dwindrem
Just some thoughts
Mar 24, 2009
Hi All,I hope everyone out there is enjoying the beginning of Spring - I know I am. It is cold in Jersey but just the anticipation of the warm weather puts me in a good mood. This is a far cry from how I felt about Spring and Summer last year. I dreaded them because it meant short sleeves, shorts, bathing suits and trips to lakes, beaches and BBQ's. I could hide behind my clothes in the Fall and Winter
Today is my 38th birthday, not a milestone birthday or anything but it sure feels like it!! I haven't felt this good in years. The strangest thing about how good I feel now is that I have been at this weight (214) before and have felt absolutely horrible about myself. I cannot explain the difference this time. I think it is due in part by the fact that I am not plagued by the thought of when I will start my next diet and by the fact that the scale is moving downward at a very nice pace for me. My depression and self loathing came from my failures and constant thoughts of diets. This is no longer the case and it is truly like gaining freedom. My husband bought me a bike for my birthday and I cannot wait to get out there as a family and ride together. My weight has kept me on the sidelines for long enough and even though I still have a ways to go I am no longer going to hold myself back. I am just going to get out there and live my life. For so long I would say to myself "I'll do this when I get to this weight" or "I'm too tired" or "I'll embarrass myself or even worse my husband". BTW, he has been nothing but supportive and on this journey with me but I know he had strong feelings about my weight prior to surgery. He was not vocal about them and never made me feel like I was less because of my weight but just knowing his thoughts on me being overweight made me feel depressed. He always said, it is not the weight that bothers me it is your unhappiness. I never fully believed him thinking all along that he was ashamed of me when really I was ashamed of myself more than he could ever be. And the happier I get and the more active I am I can see that he was right all along. He looked at me the other day and said "you look different" and I couldn't quite grasp what he was saying. Later he explained that I looked happy and full of life and confidence. I knew I felt that way on the inside I just didn't know it was showing on the outside.
As I said just some thoughts on my journey so far.
I hope everyone is doing well and loving life!
Debbie
