Echoes83
Almost a year
Dec 24, 2007
I'm almost a year out and I'm at 246, which is down just about 160 lbs. I've been slipping up eating wise, nothing too bad calorie content wise, but good lord the carbs. I'm taking three exercise classes when I start back to school in January. I'll also have my own kitchen, which will be 100X better for my eating habits.
There are a lot of things I can do now, like walk all day in heels. I can walk in heels period! I feel so much better about myself and I try to dress up and stuff. I still have a loooong way to go, probably about 75 more lbs and way later on I'll have plastics. It sounds so weird to say "only 75 lbs." I have never in my life been able to say I "only" have 75 lbs to lose.
I notice a lot more attention, from both men and women. It's kind of hard to get used to. Some days I like it, some days I hate it. This journey, mentally, has been about the hardest thing I've ever had to do. One day you think you look awesome and you feel great, and the next day it disgusts you to look in the mirror. That's no joke. Sometimes I'm so disgusted when I look in the mirror that I dry heave. Part of it is because of the skin, but another part is because I have no concept of a smaller self. It scares me every single time I see myself because it's a stranger looking back at me. Who is this person? What kind of person is she? Is she trying to replace me? I know that one day I will probably need to seek some sort of professional help, which is par for the course for a lot of WLS people.
The real thing that sometimes gets to me is the way people treat you differently. I've never been on the other side of the fence, so I had no idea what to expect. Store clerks go out of their way to help you. I went to buy fireworks the other day and the man showed me every single thing (and this was a huge place), explained how they worked, the price, he joked around with me, and so on. That has NEVER happened to me before. The other day a man held the door for like 30 seconds until I got to it. People smile at you, random strangers strike up conversations. Even my friends have changed. They make comments like "wow, I'm going to have to start hitting on you." Or, "wow, you're turning out to be a really hot chick. We might have to get married."
Physically, I feel great. I'm about to finish up an entire marching season with a college band, which is something I never thought I would do. It's worth noting that I started out this journal talking about realizations and the experience I shared was when I was invited to help the local high school band out for their halftime show at homecoming, and I couldn't even march the short distance into the stadium. This semester alone I've marched about 12 pregame and halftime shoes altogether, and am about to do my 3rd parade in a couple of weeks, not to mention all the practice we did almost every single day.
I am so so thankful for this surgery and all the opportunities it has afforded me thus far. It's very hard. But it's very worth it.
There are a lot of things I can do now, like walk all day in heels. I can walk in heels period! I feel so much better about myself and I try to dress up and stuff. I still have a loooong way to go, probably about 75 more lbs and way later on I'll have plastics. It sounds so weird to say "only 75 lbs." I have never in my life been able to say I "only" have 75 lbs to lose.
I notice a lot more attention, from both men and women. It's kind of hard to get used to. Some days I like it, some days I hate it. This journey, mentally, has been about the hardest thing I've ever had to do. One day you think you look awesome and you feel great, and the next day it disgusts you to look in the mirror. That's no joke. Sometimes I'm so disgusted when I look in the mirror that I dry heave. Part of it is because of the skin, but another part is because I have no concept of a smaller self. It scares me every single time I see myself because it's a stranger looking back at me. Who is this person? What kind of person is she? Is she trying to replace me? I know that one day I will probably need to seek some sort of professional help, which is par for the course for a lot of WLS people.
The real thing that sometimes gets to me is the way people treat you differently. I've never been on the other side of the fence, so I had no idea what to expect. Store clerks go out of their way to help you. I went to buy fireworks the other day and the man showed me every single thing (and this was a huge place), explained how they worked, the price, he joked around with me, and so on. That has NEVER happened to me before. The other day a man held the door for like 30 seconds until I got to it. People smile at you, random strangers strike up conversations. Even my friends have changed. They make comments like "wow, I'm going to have to start hitting on you." Or, "wow, you're turning out to be a really hot chick. We might have to get married."
Physically, I feel great. I'm about to finish up an entire marching season with a college band, which is something I never thought I would do. It's worth noting that I started out this journal talking about realizations and the experience I shared was when I was invited to help the local high school band out for their halftime show at homecoming, and I couldn't even march the short distance into the stadium. This semester alone I've marched about 12 pregame and halftime shoes altogether, and am about to do my 3rd parade in a couple of weeks, not to mention all the practice we did almost every single day.
I am so so thankful for this surgery and all the opportunities it has afforded me thus far. It's very hard. But it's very worth it.
Vacation
Aug 04, 2007
Well, I went on vacation this past week. A couple of friends and I loaded up the car and road tripped to DC and NYC. I was a little apprehensive about all the potential walking. I really didn't know what I was in for. We must've walked five or more miles per day. And you know what? I fuckin made it through just fine. Sure, I'd have to rest here and there and I was downing water like crazy, but I made it. I would have NEVER been able to do that six or even three months ago. There was a particular moment where I felt like I'd triumphed and that happened at Arlington National Cemetery. I went up to Lee's Arlington house. Those of you who've been there know exactly what I mean. For those who haven't, there are a shitload of stairs that go up a hill. And they're the long stairs that take two or three steps on each. I was so elated when I got to the top, I just couldn't believe it. I felt like Rocky, lol!
In NYC, I climbed stairs like crazy because of the subways. Mad props to any fat ppl living in NYC. I saw most of everything I wanted to see and had a really great time. I am so thankful for this surgery.
I had also decided that if there was a food I wanted to try and it wasn't very sugary, I'd go ahead and try it. So, I ate basically what I wanted. For instance, I had 1/5 slice of New York style pizza, a couple pieces of some german chocolate, and so on. And I fucking lost 11 pounds during the trip! My brand new pants starting falling off. I am seriously so blessed.
Band camp starts next week and then school starts the week after. At the moment, I'm about to pass up my high school weight. I haven't weighed under this in at least 12 years. Life is good. God is good.
In NYC, I climbed stairs like crazy because of the subways. Mad props to any fat ppl living in NYC. I saw most of everything I wanted to see and had a really great time. I am so thankful for this surgery.
I had also decided that if there was a food I wanted to try and it wasn't very sugary, I'd go ahead and try it. So, I ate basically what I wanted. For instance, I had 1/5 slice of New York style pizza, a couple pieces of some german chocolate, and so on. And I fucking lost 11 pounds during the trip! My brand new pants starting falling off. I am seriously so blessed.
Band camp starts next week and then school starts the week after. At the moment, I'm about to pass up my high school weight. I haven't weighed under this in at least 12 years. Life is good. God is good.
6 Months
Jul 18, 2007
Well, my six months was up a week ago. I finally broke the stall and now I'm down to 294. I bought a pair of pants yesterday in a size 26 and figured I'd be able to fit in them in a couple months. I decided to try them on to make sure, and they freakin fit perfectly!
I'm so much more active now. I'm not afraid to park at the end of the lot. I can stay gone for days at a time and never get tired. I'll be going to DC and NYC at the end of the month and I'm not too concerned about all the walking. Life is pretty good.
I have 10 pounds to go and I'll be at my high school weight. Everything after is uncharted territory. Already, looking at old pictures seems so odd. Like "who is that?" So strange. Dealing with the fat mentality is really hard. I know that I can fit into the majority of booths now, but I still get nervous and apprehensive when ppl show us to out seats in restaurants because I'm afraid they'll put us in a booth.
My hair is falling out a good bit, but it doesn't look bad. I just have to remember to put it in a ponytail when I cook. Speaking of, I've taken up baking as a hobby. I sell it and give some to family. Apparently I'm pretty good at it.
School starts in a few weeks, but we start band camp on the 12th. I got the schedule and we'll be going 8:30 to 8:30. I'm kind of nervous because most of that time we'll be on the field and I hope I can keep up. I do know that it'll be damn good exercise and my weightloss will probably really pick up again. Not to mention I'll be able to use the brand new state of the art gym they're building on campus.
Well, that's all my news.
I'm so much more active now. I'm not afraid to park at the end of the lot. I can stay gone for days at a time and never get tired. I'll be going to DC and NYC at the end of the month and I'm not too concerned about all the walking. Life is pretty good.
I have 10 pounds to go and I'll be at my high school weight. Everything after is uncharted territory. Already, looking at old pictures seems so odd. Like "who is that?" So strange. Dealing with the fat mentality is really hard. I know that I can fit into the majority of booths now, but I still get nervous and apprehensive when ppl show us to out seats in restaurants because I'm afraid they'll put us in a booth.
My hair is falling out a good bit, but it doesn't look bad. I just have to remember to put it in a ponytail when I cook. Speaking of, I've taken up baking as a hobby. I sell it and give some to family. Apparently I'm pretty good at it.
School starts in a few weeks, but we start band camp on the 12th. I got the schedule and we'll be going 8:30 to 8:30. I'm kind of nervous because most of that time we'll be on the field and I hope I can keep up. I do know that it'll be damn good exercise and my weightloss will probably really pick up again. Not to mention I'll be able to use the brand new state of the art gym they're building on campus.
Well, that's all my news.
4 months
May 11, 2007
Yesterday was four months post op. I'm down 85 lbs and I feel SO much better. The clothes are getting bigger and bigger, which sucks, but I'm still going to hold off until August to get new ones. I definitely can't start school in these things. People are really starting to notice, which in a way makes me uncomfortable because I hate compliments and being fussed over. 40 more pounds to my high school weight. I hope I'll make it there by the time I go to school.
OH, and I found out that the gym is going to be shut down during the fall semester for renovation. I hope there's a gym in town, but it's a really really small place, so I dunno. This sucks!
OH, and I found out that the gym is going to be shut down during the fall semester for renovation. I hope there's a gym in town, but it's a really really small place, so I dunno. This sucks!
Three months
Apr 19, 2007
My three month appt was about a week ago and I was down 70 lbs total, but I've lost about five pounds since, so 75 total!
I got my hair cut yesterday and I think it's really cute. I just want a change. I can't wait to make it to the 200's. I don't think I've been there since high school.
I got my hair cut yesterday and I think it's really cute. I just want a change. I can't wait to make it to the 200's. I don't think I've been there since high school.
Good God Ya'll
Mar 26, 2007
Is anything more frustrating than clothes shopping?! I'm the type that wears clothes until they wear out. And no, it's not because I'm fat and whatever. Shoes are the same way. Ok, I have a shoe fetish, and I've always bought all kinds of shoes, but I never wear them! I literally for about 10 years wore the exact same kind of shoes, buying a new pair each time one wore out. I hate shopping for clothing and the like. Hate it!
Now, imagine hating to shop for clothes and having to go buy clothes because yours are literally falling off, only to find out that you have to buy the exact same size! Wtf. Have sizes shrunk or what? My size 34 pants are literally falling off, I've had to resort to a belt (which is like torture to me), but yet I ended up with a 32 and they're snug! omgomgomgomg. So I grabbed the tape measure in the fitting room and measured my waist and it measured 57 inches! Last time I measured, I swear I measured 54. What the heck is going on?! I'm not going shopping again for six months at least, what a shitty experience.
Now, imagine hating to shop for clothes and having to go buy clothes because yours are literally falling off, only to find out that you have to buy the exact same size! Wtf. Have sizes shrunk or what? My size 34 pants are literally falling off, I've had to resort to a belt (which is like torture to me), but yet I ended up with a 32 and they're snug! omgomgomgomg. So I grabbed the tape measure in the fitting room and measured my waist and it measured 57 inches! Last time I measured, I swear I measured 54. What the heck is going on?! I'm not going shopping again for six months at least, what a shitty experience.
2 months out
Mar 10, 2007
Today is exactly two months since surgery. I'm down 43 lbs since surgery, 50 lbs overall. Twenty pounds to go to get to my college weight, 45 lbs til I get to my high school weight. I'm losing slow and steady. My first goal is 300 lbs. I want to get there by June 1st.
I've been taking things in stride, trying to stay away from the scale, etc. But everytime I see my stomach it's like OMG I WANT IT GONE NOW!!! Then I come back to Earth and feel secure knowing that in due time, it'll be gone.
Anyway, the most important thing is that I feel great... and the scale keeps going down, not up. Until next time...
I've been taking things in stride, trying to stay away from the scale, etc. But everytime I see my stomach it's like OMG I WANT IT GONE NOW!!! Then I come back to Earth and feel secure knowing that in due time, it'll be gone.
Anyway, the most important thing is that I feel great... and the scale keeps going down, not up. Until next time...
update
Mar 03, 2007
Well, I'm about 7 1/2 weeks out now and I'm down a total of about 40 pounds since surgery, around 47 overall. I've been on a stall and it sucks big time! I have a hard time getting in my protein and water. I'm always afraid of drinking too much or eating too much at a time. Then before I know it, the day is gone. Blah.
It's almost time to join the gym. I've been looking forward to that. I've been walking at home in the meantime, though my schedule got thrown off a little the past couple of weeks. My grandmother landed herself in the hospital, we didn't know if she'd make it or not. She pulled through though and got out yesterday. Now I can get back into the swing of things.
So I guess I'm going to be a slow loser. That's cool with me because my skin will keep up a bit better and my body will adjust a bit easier. But it's disappointing for everybody else. They think the weight is just supposed to fall off and they're obsessing over how much I've lost and everything. It kind of pisses me off because I'll be happy with having lost 40+ pounds and then you can hear the disappointment in their voices when they talk about it. If I had it my way I'd weigh once a year or something. I just want to forget about the scale and do what I'm supposed to do and see how it goes.
Anyway, I just wanted to update a bit. I need to get going.
It's almost time to join the gym. I've been looking forward to that. I've been walking at home in the meantime, though my schedule got thrown off a little the past couple of weeks. My grandmother landed herself in the hospital, we didn't know if she'd make it or not. She pulled through though and got out yesterday. Now I can get back into the swing of things.
So I guess I'm going to be a slow loser. That's cool with me because my skin will keep up a bit better and my body will adjust a bit easier. But it's disappointing for everybody else. They think the weight is just supposed to fall off and they're obsessing over how much I've lost and everything. It kind of pisses me off because I'll be happy with having lost 40+ pounds and then you can hear the disappointment in their voices when they talk about it. If I had it my way I'd weigh once a year or something. I just want to forget about the scale and do what I'm supposed to do and see how it goes.
Anyway, I just wanted to update a bit. I need to get going.
One month
Feb 09, 2007
I went for my one month appt on Wednesday and I'm down a total of 37 lbs including the seven I lost pre-op. I'm happy with the weight loss and can definitely tell clothing wise.
The thing that drives me nuts lately is... Well, if you've ever been morbidly obese and gone grocery shopping, you may have noticed you get ppl looking in your cart to see what you're buying. If you go out to a restaurant, you get ppl watching what you eat. And even if you go into any public place, you usually get "those looks."
Now it's like double time for me. I'm still morbidly obese, so all the above still happens. But on the homefront, ppl who know I've had surgery are constantly asking what I've eaten or they watch what I eat. Ppl keep calling to see how much weight I've lost, even though I had surgery like a month ago. It's like... why don't you call once a month.
So it's tough knowing you've lost about 40 lbs and will lose much much more, but you still have people staring at you and glancing into your grocery cart. I'm pretty laid back, so I tend to take it all in stride, but COME ON. Don't we have to deal with enough?
The thing that drives me nuts lately is... Well, if you've ever been morbidly obese and gone grocery shopping, you may have noticed you get ppl looking in your cart to see what you're buying. If you go out to a restaurant, you get ppl watching what you eat. And even if you go into any public place, you usually get "those looks."
Now it's like double time for me. I'm still morbidly obese, so all the above still happens. But on the homefront, ppl who know I've had surgery are constantly asking what I've eaten or they watch what I eat. Ppl keep calling to see how much weight I've lost, even though I had surgery like a month ago. It's like... why don't you call once a month.
So it's tough knowing you've lost about 40 lbs and will lose much much more, but you still have people staring at you and glancing into your grocery cart. I'm pretty laid back, so I tend to take it all in stride, but COME ON. Don't we have to deal with enough?
three weeks out
Jan 31, 2007
I'm three weeks out today and as of two weeks I had lost 20 lbs, which made 27 total since my pre-op. I can't weigh again until next Wednesday. It seems that I'm losing everywhere, except my stomach.
I don't ever feel hungry or full, which makes me super paranoid. I stick to around 1-2 oz each meal. I'm still on soft foods. Nothing has made me sick or really uncomfortable so far, which I guess is a mixed blessing. On one hand it makes me paranoid, but on the other hand I'm thankful.
About a week ago I developed a terrible pain around my belly button. I called my surgeon's office and they said it was most likely nerve damage and to ride it out. It was excruciating, let me tell you. It's not AS bad now, but still hurts pretty bad. I asked around and it is fairly common and usually lasts about two weeks.
I've decided to go back to school and sent off all my paperwork yesterday. I also decided to live in the dorms. I guess I'll be one of the oldsters on campus since it's a COMMUNITY college. Yeah, people think I'm crazy since I already have my BA in History, but I at one time was majoring in sign language interpreting and this particular school has an interpreting program, so I'm going to get an AAS in interpreter tech. It'll only take about two years and then I'll be able to get licensed and eventually certified. You can't do much with a BA in History unless you get a teaching certificate or whatever, and I've decided I don't want to teach.
Oh, and did I mention I'll be living on campus? lol. This should be an interesting experience. I'll be doing the whole random roommate pairing for the first time ever. Oh, and I'm going to be in the marching band too. I'm pretty excited about the whole thing, ready to get on with my life and discover the "real" me.
Anyway, there's a protein shake calling my name, so I better get off here. I'll update again in a week with how much I've lost.
I don't ever feel hungry or full, which makes me super paranoid. I stick to around 1-2 oz each meal. I'm still on soft foods. Nothing has made me sick or really uncomfortable so far, which I guess is a mixed blessing. On one hand it makes me paranoid, but on the other hand I'm thankful.
About a week ago I developed a terrible pain around my belly button. I called my surgeon's office and they said it was most likely nerve damage and to ride it out. It was excruciating, let me tell you. It's not AS bad now, but still hurts pretty bad. I asked around and it is fairly common and usually lasts about two weeks.
I've decided to go back to school and sent off all my paperwork yesterday. I also decided to live in the dorms. I guess I'll be one of the oldsters on campus since it's a COMMUNITY college. Yeah, people think I'm crazy since I already have my BA in History, but I at one time was majoring in sign language interpreting and this particular school has an interpreting program, so I'm going to get an AAS in interpreter tech. It'll only take about two years and then I'll be able to get licensed and eventually certified. You can't do much with a BA in History unless you get a teaching certificate or whatever, and I've decided I don't want to teach.
Oh, and did I mention I'll be living on campus? lol. This should be an interesting experience. I'll be doing the whole random roommate pairing for the first time ever. Oh, and I'm going to be in the marching band too. I'm pretty excited about the whole thing, ready to get on with my life and discover the "real" me.
Anyway, there's a protein shake calling my name, so I better get off here. I'll update again in a week with how much I've lost.
