david kern

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well lets just say its been a while , things are going well for the most part accept  the one thing i have ever wanted was too be accepted bye people that dont even know  me  now that im there WOW when your big all your life and u get too a point where u blend in with people things are sure different , and  now im coming too the point where i know my life is changed some for the better and some for the worst , i  see people that new who i was i can walk rate bye or i can say hi , when i say hi they dont even know who i am , which kind hurts ,  something i wanted so bad i almost feel ashamed for what i have done  , i think too myself i have worked so hard no one has handed me anything , it is me im still the same inside  like i should not care what they think , but not all the past was bad and the memories are in my head i just wish people could see me for who i am , my heart still bleeds and my soul still hurts ..........

1 15 oz can balck beans puree then
1tbl coffee
1tbl vinalla
6 tbls coco powder

mix together

1 tsp bake powder
1/2 tsp bake soda
1/4 tsp salt

6 tbl butter or margrine

cream together

add  5 eggs

mix all together


1 cup of sweetner of choice


may add portein powder for boost

bake in oven at 350

35 min or untill cake is done

wow hard too even think it 16 months into my new life its going so fast , i had tummy tuck which i was very happy too have , the first surgery went well i woke up i was resting in recovery , im up walking around felling not too bad , so i have too use the bathroom before i can go home , i feel good so i ask for dunkin donuts coffee maybee if i drink that i can go home ,well i had muscle work and hernia taking care of , so i sitting there i get up ,and the three drains start filling up , and the blood is going everwhere , im freaking scared now , my dr comes in back into surgery i go  for my seond one the same day but this time it does not look well , there not sure so my dr and another dr both work on it together , they find i have three blood clots as they pack each one  took them almost three more hours of work , and trip too the hsopital for overnight, so quart down and low iron im fighting being tierd all the time i will make it dr was very good  i would recomand him three times over it was not him  so great job dr

well all what a ride ! some days good , some bad days , as i work on getting my life straight ? i though it was straight but too live like there is no tommorow , i must enjoy whats going on today . i  wonder why u we all dream of being something and then when u reach for it and get it ! whats next as i look around  ?

You have
   to be uncompromised in your level of
   commitment to whatever you are doing, or it
   can disappear as fast as it appeared."
   ~Michael Jordan~

wow kinda crazy!

this am got up , 2 months since i have been out surgery , i still remember leaving work from portland i pulled into too the plaza too pay the money , this nasty toll guy says too me , man you fill up that truck ! he was right my stomach used too drive it , i looked down today there is a good seven inches away from the wheel , i hope too say too the guy remember me u big jerk, sometimes i really wanna make people pay that were jerks towards me  but its cool try too forgive them , as i try too move on..

gotta love wally world, the fresh smell of yeast , and  chocolate ,down isle 1 smell the coffee , isle 4 is the bread isle , smell the yeast , and down isle 6 its chips and dips , so i think im cool i always stay too the outside walk all the way around too the back,  there it is the day old bake good stinking up the place , the whole time my  stomach is upside down , kinda of fun i guess , well thats when it starts i run into my old boss that i have known for years , she asks did u have the surgery yet ? i was like what ! ( as if u cant tell) i have lost atleast 180 pounds before i saw her. some people are just too stuck in there own lifes, so i walk around the corner and i see this girl i worked with i walk bye her , three times , i though was funny , she did not really no it was me , but she though she new me , but was not sure, kinda funny , so i said something too her , it was the first time anyone from my past has seen me and said anything , i am now happy then ever

today im doen too 367 from 567 in jan 2008 , sometimes its hard for me too even think about it , got me real thinking about the futue and whats it going too be like  poeple are now noticeing me alot more ,im scared, people are talking too me thats something im not use too

 7 pounds in 11 days , i really was sick hope this slows down