Unbelievable

Oct 27, 2011

I can't believe it's more than two years since I posted last.  I want to keep this blog alive just to let folks know what RNY is like years out, because at least at the time of my surgery there were few "old' timers.  I'm hardly that at two years, but I've passed the golden phase where, theoretically, my surgery both restricts my eating as much as it ever will, and malabsortions waves goodbye at 18 months. 

While I have to yet to see my NP in a few days, when I'll get the results of my ultrasound and my labs (and if there are any issues I'll post again - if not you can assume everything is ok until next year!), I want to say I've been blessed with a completely complication-free post-op experience.  I continue to take bariatric vitamins and calcium +D3 supplements.  Miraculously my D remain at the higher end of "normal."  Everything else appear fine.

I continue to lose weight.  I'm at 151 now.  Basically if i exercise or if my appetite drops off, I lose weight.  Otherwise, I seem stable.  I've had no "bounce back" ten pound gain.  It's just been steady, slow loss with long, long plateaus.  I don't exercise regularly--my regular life includes a fair amount of acitivity, and frankly I'm both lazy and broke.  I can't afford the gym.  I could walk, but I hate the area I live in and most of the time it's too damn cold (incoming autumn blues).  Time is not the issue fortunately.  I took a job walking dogs and boy that walked my damn ass off for a few months and I lost ten pounds.  Lately my appetites dropping off, probably because of my meds, and I lost another ten pounds.  All in all as I said I'm down to 151.

It's not about the weight.  I mean from a social, self-esteem aspect, I definitely feel better and get treated with more respect.  I'll never forget I was once morbidly obese.  My doctor is quite heavy.  She knows I've had a bypass.  I don't say anything to people who don't ask.  My sister in law doesn't ask either; she knows.  Who else knows I could care less.  Interestingly nobody has remarked on my weight loss.  They tell me intead how good I look.  It's a taboo subject socially, at least the mingled white italian-american working class and professional circles where I mingle.

It's little things, like fitting through doorways, sitting in seats that fit, using towels I can wrap around my body, and because i've become a tmi kind of person, wiping back to front again.  I am thankful for everything that's been given back to me, and everthing that's been taken away.  The contempt; the judgement; the unintintentional and often intentional cruelty, the difficulties negiationing a world designed for smaller people.

There is not one second I regret having my RNY.  I guess I was not a food addict, but I also have to say the surgery did something more than just cause me to have to eat less.  My appetite for a long time seemed endless, but now I hardly think of food.  A bite of something I enjoyed is enough.  I am content to stop when I start to hiccup.  I am content to always eat protein first (althought i don't always!).  I have my numerous cheats and they don't hurt me a bit.  But my appetite has an END to it and the foods I like and don't like have changed enormously and, apparently, permanently.

I still love fats and I fearlessly eat high fat meals.  Sorry guys.  My ideas of healthy eating are much deviant from the norm.  I cook with the healthiest, purest fats I can find -- animal or vegetable -- and I eat all kinds of meats with abandon.  Then I have a few bites of veggies and if I can fit them without making myself uncomfortable, some carbs.  I can eat ANYTHING.  I mean really, almost anything.  A very few high-sugar items make me dump, and occasionally regularly food in normal amounts will unexpectedly put me in food coma.  That's unusual.  I know how to portion my meals by eyesight so I can enjoy eating normally, get what I need, get what I enjoy.  I eat more refined sugar and flour than I should.  Not in amounts, but by my standards of healthy eating.

I feel normal.  Since I lost the last ten pounds rather unexpectedly, I think it's possible I might even reach my surgeries goal of 145 lbs.  My personal goal of 124 is probably not good for me.  I suspect I will settle somewhere between 136 and 146.  I have a picture of myself at 150 pounds in my early 20's and I look awful.  I don't think I look anything like that now.  I think I look awesome.  I'm having fun with my hair and my clothes I never used to do, and I know much better what looks good on my body.  I feel so sad for that young Elena.  She had so many years of misery and obsessing over her weight ahead over her.  Losing and gaining, and ultimately losing the battle.

I've said it in the beginning (I think) of this blog and regardless I'll say it again.  I saw a special on bariatric surgery and suddenly realized that i probably finally qualified.   I always knew there was just something wrong with my body.  Fuck all those peope who say it's not medical.  I know it is because my tastes, appetite, and attitude toward food transformed overnight when I had that surgery.  And when I realized I might qualify, there was never a moment of doubt in my mind.  I called my insurance carrier as soon as possible, and got the information I needed to find a surgeon.  I did not want to go through any 3 month or 6 month program.  I was  'lightweight" (heading toward heavyweight, but why wait ten years for the inevitable to happen and go through all that pain and loss?).  I just wanted a great surgeon and no program.  I found that at Lahey Clinic in Burlington Massechusetts.  They didn't cover the sleeve and there were no surgeons in state who performed that or or DS.  But RNY - no problem, it was just finding the right fit and Lahey had what I want and presumably still does.  I even by chance or universal design met his ex-RN from his old office and she had nothing but golden things to say about him.  I can tell you now without compunction he was an arrogant asshole, but he was an excellent surgeon.  Within TWO WEEKS I had a date for surgery and the insurance approval. I jumped on that horse and rode it as fast as I could. 

No complications.  At all.  Very little dumping.  Nothing but intermittent, consistent weight loss.  Even when I was far from my goal I was happy.  I felt so much better being lighter.  It really is a burden.  Everything my life improved.

Today I am a happy, healthy, "normal" somewhat overweight citizen who probably sees herself about twenty pounds lighter in the mirror than she really is (except when trying on clothes, yuck).  I don't know if the flesh around my middle is skin or fat.  I thinks it's both.  I have stretch marks on my hips and I love them.  They are badges of the weight I've lost.  I would kiss them if they were more convenient, I would kiss them every day.

2 years and almost 4 months out, I can unquestionably say I love my RNY, even though I really wish I could have gotten the sleeve.  Eventually it will be more common and I think a superior choice.  But I can't say I have a single regret so far.  I've developed the habits that go around it and am reminded of it so rarely I actually forget I ever had surgery most of the time.  I actually only came by the site to grab some old pics (avatars) I can't find on the internet anymore and realized that it was just about a year since I'd posted last.  My intention has always been to provide as much useful information as possible to people researching this surgery.

As far as Lahey Clinic in Burlington Mass, and I'm going to finally write my review of my experience there, I want to say that at last at the time I got my surgery, in 2009, they provided excellent surgical staff.  Absolutely top-notch.  My surgical experience going in was a dream.  At everything else they pretty much suck or just don't offer services.  I would recomment Lahey wholeheartedly to anyone who, like me, is completely proactive about their own healhcare and very well researched.  If you want real support before and after your surgery, go somewhere else.  Really.  The staff there always seems like they either don't care or are so overworked they are too dazed to help you.  I have had to walk in to empty hallways, call for a nurse in the department, and tell them my NP had ordered some tests because there was literally noon around anywhere.   And, while the poor RN was trying to enter the tests into the system, who shows up but my rock star surgeon, who starts berating the nurse for not being in a staff meeting he is about to enter.  She tries to explain why but he is insulting and insistent.  This with a patient--HIS patient if he gave a shit, and he did recognize me--standing RIGHT THERE.  She finally got the tests entered (incorrectly) and we parted ways.  I will allow them to do annual follow-ups--for instance, this year Dr. N ordered an ultrasound, which is new--as long as I live in this area.  But I have already switched to Mt. Auburn and they are VASTLY superior (I have no idea if they offer bariatric services).  I had to pay to have my medical records transferred to my new PCP.  Soon my insurance carrier will cover my Mt. Auburn service but will up my copay dramatically (they are part of hospital network and are trying to force everyone to use their network, so their insurance is gradually changing).  If you are not that good at research and self-advocacy then BY ALL MEANS GO ANYWHERE BUT LAHEY.  Ok?  don't be lulled by fast service.  If I were not serious about research and nutrition, I would have had serious post-op problems.  NOT because of the surgery I picked, but because of the post-op support.

Comprende'?  I love my RNY.  Do your research.  Remember you are putting your life in your surgeon's hands.  If you know your lifestyle and your issues fit your surgery and your support system, then I say GO FOR IT!!!!  Get your natural life back!

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