Dr.Marcy

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YEAH!!! AMOS LAND! Good News!!

I'm excited...no, I haven't got a date yet or an approval...but I did
learn how to add color and pictures to my page and posts!!! Thanks Susan
for the instructions!!!

Love and happy thoughts to you all!!!

Hello AMOS!!

I have volunteered for AMOS to be a coach, resource center, counselor,
or whatever I can be for AMOS members.

I have transitioned from retail sales to financial sales to employment
counselor to clinical psychology. I have traveled the road to change
and am ready to assist others on their journey.

If you feel you want to transition from your current employer or career
or you simply need help getting a job I'm here to help. Need to
chat...e-mail me!

Let me know what you think.with your comments or questions. I'd love to
help!

I feel like I want to give back to this board. Everyone here is so
amazingly supportive. I feel so peaceful reading the posts and being in the
chat room. I can express my deepest feelings and not be judged!! That's
so important. Judgement is a disease...it rots your self esteem and it
rots the heart of the person who judges. AMOS is filled with loving
supportive persons...characters some...:)

In other news I have been out of control lately. I'm eating way too
much and rationalizing that I'm going to have surgery so why not! Pretty
stupid huh? I've also been so tired lately. One of my Professors at
school told me that graduate students tend to feel tired all the time
because they are taking in so much information. The memory gets a little
overloaded so things slow down as the "processor" rests. I LOVE CLASS
THOUGH!!! I can't believe it was just three years ago that I was completing
my BA...now I'm going to be a doctor! My friends and family kept
saying, "Marcy take it slow. Just get through a month...year.." I did and
continued! AND KEPT CONTINUING AND ACHIEVING!!!!

So, I guess I just gave myself the answer I needed. I must tell myself,
"Marcy take it slow. Give your body the respect it deserves..NOW!! Soon
we'll see the light!! Another achievement is around the corner!!

Well AMOS, this grad student is going to sleep...had a 8 hour class
today...the processor needs some rest. :) Keep shooting for the stars!!!
YOU CAN DO IT!!!

oxoxoxoxo

7/20/03

Good Morning AMOSland!!

It's 1 am and I'm up watching Trading Spaces on TRL. I have been trying
to tame THE BEAST today. Somesdays, mostly Saturdays, when I'm at home
I just want to eat and eat. BORED EATING. I try to do something else
but THE BEAST calls. AAAHHHHH Just shut up already!

Today I just settled and let it call. I got used to it, because I know
it's head hunger. I know that I'm going to have to learn what my head
says and what my stomach (soon to be pouch)is saying.

My fiance', Briant. is a doll. He loves me and it makes me feel safe,
supported, sexy, and loved. However, I know he doesn't love my obesity.

When I began this journey he was scared for me. As I've spent the last
few months putting the process in motion he has become more open to
listening to me talk about surgery. We have even talked numbers...!!!
That's a big one for me. Since being open to him I've become open to the
world. It's my challenge now.

Sleep calls!! School tomorrow! xoxoxo Marcy

7/18/03

Happy Friday AMOS Land!!!

This week has seen a lot of ups and downs. Falling down, getting
up...literally. Endoscopy. Finally getting all my paperwork in. Whew!!!

Now I have time to reflect. I have been thinking about the addiction of
eating. I am wondering if any others have other addictions, as well.
For instance, I have a shopping addiction. Eating or shopping: Both make
me feel good. They calm the anxiety, bring the comfort, and make the
bad feelings go away (for a little while a least). I've been in therapy
for 5 years and studying to be a therapist for four (1.5 years and you
can call me DR. Marcy!). I still wrestle with these demons-I know I
always will, I'm human.

Is there anyone who is post-op or pre-op and who has been successful at
overcoming the strong urges to overindulge? What has help? Support
groups? Therapy? This will help me with my struggle, as well as help me
educate my clients.

I am feeling stronger lately, yet I am filled with questions about the
unknown. I guess that's because the WLS surgery is becoming more of a
reality.

Love ya all. Keep the faith...I know I am!

7/17/03

Good Evening AMOS Friends! It was a big day today: I dropped off all my
paperwork to be submitted to AETNA (big sigh of relief). I spoke with
Leroy Padilla and he said it looks good and since I got all my pre-op
tests done I may get my date soon!!!! Leroy is the INSURANCE GOD!! It's
often hard to reach him but I been truly lucky and persistant. If I
don't hear from him I call again. If I don;t hear again I stop by. This is
my life  and I'm not playing around with phine tag!

So, I'm am now waiting with baited breath. Fingers crossed, penny in my
shoe, wishing on a star.....

I hope all is well with all the posties out there. This board is
amazing and the people are wonderful. You all have given me hope, laughs, and
relief. Thanks you. I hope to be able to announce my date soon. Have a
great weekend.

Hello AMOS Friends!!

Yesterday I had my endoscopy. I was very nervous when I first got to
Cedars outpatient surgical center. I had a close friend waiting for me so
that helped with the anxiety. Anyway, it was over quickly. I just have
a little memory of gagging on something and then waking up. Everything
went well and the only thing that was found was that I have some
irritation of the lining of my stomach. After I got home I slept all day.
Today I woke up and went to a meeting and an hour later I threw up. The
doc says its a normal reaction to the anestesia. So, I'm home.

I have been anxious lately to just get the approval and date. I read
the posts here everyday and can't wait to become a loser. I've never been
a patient person. I guess now it's time to practice that virtue.

I've been thinking of what I want to change after WLS. Here are some of
my wishes!

1. To be able to walk, run, and move with ease and not have my joints
hurt.
2. To not get out of breath when moving.
3. To be able to sit in any chair and not have to worry about fitting.
4. To feel sexy and alluring for myself and my fiancee'.
5. To fit behind the seat of my car without having my belly sit UNDER
the stearing wheel.
6. To have energy that matches the energy I have in my mind.
7. To be able to buy clothing and underwear without having to going to
a speciality store.
8. To be a size 10-12
9. To be able to use the bathroom and clean myself without a struggle.
10. To be able to move around with ease.
11. To go to a spa and be anbe to fit on the massage table and wear the
robes!
12. TO LIVE A LONG AND HEALTHY LIFE!!!
13. To not worry about someone parking too close to my car so I can't
get in or have to crawl over the console to get in.
14. To wear a bathing suit without covering it up.

Well, that's the beginning.

Love and laughter to all my AMOS family. Keep up the good work!

7/14/03

Howdy AMOS members! Well, today was interesting. First of all I got
tangled in my purse strap and ended up taking a flying leap out of the
backseat of my parents car. As I flew through the air I remembered my self
defense classes and landed on my writs and elbows. This helped me to
avoid landing on my precious and surgically repaired knees. So, friends I
am bruised and scrapped, but still with you! My parents and friend all
witnessed my "stunt work" and were scared to death. My Mom, who is very
concerned about my weight and health, asked if this was the first time
this has happened. I said, "Mom, that was NOT because of my weight. It
was because of my clumsiness." I am not the most graceful woman!

After I got back to the office and dressed my wounds I set about
handing out some donated clothing to some of my clients who have no proper
interviewing clothes. One of the ladies asked where I got the clothing
and I said my Mother had donated it. She relied "Oh your Mom is so much
more tiny then you (sic)!" The other client mentioned that I was
healthy. I told them about my plans for WLS.

Lately, I have been making sure that I am honest with everyone about
the WLS. I tell people because it makes me responsible to myself and my
choices. I don't want to hide. I am also NOT embarrassed about it. I
gave that up! People can see I am obese. I am happy to help to educate
those who want to know why? where? and how? That's how I found myself
deciding for WLS...somebody educated me.

Anyway, the ladies seemed interested and ended our conversation by
asking me when they are going to "cut off all your fat?" I had to laugh! If
it were only that easy, huh?

Well, tomorrow is endoscopy day. I'm a little nervous,but it will be an
ADVENTURE!

Love ya all!!!

I just want to say thanks to all of you who wrote and gave me
information and support for my questions last week. Tuesday is my Endoscopy and
since hearing from AMOS members I am not too stressed about it.

I HAVE GREAT NEWS!!! On Friday I went to visit my
ex-endocrynologist...I say "ex" because I have not seen her since last
year since she decided not to accept AETNA anymore. I was very scared
that she would not write the letter regarding medically supervised diet
and exercise program that Aetna rquests. She tends to be very busy and
does not do "extras" without a lot of begging. Well, to make a long
story short, I discussed my situation with her and she dictated the letter
right there and then! It's exactly what I needed! On Monday I will send
all the letter to my doctors office and then the wait for approval is
on!!!

It's been so frustrating and stressful trying to track down all of the
necessary documents that are needed for approval. I thought that all I
needed was a referring doctor and surgeon approval. The "big, bad,
insurance machine" tried to deter me...but I perservered!!!

I have been so focused on this surgery. I still find myself eating
inappropriately and getting head hunger, but weight and control are on my
mind all the time. The more I research about WLS the more focused I get.
I also have my days when I get nervous and question whether I am doing
the right thing. Having elected surgery is scary and yet it is
necessary for my life.

I feel scared becasue truly have have never been 100% successful on a
diet. When I was lighter it was much easier, but as I got heavier and
older (over 30) my bodu changed and with that my metabolism changed. So,
success has been elusive on the weight loss front.

I feel though that there is an energetic, healthy woman inside and she
is trapped. I need WLS to let her out. Sometimes it's just so hard to
know what's right. 

My prayers and support are with all of you who are having surgery this
week.

Love you all!!!

7/7/03

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGH!! It's so frustrating dealing with doctor's offices. I
made an appointment to get an upper GI endoscopy for tomorrow. I called
to confirm the appointment and was told that my appointment was for a
consultation with the doctor. Trying to keep my cool I asked what kind
of consultation and was told a consultation so that the doctor (a
gastrentrologist-sp?) could disuss what was bothering me! Still keeping cool
I said that what was bothering me was Morbid Obesity and I was referred
to the office for pre-op testing for Gastric Bypass surgery. The
receptionist was very apologetic and said that we would have to reschedule. I
also apoligized and told her I was very frustrated. SOOO I am getting
the test done next Tuesday. A little footnote to this is that the
original person who made the appointment told me that I didn't need to worry
about the "scope" and would be able to go back to work afterwards. I
found out that I will be placed under anestisia(sp) and will need to be
driven home.

Thanks all for listening!!! Here's wishing you a wonderful week of
happy, healthy moments!

HAPPY 4TH AMOS!!! Just returned from the Rose Bowl where some friends
and I watched fireworks. Wow! They were great! Being "out there" in the
world can be embarrassing and problematic. Just passing through the
gates to get in was a task! I was scared I was going to get stuck. I did.
I just can't wait till my WLS!!