It's a tool not a cure.

Feb 03, 2015

I am so disgusted with myself and feel like a failure with my WLS. I'm easily back to 340lbs and my legs feel so horrible. I am even more convinced that I have binge eating disorder and although I have been in cognitive therapy since I was 15 yrs old,I'm still so controlled by the food. I binge when I'm stressed. A year and half after my surgery I was fired from my job and was okay for a little while. I actually reached 259lbs in the summer of 2010 several months after being fired but then my finances got really bad as I could not find a new job. I have a masters degree (along with three other degrees) and yet I have not been able to find a job that provides a liveable wage since May 2010 when I lost my job. I turned back to food for comfort and honestly it was easier to eat crap then buy healthy food. I have gained a little ground during the last 5 years only to be faced with a huge financial stress or loss and would dive into the binge behavior. Since I had the sleeve surgery, I could binge the way I used too but eating high calorie/high sugar foods all day is just as deadly as eating large amounts in a short period of time.

I'm so depress and just want to crawl into bed and never wake up.....but through all the depression, negative feelings, & physical pain, I truly believe God has a plan for all this. He know the outcome and I continue to hold out hope that something will happen and my financial stress with go away and I will once again be able to focus on eating healthy and getting back on track. I so miss the "high" I had right after my surgery. 

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