Update

Jul 06, 2011

I'm not even really sure where to begin with what has transpired in my life. I had surgery again March 29, 2011 (242lbs).  I woke up and was told that my gallbladder had been removed.  It was nestled in scar tissue and not functioning.  It was supposed to be exploratory surgery to figure out why I keep having abdominal pains.  Well the gallbladder is gone and guess what, the pain is back so go figure.  I'm tired of being cut on and no weightloss.  To give a short history I had the lapband December 2005 (292lbs). It slipped July 2007 (239lbs) and I had that repaired and a hernia repair.  Experienced little to no weightloss and surgeon did a revision to gastric bypass December 2007 (252lbs).  I started working out with a personal trainer May 2008 (222lbs).  I worked out with him for a year and got down to 196lbs.  I had alot of loose skin but great muscle mass and little fat.  I purchased a home so the money for my trainer disappeared.  I had another hernia repair in 2009 or 2010 I can't remember I've been cut on so many times.  I am wondering if my pouch in fact was made small enough?  My surgeon has said yes and yes again.  I'm tired. I don't know what else to do. I need to work out.  I have been in graduate school for the past 2 1/2 years and I have finally graduated.  I pray I can take the time that was once dedicated to my night classes, to be used to return to the gym at least 4 times a week.  I have used many unhealthy vices to pacify my emotional needs (food, wine, shopping).  Again I am tired, tired, tired.  This has literally been my life.  Before weightloss surgery I lost 100lbs twice. Once before I went to high school then after the birth of my son.  My smallest lifetime weight was 176lbs.  I was a freshman in high school.  I weighed 252lbs in middle school.  I began to lose weight before I high school but became bulimic.  I gradaully gained all the weight I loss back. My the time I was a junior in college and married I was 304lbs.  I moved to New Orleans with my hubby and lived there for a year. By the time I moved home to Baton Rouge I weighed 331lbs.  I lost 30lbs working out with my hubby then I got pregnant with my son.  My pregnancy was a surprise because I have PCOS and was told that I would have difficulty getting pregnant.  I delivered my son on December 24, 2001 and weighed 331lbs at delivery.  My pregnancy weakened my heart and I began to see a cardiologist. He put me on a very strict diet for weightloss and I loss roughly 120lbs on his diet.  Then life happened, I divorced and ate my way back up to 292lbs then I had the lapband.  Well I'm sure my story sounds just like the next story posted on OH.  I am thinking about joining Weight Watchers.  I can't take diet pills due to having a prior heart condition, so I don't know what else to do.  I am also considering the HCG diet but I'm not totally convinced because anybody would lose a substantial amount of weight only eating 500 calories a day.  I must come to terms that I have not made lifestyle changes necessary enough to keep my weight down.  I accept that but feel paralyzed to do anything more.  I don't want to to another surgery. Quite frankly what surgeon would operate on me at this point.  I don't think I would go back to my surgeon. He is almost 1 1/2 away from where I live. I need to find a local surgeon.  I'm wondering if I could get a lapband ontop of my revision??????? Just venting.  I know this may not provide comfort to those seeking to initially have the surgery but I'm the person that everything wrong happens to.  So keep hope alive and make every day count to achieve happiness and the weightloss you desire.  I just need to tap into my inner strength so I can continue to fight. 

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