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According to my surgeon's scale, I lost 109 pounds in six months! Jesus is good!

Today, I hit my 100 lb. loss mark!!! 62 lbs. lost before surgery and 100 lbs. lost after surgery for a total loss of 162 lbs! I'm making strides! Jesus, you reign supreme!!!! Without you, I couldn't do it!

62 pounds before surgery and 89 pounds after surgery. 151 pounds total! Again, Jesus, you are awesome! Thank you Lord!

62 pounds down before surgery and 75.4 pounds down since surgery.

Well, it has been two months and three weeks since my surgery. I am now down another 62 lbs. Go Jesus!!!!!!

Well, I am feeling fantastic!!!! I am so grateful to God. Jesus is awesome!!!!! He has held my hand through this entire process. It is day 7, and I can swallow liquids much easier than I could on day 3! I have been up walking since the day of my surgery!!! The nurses all applauded my zeal because I treated the hospital hallway like a track. I couldn't help it! Each day, walking got easier and easier. I was released from the hospital on day three. The doctor kept me two extra days because my esophagus was scarred a bit from the breathing tube that was placed down my throat during surgery. Thanks be to God, the scarring was so minimal that the gastrointestinal doctor couldn't even see it the next day on the x-ray results. 

Though I was told not to weigh myself when I got home because I would notice a weight gain due to all of the IV fluids that were coursing through my body, I weighed myself anyway because I wanted to know how much water weight I gained during my hospital stay. Well, to my surprise, I gained eight pounds. Yikes! LOL! I'm fine with it because as of today, I have lost the eight water pounds and another seven pounds. That makes for fifteen (15) lbs. in four days! I have to admit, I love God for the opportunity He has given me to change my life. Muah Jesus!

Of course I had a panic attack on the operating table while the anesthesiologist was trying to sedate me. It took four people to wrestle me back onto the operating table. I told them to take the mask off of me. I screamed, "Today just isn't the day for the surgery!" Lol! I have to laugh about it all now. Thank God Dr. Macik and the medical staff at Northside, which is an excellent hospital, were kind, sympathetic, and understanding folks. The OR nurse simply held my hand while my body convulsed all over the table. The nurse anesthesist assured me that I was in good hands. Through my physical shaking, I managed to tell the OR staff to give me some medicine to knock the edge off and let me go to sleep. They agreed. The rest is history. I woke up in the recovery room with some pain. I was immediately given pain meds. I was then taken to a hospital room where my family came in to greet me. I was so sedated, but I managed to crack a few jokes.

It has been two years since I have posted to this page. It has been beyond difficult to write about the utter pain and devastation I have felt within the last two years of my life. I was slated to have Gastric Bypass surgery in December of 2011. Two weeks before my surgery, I checked my insurance benefits again, and everything had changed! I panicked and called the insurance company immediately! I was told that my employer elected to utilize a plan that required patients to use surgeons that the insurance company designated "Surgeons of Excellence." This had not been the case before, and I personally checked with my insurance company several times to ensure I had a thorough understanding of requirements for coverage. Not only did I personally check with the insurance company, but my surgeon's office contacted my insurance company on various occasions to discuss my benefit coverage for bariatric surgery and surgery requirements. I asked my surgeon's office to call the insurance company again to verify the information I recently received, because surely it wasn't true! My surgeon's office called the insurance company and was informed of the same thing, which posed a significant problem because my chosen surgeon was not a bariatric insurance approved surgeon, though he was in network! The surgery scheduler was just as floored as I was when she called me back to discuss the matter. She looked back in my records and gave me the dates, times, and names of the insurance representatives she spoke with each time she called about my coverage in the past, and no one had ever made her aware of any problems! 

After about a week of going back and forth with the insurance company, a representative finally told me, "Ma'am, your employer and/or insurance company has the right to change your benefits without notice, and are protected by law in doing so." I cried! I screamed! I threatened to file grievance after grievance! Eventually, I had to face the fact that I would have to start all over again. The agonizing part for me about the situation was that I had been forced to start the process again a year earlier. In 2010, I initially began the process with a surgeon who decided to quit his local practice and move to Tennessee. For me, starting  again would mean a third psychological evaluation, a third cardiology clearance, a third pulmonary clearance, a third gastrointestinal examination, and a third round of blood work! I was so depressed that I didn't even want to get out of bed!

Over the next year, I began a downward spiral. I gave up all hope, and in the midst of my surgery sorrows, I failed my doctoral comprehensive exam! I slipped deeper into the darkness of depression. I returned to my old eating habits and regained a whopping 55 lbs. in one year! When I went to see my PC for my annual exam, she was totally flabbergasted and confused. She asked me, "Weren't you scheduled for weight loss surgery last year?" I understood her bewilderment because she walked with me step by step previously! I told her what happened, and I wasn't even sure she would believe me considering that this was the second time such a thing had transpired! I also told her that I had been consumed with the stress of having a full time career and being a full time student seeking a terminal degree. She looked at me and in a very serious tone said, " You have to do something! I am very concerned that you have regained approximately 50 lbs. in a year's time, and your blood pressure has increased to the point that I now have to prescribe you medication to help manage it. I don't care if you have to put school on hold for right now. You have to attend to your health, or you won't be alive to finish school. What do we have to do to get you scheduled for surgery as early as two to three weeks from now?" I told her that it wasn't that simple, and that I now had to complete a six month supervised diet. She told me, "Fine, you will come in to see me monthly, and I also want you to begin seeing the nutritionist here in the office. I will update your letter of medical necessity and refer you to see whomever you need to see to get this ball rolling again." I was frightened because my doctor appeared to be deathly afraid of what could happen to me. It amazes me that she was more willing to fight for my life than I was at the time. I knew then that I had to pick up my sword again and get back on the battlefield, though I did not feel mentally or emotionally prepared to engage in any form of warfare.

I called my mother and discussed my doctor's visit with her. I told her that I was paralyzed with fear at the thought of trying again. I feared repeated failure and disappointment that could possibly crush my spirit indefinitely. My mother told me, "Try again! Sometimes, three times is a charm." Her words stuck with me, and I began again. I even sat for my comprehensive exam again and passed the second time around!!! I moved on to the dissertation writing phase! To say the least, it has proven to have its share of challenges. LOL!

I wrote all of that, to say that my insurance company has finally approved me for surgery! I am scheduled to undergo the surgical procedure for Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy on December 20, 2013, which is only two weeks away!!! It feels surreal! After what has seemed a lifetime, I am moving forward with surgery. During my six month supervised diet, I lost 45 of the 55 lbs. I regained last year. I have to be honest. Last month was rough. My grandmother, who practically raised me, died in November. From October until now, I have gained about 15 lbs., but I don't feel defeated. I have learned that I over eat when I feel stressed, as do many people who battle with weight loss. I have to be honest with myself about my weaknesses and be conscious of my actions when I am stressed. I have to change my way of thinking and be more consistent with a proper diet and adequate exercise. I have learned that there are no magic bullets to weight loss. It is a long and arduous journey at times, but it is worth the climb! I have begun therapy again, and am now facing some serious issues that I once did not want to face. I now realize why God did not allow me to have surgery two years ago. Simply put, I wasn't ready. I had not dealt with any of the issues from my childhood that caused me to binge eat. If I would have had surgery prior to this present time in my life, I would have completely sabotaged myself. I'm learning not to blame myself for things I could not and can not control, but I am also holding myself accountable for my behavior, which has a major impact of my physical and mental well being. Self hatred and blame are different than thoughtful accountability. God is helping me to differentiate between the two entities. I thank God for Jesus and my knowing Him! Apart from Him, I am nothing, and I can do nothing. The Lord is healing me in areas of my life that I didn't even know were broken. Again, thank you Lord!!!

I have begun my two week pre-op diet, which consists of full protein shakes, vitamin supplements, a natural laxative,  Aditonin, and a small dose of Phentermine to help suppress my appetite a bit. I am hoping to lose some more weight before surgery, which I am claiming will happen in the name of Jesus! Amen, which means, it is so!

Until next time folks, May God keep you in his divine grace.

Well hellllllloooo good people and Happy Belated Thanksgiving!!! I know I certainly should not be a scale watcher, and that being so will only sorely disappoint me when I have a stall. I will be getting a tape measure very soon to take my measurements. I never thought that I would be a person to take my own measurements because of the difficulty of getting the tape measure around certain body parts, but after having lost 80 lbs., it's a little easier to do many things concerning my body. With having said all of that, it appears that I have lost another 4lbs. I don't know. The scale is tricky. I went to weigh in at a Weight Watchers center on Wednesday and I weighed 362lbs. This morning I got on my home scale and it indicated that I now weigh 358 lbs. Though I question having lost 4lbs. in three days, the fact of the matter is that I can feel the difference in my body. I can always tell whether I have lost pounds or inches from my body on the basis of how I feel in my own skin. My stomach is smaller. My face is thinner. My hands are thinner, and I can feel the small bones in them much easier than I could when I wore 438lbs. Just the other day I noticed that something was protruding from my arms. At a second glance, I realized that the protrusions were my elbows. LOL! I never even noticed my elbows before. As an intelligent person, I always knew anatomically that I had elbows, but to see them in a mirror is very exciting for me. Also, I now feel the tibia bones in both of my legs. I am so stoked about this! These seem like really small things, but I'm flying high about them never the less. I am 20 lbs. away from meeting my first goal of 100 lbs lost before surgery.

I am trying to prep my house for surgery. This past week I purchased a three month supply of multivitamins, calcium, iron, B12, and B Complex chewables. I have worked this into my budget and I just have to get used to it financially and physically. I also purchased a food processor and more items on my hospital stay list. I have purchased baby bowls, baby snack cups, and baby spoons. I have started to pack my bag for the hospital. Everything is packed very neatly. I like to have things in order, though I can be very unorganized at times. LOL! As you can see, Jesus is helping me to improve! Thank you Jesus!

Okay, I will admit, I have been going back and forth about the preop liquid phase of my diet. I really haven't gone full speed ahead in this area. This week has been especially difficult because of Thanksgiving. I am not making excuses, I am just telling the truth as I know it. What is scary is that this upcoming week I will have to go back to work and I am dreading beginning my FULL preop liquid diet. I am afraid of failing and it being a sure sign that I will not be successful after surgery. I have to face this fear and move through it. I have to remind myself that God has the ability and is willing to help me even in the face of all my imperfections, and they are many. I have to remember in these times to trust and rely on him because He and He alone is the source of my strength. Well, until next time good people, allow the Lord to walk you through this maze called life and strengthen and encourage you along the way.

Well everyone, I did it. I lost another 5 lbs. That brings me to a grand total of 76lbs. lost preop. I started at a weight of 438lbs. and today I weigh 362lbs. I have 31 more days until my surgery and I hope to be down another 24lbs. by then. As I stated last week, I started using Optifast, but have recently taken a break from it. For the next four weeks I will engage in a all liquid diet. Hopefully this will help me.

I went to see my surgeon today because the last time I saw him I was considering a sleeve,but now I want the Gastric Bypass. My surgeon was excited about my weight loss and said he saw no problem with me having the Gastric Bypass as opposed to the sleeve. I asked him if I needed to lose any more weight and he said that I did not. He said the amount of weight I have lost has helped to shrink my liver and decrease the circumference of my stomach. Since he has approved the Gastric Bypass, now the surgery scheduler that tentatively scheduled my surgery for December 22nd can submit all of my paper work to the insurance company for approval.