Debra B.

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I haven't been on in a while.  But thought I would write my one year update and add my new photos.  The weight hasn't been really coming off but at least I am maintaining it.
  I have added my before and after pictures to date finally. I have also written the inches lost below.  On paper it feels like a lot but when I look in the mirror it doesn't seem like that much.

    Starting                1 Year Later            Total Lost
 

     Weight                    319                        216                    103 Pounds 

Bust                        58 in                    45 ½ in                  12 ½ in

Mid Section           56 ¼ in                  40 in                       16 ¼ in 

Waist                     55 ¾ in                  40 ½ in                  15 ¼ in 

Belly/Hip              65 ¼ in                  47 ¾ in                  17 ½ in

U. Arms                21 in                       18 in                         3 in 

Thighs                   35 in                       23 ¼ in                  11 ¾ in 

U. Thighs             35 ¼ in                  24 ½ in                    9 ¾ in

Calfs                      21 in                       17 in                         4 in

Total Combined Inches Lost:  90 Inches                                  

 

So this has been a very difficult year.  There were new things to learn...what to eat, what not to eat..how much to eat...to excersise a certain way...to retrain my mind on food....retrain my mind on my body image...learning to overcome being a stress eater (still working on that one!)...learning to overcome my unconscious eating (boy am I still working on this one too!)...learning to stop eating when I am full instead of finishing what's on my plate....learning proper portion control.  I will have to work on all of these things my entire life.  I honestly thought this surgery was going to be a magic cure..that the weight would just melt off with ease.  Boy, was I ever wrong.  This has been ALOT of hard work..triumps and failures.  It gets harder every day...you start slipping into your old habits and have to really make an effort to pick your choices wisley. I will be the first to rat myself out...I have had bad days with bad choices.  I have made myself sick  because I ate more that I should have..I even thought one day it was ok to eat some chocolate brownie...WRONG!  I got very sick from it.  I knew not to eat it...but my mind was like...it's ok...it won't hurt you.     But it is a learning experience that is for sure.


 

Most people that have surgery have follow up help and they are kept on track.  Me...not so much.  My doctor left to Alabama after my 3 month check up.  I haven't seen a doctor since.  No one will see me. They said since I had the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (which seems no one does but my doctor in entire area around New Mexico) and that another doctor did the surgery...they won't touch me...unless I have major complications.  I told them I am fine and I haven't had any problems so they won't see me.   So I have been traveling this road alone without medical or clinical support.  Thank goodness I have had Jon, my girls, my dad, my cousin and my best friend the entire road.  It has been an emotional ride. 


 

I was very excited to finally change my life...to get healthy...to make my family proud (I have had fat jokes my entire life..and even got them this Easter ), to overcome my past, to gain self-esteem and to be able to do things with Jon and my girls.  I have been dissapointed in some areas and thrilled in others.  I probably shouldn't be saying this but it has been eating at me and I have been extremely hurt by it but my brothers and sister-in-law haven't said anything about my weight loss.  I sent pictures and nothing.  I have seen them and nothing.  I had to ask one of them if he even noticed I had lost and he said yes.  That's it.  I am at a high in my life and feel that I have worked hard and I should get the acknowledgement for my accomplishments from them. My eintire life all I wanted was the approval of my family and never had it..to them...I was a total screw up and a failure.  One poor choice after another.  I never felt like I was good enough for anything or anyone. Maybe this isn't the way they feel...but that is the way it comes across to me. I used to eat for comfort, ate when I was stressed and ate when I was depressed and it was a horrible habit that I got into.  I have worked very hard to overcome that.  I haven't made it yet..but at least I am more aware of it then I used to be.  Jon notices when I start doing it and brings it to my attention when I don't see it.


 

Jon has been my knight in shining armor through this ENTIRE process. We had just started dating April 4, 2007.  I made the decision in September of 2007 that I was going to do this surgery.  I was afraid to tell him at first or anyone else because I was ashamed that I had to go this route to lose the weight.  I started the pre-ops in October and Jon was there every step of the way.  He drove me to my pre-ops, went with me to doctor visits, drove me to Lubbock to meet with the surgeon, for the surgery and for the follow up.  He was supportive the entire time..not once did he say you shouldn't do it.  He was scared for me to do it but didn't let on...of course...I knew it.  He wanted me to feel comfortable and wanted to support me so he never put his doubts out there for me to see. We had only been dating 6 months when all the test started..so not only did we deal with the new dating issues but we had the surgery issues.  He never waivered!  My eldest daughter wanted to go for the surgery so Jon said it was ok and he would watch her for me so she could go.  He was wonderful!  They were there the morning I got wheeled in and waited in the waiting room off an on all day.  I was put in intensive care so they could only visit for short periods of time so most of the time they were out of my room for both days.  I do remember, however, the day after surgery that my lovely daughter and wonderful boyfriend were having a great laugh and wonderful time at MY expense.   They said I was so dopped up on the morphine that they couldn't help laugh at me.  Glad I could lighten the mood for them while I was in severe pain!  Ha Ha   I almost didn't get to check out the day after the surgery because I was having complications but they finally let me go that evening.  Dawnielle and Jon took me to the hotel room and went and got my mediation and jellos.  Nothing tasted good and everything tasted metalic!   I couldn't lay down very well and had a hard time getting up.  Everytime I went to get up...Jon got up with me.  I told him to go back to sleep that I would be fine and he wouldn't do it.  He looked soooo tired and I felt so bad for him.  I know it couldn't have been easy for him. Everytime I tried to roll a bit he would try to help me.  Oh boy was I miserable.  Jon said I kept asking him in the hospital if it was worth it.  I was in so much pain, I couldn't breathe, my blood pressure was up, my sugar levels were up and they kept giving me insulin...honestly...I was not in a good place.  But I wouldn't change it for anything!  It was one of the best choice I have ever made.  I love you baby...thank you for everything!


 

I feel more confident.  I'm no longer dwelling on the abuse I received in the past and I no longer believe that I am not worthy of more. I know I am worthy of alot of good things in life. The depression is gone, the high blood pressure is gone, the sleep apnea is almost completely gone, the type 2 diabetis is gone.  I am feeling great!  I still have a long way to go..but I am a little over half way to my goal.


 

I have become more active since the weight loss and my self-esteen has improved.  I did the American Lung Associations Stair Climb (486 steps in 10 minutes and 33 seconds), I am doing the Breast Cancer Walk next weekend and I will be participating in the Mud Volleyball Fundraiser for the Tingley Hospital in June.  When Jon and I went to Las Vegas, I walked from the Mirage all the way down to New York New York and back...I actually out walked Jon.  The only reason we stopped walking was because he was tired.  Poor guy..and it was about 1:00 AM.  Jon used to have to walk very slow for me and wait on me.  I had a hard time just walking from my car to my apartment and it wasn't that far but I could hardly breathe when I got to the door.


 

So if anyone is thinking about having the surgery and have reservations...please take my advice and have the surgery.  There will be many question and many fears that you will have but just keep faith.  I kept telling my self over and over the saying I have by my picture about fear..just keep telling it to yourself over and over.  You will become more positive and have the confidence you need for this journey. 


 

For all of those who have gone through this with me...thank you! Let's just wait and see what this next year brings!  Hopefully the other 73 pounds off but if not..at least 37 pounds of it (little over half). 

I finally did it!  I have now lost 100 pounds and over 90 inches.  It took 9 months and 4 days to get there.  It has been a very difficult journey but one I am so glad that I took.  I still have a long ways to go (74 more pounds) but I am seeing that maybe it is possible.  It’s just taking more time to see the differences than I expected.

The journey has been filled with fear, pain, anxiety, joy, sorrows, laughter, tears, discouragement and today…..three new feeling…..fulfillment, accomplishment  and excitement.  I received the tool I needed to have success but it was only that….a tool.  There truly is no quick fix with weight loss.  This is a journey that could not have been taken without support and encouragement along the way.  I was blessed enough and still am to have this support on my journey. 

I have had the most amazing man by my side this entire time.  Jon has been there with me since I decided to take this journey and has never stopped supporting me.  He was there through all the pre-ops, the surgery, the post-ops, the ups and the downs. He has had calls of joy, confusion, despair and yes…even lots of tears.  He has never wavered with his commitment to support me on this journey.  He is always there with an encouraging word when I am down or a good job…I knew you could do it..when all goes well.  He is my rock!  He is my comfort when I am scared or challenged!  Thank you babe for everything you have done and continue to do for me with every aspect of my life! I Love You!

My daughters have been very supportive of me during this journey.  They always have a….good job mom or …..it takes time mom…it will be ok…you can do it.  Or just a simple…you look so pretty and thin mom.  My dad has also been supportive of me with this.  Every week he asks me how it’s going and wants to know how many more inches or pounds I have lost.  He always tells me that I didn’t put in on overnight so it’s not coming off overnight.  Then there is my cousin, best friend and my nieces who always make comments about how they can tell I’ve lost and give me words of encouragement .  That just does wonders when people make comments about your hard effort.  That’s what you truly, truly need to make it through this journey.  The love and support of others.  So Thank you Dawnielle, Cynthia, Daddy, Reginia, Karen, Jessica and Janelle.  I love you all!

My co-workers have been really great and supportive with me.  I have only been at my new job since October 6^th but they treat me like I have been there for years.  So thank you to all my fellow co-workers…you all defiantly are the best.

Then there is Dr. Eldo Frezza, my surgeon.  I can't thank him enough for everything!  He has been there for me and taken the time to answer all the question I have no matter how silly they were.  I didn't have any complications or side effects from the surgery because of his knowledge and skills as a surgeon. Even after he left his practice in Lubbock and moved far away he still stayed in contact with me through email  That truly means a lot!  Thank you so much for having faith in me and giving me the tool I need to succeed in life.  You are truly a blessing to me!

I will take my “100 pounds lost” photos soon and post them.  Thanks to everyone who has been supportive on this journey!

It has been 8 months today since I had my surgery.  It has been a struggle to get where I am.  You are told when you go through your pre-ops, support groups and physch evals etc that the surgery isn't a quick fix.  You know that is true but in the back of your mind you are just so excited and you think the fat is just going to melt away magically.  Let me tell you .... it doesn't.  It is a LOT of hard work. Making this decision wasn't easy for me.  I researched it for 3 years before I had the courage to talk to my doctor about it.  I was embarressed and ashamed about telling ANYONE what I was planning or thinking about. I knew my family wouldn't be supportive and would think I was stupid.  I figured my friends would be the same way, except for my best friend Karen.  I couldn't even tell my boyfriend at first.   I told my best friend about it because I knew she would be behind me 100% with whatever I needed.  She had seen me struggle for the 17 years I have known her. I finally got the courage to tell my boyfriend and my girls.  They were nervous about it and really didn't want me to do it...but not ONCE did they ever say don't do it.  Not ONCE did they ever make me feel ashamed or stupid for making the choice I did.  In fact...my boyfriend was so supportive.  He went to my doctor visits with me, drove me to pre-ops when I was getting put under for testing, drove me to Lubbock for the visits, stayed with me through the surgery, would wake up in the middle of the night when I was trying to get up after surgery even though I told him I was ok and to go back to bed. He took care of my eldest daughter who went with us too.  He is still so supportive and everyday I have to think about the choices.  Jon has even slapped my hand once or twice for picking at my plate when I was full.  Ha Ha  Old habits really do die hard!  It's a learning experience for all of us still.  It's like anyone else who has an addiction...mine just happens to be to food.  Everyday I have to make a choice not to eat something I shouldn't or not fall back into the old habits of grabbing fast food or whatever it is at that moment in the day.  I know both Jon and Dawnielle were nervous and scared while I was having the surgery but neither one of them showed it to me because they knew I was doing what I needed to do and their support meant everything to me.  My girls were so supportive and still are.  Sometimes my girls think they are the Mom's instead of me by bossing me around they way they did...but I knew that was their way of showing me how much they loved me and wanted me well.  My eldest yelled at me constantly to take my pain meds and I didn't want them.  I was trying not to take anything...and besides....everything was liquid and tasted awful.  :)   When I finally told my Dad...believe it or not...he was also supportive.  He actually asks me every week what my new weight and measurements are.  It means the world to me to have that support to make it through this. I guess I should mention that Jon and Dawnielle did enjoy their time the day of and the day after the surgery.  They laughed and had a great time....AT MY EXPENSE!  Ha.  I guess the morphine really played a number on me and I was in so much pain.  They said they would talk to me and I would just drift off and come right back into the conversation where I left off.  They said I would be talking and just gone like that...a while later...I was right back where I was.  Slirring my words and all.  I'm glad I could provide them with entertainment.  Ha Ha.  Truly...I didn't mind them teasing me at all...just wish I could remember it. :) This journey has not been the easy road I thought is would be at all.  I have to struggle everyday with food choices and somedays...like at the doubletree hotel...I slip.  I had their chocolate chip cookie.  But for the most part I am under 600 or so calories a day.  I am not starving myself!  Sometime I even over eat and feel stuffed.  I still battle with these things everyday.  I'm sure I am eating more calories than I should but I am staying away from fried foods for the most part. I used to eat bread like crazy and now I limit it and if I have a sandwich I will use one slice of bread instead of two.   When I look in the mirror I still see that fat ugly girl that I have seen my entire life.  My clothes fit looser but I still see the same.  I have gone from a size 28/30 to an 18/20 and can't understand why I am in an 18 or 20 when I look the same.  My brain just can't wrap itself around the concept that I look different and I'm not as big.  I guess it takes time to retrain what your mind had seen and dealt with for the past 31 years.  I think I finally just saw it yesterday when I was putting new pictures up with the old ones.  I'm not fully there and still dealing with the body image but I am starting to see it now. I just stared at the before and after photos.  I look at the picture of Jon and I this year at Valentines and the picture from Friday night and I finally see it.  I look at the Valentines picture and I see me trapped...trapped inside my own body.  I just keep crying about it.  How could I have let myself get like that. I was crying out for help in my own way and no one could help me because I couldn't even help myself.  I just can't believe it.  How did I get that way? I just bottled up all the pain, the abuse everything..inside.  I ate to escape.  Those days are gone.  I have overcome so many past issues and I have moved forward.  I have the best girl friend in the world, the best children in the world, the best dad in the world and the best boyfriend in the world.  Without them....I would not have made it this far in my journey.  Especially to my boyfriend Jon ... you are my rock, my safe place, my serenity, my support, my joker when I am having a hard time and need a laugh, my GPS (private joke), my best friend, my confidant, my lover and my life!  I could not have made it through without you!  I Love You! Well, I guess that is it for my update.   Talk to you all later.

Can't believe it has been 5 months already.  I am down 79 pounds and 78 1/4 inches.  I finally went through my closet to try on clothes I haven't been able to fit into since forever and believe it or not...they were too big.  I can't believe that.  I packed them all up and will be taking them to a battered women's shelter that is in need of plus size clothes.

I have gone from a 28/30 to a 20/22.  Another 15 pounds and I will be at the weight I was when I got pregnant with my first child at the age of 23.  I'm still losing my hair but hopefully with the vitamins that will soon stop. 

I have added a couple new pictures but just don't get too scared cause I didn't have on any makeup in one of them.  Ha Ha

Hope everyone is doing well.

Well I reached another goal today.  I have now lost 75 pounds and 75 1/4 inches.  I also broke that over 100 pounds to lose goal.  I now only need to lose 99 pounds to reach 5 pounds under the doctor's goal...my goal though.... would still be another 10 pounds under that.

It will be 5 months on the 15th.  I wanted to have more gone by now and feel like I am not losing as fast as others that had surgery but guess we all lose differently. The doctor said I should lose half of the total loss by 6 months which means to hit my goal I would need to lose 87 pounds total by October 15th.  The weight is slower so I'm not sure if I can lose 13 pounds in 39 days.  I hope I can but I only lost 5.6 pounds last month.  But I'm still grateful for every single pound and inch lost!

I'm feeling kinda sad today.  It started yesterday afternoon and has just gotten worst.  I'm trying not to go back to my old habits and eating when I feel like this but I'm finding it hard.

I just feel like my life was on track for the first time ever and now monkey wrenches were thrown into it and then I'm struggling with my weight loss.  I know it will get better and I am trying very hard to shake this. 

I'm so discouraged with my weight progress and I know I shouldn't be.  I should be happy that I have lost 67 pounds and almost 72 inches but it is coming off so slow. My eating habits have changed drastically since the surgery but yet the weight still isn't coming off that fast.  It will be 4 months this week since I had the surgery and I am only at 67 pounds.  I feel like it should be more for the amount of food I eat.  Think I will go back to my liquids this week and see what happens when I weigh in Saturday morning. 

I'm losing more and more hair with the vitamin difficiency and I hate it. I ended up cutting my own hair last night to hopefully make it not look as stringy but I think I made it worst.  It's not coming out in big chunks or anything but every shower or brush of my hair there is a bunch of hair left behind.  I even colored it yesterday to try to get it to my natural blonde color but it came out a darker brown instead.

Then there is the unsettling news from my doctor that took me back to 16 years ago when they found pre-cancerous cells in my cervix. I had a hysterectomy at 35 which should have taken care of that but we found out that the doctor said he took out my cervix but inactuality...he left almost all of it.  So now what....yap..you guessed it.....abnormal pap! They want me to wait six months and then have another pap done.  So what happens in the 6 months I wait?  Nothing! 

I don't have my Mom to talk to and God how I miss her, can't talk to my dad he is going threw his own bout with prostate cancer and blood clots in his lungs, I won't burden my children with my fears, my best friend is dealing with major issues in her own life right now and my boyfriend is busy with things in his life as well...I just feel so alone right now. 

I know God is with me every step of the way and I have hope to get me through...I'm just having a bad day. Even as bubbly as I am...guess I am allowed to have a bad day every now and then too. 

Thanks for listening.  Hope everyone else is having a better day.

I haven't had a chance to get on since Tuesday so thought I would give my update now. This journey has been a lot easier than I thought it would have been.  I have gained a self control over food that I NEVER had before.  I stick to my menu plan and stay away from all the sweets, breads and fried foods I once ate.  I do have my little hunts butterscotch pudding when I am craving sweets and I have my thin pretzel crisps when I want bread.  So all and all it is working out great.  I do miss alot of the old foods and the cravings do hit but I am some how finding the will power to not eat what I am craving. Everyone can see the difference in me but when I look in the mirror...I see the same fat girl looking back.  If I look at myself in a picture I can actually see the difference but not when I look in the mirror. I was hoping my family would be excited for my loss since I have been a dissapointment to them since I was a teenager.  Unfortunantly, in June when I saw them....no one, except my niece, made a comment about my weight loss.  I was so hurt by it.  I had a bad dye (hair) job shortly before I went to see them and THAT they commented on.  Ha  Oh, well. Anyway...... My 3 month update consist of 61 pounds and 69 1/4 combined inches lost.  I was wearing a size 28 womens the day of the surgery and I am now fitting in a size 24 womens.  I have a very long way to go but I am willing to put in the effort to get healthy.  My blood pressure is almost in the normal range now without any medication and my type 2 diabetis is gone. According to my family doctor I am close to having vitamin dificiency which explains the tiredness, the light headedness and the start of me losing my hair. I meet with my surgeon this week and he will give me more specifics from the blood work I just had done.  Can't wait to see if I am on track with him.  I have my weight loss chart ready for my appointment so he can put it in my chart.  I am in his case study for a new procedure so I have to keep track of everything.  I have a mesh around what is left of my stomach to help it from expanding too much over time. This should help me not to gain back the weight by keeping my hunger and eating to a minimum. Well, guess that is about it for now.  I will keep you up to date.

Well, it has been 2 months (tomorrow) since my surgery and I'm feeling really good. I've been dissapointed about the progress because I thought after surgery it would come off faster than it is.  This month has been slower than my first month but at least I still made some progress.

I eat regular food now just a lot less, I'm making wiser choices with no fried foods and no breads (have to wait till 6 months for those).  It actually takes me longer to pick what I want to eat when we go out because I take everything into account. Then when I go to the grocery store I read the labels on EVERYTHING. I only lost 9 pounds this month and 6 inches which makes my total so far 50.8 pounds and 57 1/4 combined inches. 

I am now working out at the gym 4 to 6 days a week which I never excersiced before.  It's not easy that's for sure but I am doing it.  I refuse to be all flabby while the weight is coming off.

I will post updated photos either later tonight or tomorrow.

Well I can't believe a month has passed since I had my surgery.  For the most part it has been really good.  I have had a couple of days that were a struggle in the beginning but for the most part it's been good. To be honest...it's easier than I thought it would be.

I weighed in and measured today and I have lost 41.6 pounds and 50 3/4 combined inches.  I have a LONG way to go but I think it is a good start.  Down to only losing about 3 pounds a week now but as long as the inches still come off I'm happy.  I am still on my 2 to 6 week diet plan and I  hardly eat anything so at times it does get frustrating that I'm not losing more but I guess slower is better in the long run so I don't get flabby and lose skin.

Well, guess that is it for now.  I will keep you all updated.

Well, it's been 18 days since the surgery and I feel great!  I have only had a couple of weak moments where I was hungry and wanted something off my "menu" but I stuck to the menu.  I am on sem-softs and the potatoes, eggs and malt o meal are keeping me from desperation.

I have lost 34.6 pounds and 33 inches total.  I actually uploaded some close up photos where you can even see the difference in my face.  My boyfriend said you could see it but I thought he was just being nice.  I was thinking .... look I weighed over 300 pounds and 34 pounds won't make a difference.  Well, I was wrong.  I can only imagine what a difference it will be when I get down 50, 75 or even 100 pounds.  

I am just so excited with my surgery.  The first two days were extremely rough and Jon, my boyfriend, said I kept asking if it was worth it.  Well the answer is yes...most definantly.  Once the morphine got out of my system, they quit injecting me with insulin (I never used it before..I'm type 2 with diet restrictions only), after the reaction to the anti-nausea meds was over and the drainage tube was taken out.  I feel wonderful.  My blood pressure has actually started to come down as well.

Guess that's about it for now.  Keep in touch and let me know how you all are doing.