet to loose the weight with. But something isn’t right. I wrote an email to my dietitian and will wait to hear from her if maybe I am not supposed to be eating the protein shakes yet? I thought I would be making some headway by getting myself used to the taste and the smaller meals early, less system shock later on.

I had been walking around the capital mall area here in Salem and there are a lot of park/sitting areas that will be nice this summer. Oregon weather means rain, but I can handle it.

I am going to get ready for bed now. I hope that I can turn off my brain long enough to get a good nights sleep. I need my beauty rest!

I am looking for people who are pre and post op to chat with about surgery and anyone who shares my interests. I don’t have a lot of people around me who have had the surgery and there are no support groups in my area. Wondering what types of things I will need to expect before surgery, what my diet will be like after and all that other stuff.  

Today is my second day with the protein shakes and all is going well. They taste pretty good and I like the control that I am feeling with taking this next step towards my goal, even though I am still waiting to submit my paperwork. I had some hungry times yesterday but I tried to make healthy chooses, almonds and apples before corn dogs and chocolate. I had two shakes, one in the morning about 9am. At about 11 I had boiled soybeans to munch on and then another shake at about 2:30pm. Around 4 I had 1/3 cup smoked almond and homemade split pea soup with biscuits at 7pm. Later I had an apple and 2 crunch stix. I think I did pretty good.

I got up this morning and made Karen 2 eggs, 3 strips of bacon and 2 pieces of toast. She doesn’t like the whites so I ate them with ½ piece of toast and then had my coffee. I had a shake about 30 mins later and I will make another shake here in about an hour, hour & ½.

I can’t wait to get back to Curves tomorrow and weight in. 

I just found out that my doctor did an ultrasound of my liver in 2004 and I will not have to do that again, thank god. Also completed my additional blood testing this afternoon. I am waiting on OHSU Digestive Health Center to schedule my psych evaluation and upper GI or a scope (something like that) and lose 5 more lbs and I am set!