Elizabeth M.
I remember thinking I was fat all of my life. But when I look back at my pictures I wasn't as fat as I imagined myself to be. I remember my mother dieting a lot and women coming over to exercise on our kitchen floor. (we had a huge kitchen) Once she told me if I lost weight she would buy me a whole new wardrobe. So I did it I exercised day and night, rode my bicycle until I thought my legs were gonna fall off. I got down to a 28 in waist. We went to the store and I was so excited about getting all new clothes. I tried on things I picked out and then I tried on things my mom picked out. She bought me 1 pair of blue jeans Lee's and a shirt the rest were all the things she wanted me to wear. I thought they were ugly. I got my new wardrobe alright. When I look back now the clothes weren't ugly they were just not me! I was not very popular in school and I didn't like to wear anything different than anyone else. When I wore the clothes she bought me all the preppy girls said how nice I looked. I could not stand those girls they thought they were better than everyone else and they were mean to my friends (the geek's). I was 150 lbs at graduation. Now I only wish I were 150 lbs.
My life has not been a charmed one don't get me wrong I never wanted for anything. We lived in a nice house in a good neighborhood. I had many "friends" to play with but the people that lived around me didn't know what was going on behind closed doors. I am sad to say like so many others I am a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of my father. My mother was in denial for many years but when I became an adult she finally acknowledge it had happened. I never understood why she stayed with him. One day after I had my own children I asked her. She said that she just wanted to make sure he could not victimize anyone else. She always knew where he was and who he was with. She made sure he never had another chance to do that again. I made sure too. I told him once when my daughter was just a baby that if he ever got any ideas of touching her I would kill him. I meant it and he knew it and he never did. I have met many of my fathers victims, most were within our family but a few were neighborhood children. I have since moved away from where I grew up so I don't have contact with my childhood friends any longer. Where we lived I had no relatives they all live where I live now in Ohio I was raised in PA.
I have never been back to go to any of my High School Reunions. In 2010 it will be 30 yrs since I graduated. I have read many OH profiles but one stood out to me. This woman talked about a guy she was in love with since she was a kid. He never paid her any attention until she lost the weight. She remained friends with his sisters and was invited to a party and he was there. When she arrived he was and with his wife but to her surprise he was morbidly obease, over 400 lbs. She found a seat that was not near him but she noticed that he kept looking at her throughout the evening. When she was leaving and saying her goodbyes he whispered in her ear that she looked great. That recognition from him gave her the strength to finally let him go. How wonderful a feeling that had to be!
I loved that story it is very similar to mine. I had a crush on a young man when I was growing up. He had feelings for me too. He would call me at night and we would talk for hours but because I was not popular he would ignore me at school and deny we ever even talked. I was so hurt but I have never got over my feelings for him. I would love to lose all this weight and go to that HS Reunion looking terrific and finally get that kind of recognition and finally be able to let him go.
I had a child when I was 19 my daughter Amber Joy is now 27. I had became very permiscues as a teenager, but I was smart enough to go to a clinic and get on the pill. After graduation I moved in with my sister. She loved to party so I met lots of guys one of them is Amber's father his name is Tom. Tom treated me just like the guy from High School except with him it was just a sexual relationship. When I got pregnant he denied he was her father he said that I was sleeping with many guys. This was true but when I was with him I never slept with anyone else. I knew who her father was and the blood test proved it. Needless to say we went our separate ways. He has never had a relationship with his daughter and when I married my husband adopted her.
I met my husband Gary when Amber was 1 1/2 yrs old. My parents used to take Amber on the weekends so I was able to go out and dance the night away. I met him in a bar and we hit it off. He had just got out of the Navy and had a terrific body! Mine not so good I weighed almost 200 lbs by then but, he didn't seem to mind. The night we met we danced and talked until the bar closed. I went home and told my roommate that I had just met the man I was going to marry. I couldn't even remember his name but I was sure he was the one. A couple of weekends later I went back to the same bar and he was there. He came home with me that night and we have been together for the past 25 yrs. We have had many problems in our marriage. He is an alcoholic and became very abusive. The first 10 yrs of our marriage was awful. We had 2 children together the second one was the product of rape. I had gone to the doctor when Lloyd our first son was a year old to find out about getting my tubes tied. I truly did not want to bring another child into my marriage. The doctor told me I had to have my husband signature before he would do it. He handed me a box of condoms and the paper for Gary to sign and sent me home. Gary refused to sign the paper and to use the condoms and forced me to have sex with him everyday until my next doctors appointment. I went and found out I was pregnant for our second son Cody. I was so angry. I was sure did not want another child. But I also did not believe in abortion. That nine months was a roller coaster of emotions. At one point we were arguing and he held a shotgun to my head. Once we got into a fight and he overturned the kitchen table on me and threatment to kill me with a hatchet. I endured it all. I wasn't an angel I ran my mouth but I never deserved to be treated that way, no one does.
One day after our second son Cody was born I was putting his birth certificate away and found some paperwork for Gary's daughter Trudy Jo. I knew he had a daughter and that her mother would not let him see her. He probably abused her too. Anyway I was looking at her birth certificate and I realized that it said "Mothers Maiden Name" for his dauther's mother. I always thought it was odd that she had named their baby after herself Trudy Jo but it never dawned on me that they had been married. Gary had told me when we got married that he had never been married before. I was so angry. We had a really bad fight that night. It ended as they all did with him threatening to kill me but I really thought he was going to do it that time. If the baby had not started to cry in the other room I am not sure what he would have done. I convinced him to let me take care of the baby and I spent the night in the recliner in the living room. I slept there a lot after that.
We had been married for almost 3 yrs before I met anyone in his family. He told me his parents were not very nice people and didn't want to have anything to do with them. He has two brother's and four Sister's. One day he decided he wanted to go and see one of his sister's. We packed up all three kids in the car (a chevy chevette) and drove the 8 hours to Newport New s, NJ when Cody was only a couple of months old to see his sister and her family.
Colleen was married to Ken and they had two daughter's they seemed very nice. and Colleen and I hit it off. We were in the kitchen cooking adn talking and Gary and Ken, Colleens husband were getting drunk and playing cards in the other room. I told her that Gary never told me about his marriage to Trudy and how upset I was about it. She said, "So, he never told you about Debbie his first wife". I I felt so betrayed and was shocked and upset I didn't no what to say. I waited until we went to bed that night to confront him about it. I reasoned that he wouldn't do anything to me while were at his sister's but I was wrong. When the arguing began the baby began to cry so I picked up Cody and ran down the hall to his sister's bedroom she and he husband opened the door and took Cody and shut it. He beat me so bad I ended up with two black eyes and I think he broke my nose too but I never had it checked. Nobody came to help me. I was a prisoner of my marriage or so I thought.
This kind of behavior continued and I stayed. I used to pray he would die. One day when I was desperate I got down on my knees and prayed that God would show me the true religion. I had always been a very spiritual person. I tried going to a lot of different churches but didn't feel confortable in any of them. The day after saying that prayer there was a knock at my front door. I opened it to find a little old black lady, she was one of Jehovah's Witnesses. She talked to me about the Bible and left me the Watchtower and Awake Magazines. She came back every couple of weeks and left me the magazines. I would put them on the kitchen table and never even read them. One day Gary said why do you keep taking those magazines from that lady if you never read them. So I started to read them. I was very impress with the information I was learning. One day she came and asked me if I would like a free home Bible Study. I told her no but took the book she offered and started to read it. One of the many places that we had lived our neighbor was one of Jehovah's Witnesses we and I had become friends. So I called Maryann and asked her to study this book with me and she did. I was so scared to tell anyone I didn't even tell my husband or my parents for almost 6 months. I was learning so many things. One of the first things I learned is that God has a name and that he hates a divorce. I was planning a to get a divorce I had contacted a lawyer. But decided to try again. I also learned I could not change him only myself. and because of my study of the Bible I could became a better wife and mother it took many years but I did. We moved again to Ohio and I continued to study. The abuse got worse with as did his drinking. He worked under the table jobs and never gave me enough money to pay the bills. I collected welfare and worked a part time job.
After 10 yrs of studying and attending meetings at the Kingdom Hall I finally dedicated my life to God and became one of Jehovah's Witnesses in November 1993. The fights got worse after that. One day I received a Watchtower magazine in the mail it was about abuse and how Jehovah did not expect us to continue to endue it. I realized what I had to do so I took action and I finally told him I was leaving. I went to talked to the elders at my Kingdom Hall I explained my situation and they they read me some scriptures. I showed them the Watchtower about abuse and explained I had reason to leave. They finally told me it was up to me and my conscience.
I got an apartment near the Kingdom Hall. To my surprise Gary made sure I had everything I needed. He paid my rent and turned on my utilities. He stayed in the house that we shared in the other town and even took care of everything including the utilites there. I was shocked but not impressed, I was determinded not to go back unless he changed. During this time my father became seriously ill and within a month he died. I am greatful that I was able to make my peace with him on his death bed. Gary supported me through it all and we got back together again but it wasn't long before he started to drink more and more and the abuse started all over again. I put up with it for about a year and I left again.
My mother had moved from the trailer her and my father had purchsed and she was living with her twin sister. I called and told her I was finally ready to leave and she gave me her trailer and that is where I live today. Gary begged me to come back I didn't want to go back to the way things were. I told him he had to chose the alcohol or me. He chose me. He stopped drinking for almost 10 yrs. He had a few slips and would binge drink but for the most part things between him and I have been good.
Our daughter Amber was a teenager by then. She had always given us a lot of trouble but things got worse when she hit puberty. It took 3 yrs of going to doctor after doctor but at 18 they finally diagnosed her with bipolar disorder. I think it became her mission to make my life a living Hell. She was in an out of school and hangikng out with the wrong people. She thretend to kill me in my sleep. She was drinking doing drugs and having sex behind my back. One day we were arguing and she hit me I went nuts. Gary had to pull me off of her. I have never been that angry before. She continued to scream and hit Gary with shoes and what ever she could get her hands on. He tried to hold her down but she go hold of a lamp and ripped the cord off of it and wrapped it around her neck. I called the police. They took her to the hospital and we followed. While at the hospital they seperate us. Amber was in the room with the doctor's and Gary and I were seperated were asked to give statement's to the police. Amber accused Gary of hitting her and trying to strangle her. They arrested him and told me I could take my daughter home. I told them they could keep her and walked out. She was put into foster care and she has only lived with me twice since then. Both times we ended up in fights and the police were called. The second time I went to jail for smacking her in her face for calling me a really nasty name. I am not proud of the way I reacted to her but it happened and that is that. All charges were dropped against us both.
When I was 35 I went to college and obtained a Certificate in Office Information Technologies. After graduation I was unble to find a job as an adminstrator so I went to work at a Telemarketing place for MCI World Com. They paid great and had great benifits. There was a manager there that had WLS so I asked her about it and she explained how it worked. I decieded it was just what I was looking for. I asked my PCP about it and he said that if I would just diet and exercise I would lose the weight. They couldn't even weigh me on the scale at that time because it only went up to 350lbs and I weighted more than that. I was so frustrated so I changed doctors. My new PCP was great she did all the usual workups and during an examine touched my side where my gallbladder was and I about jumpped out of my skin it hurt so bad. She ordered an ultra sound and of course could not read the results because I was to fat. She referred me to a specialist and I made an appointment with Dr. Colella at Alleghany General Hospital in Pittsburgh.
As I was riding the elevator up to Dr. Colella's office this really cute man got on the elevator and we spoke for a few minutes until we got to my floor. We both got off and I went one way and he the other. I took about an hour in the waiting room to see the doctor. They weighed me on thier scale and I weighed 425lbs I was shocked. They led me the room where I broke down and cried until the doctor came in. I could not belive my eyes it was the man from the elevator. He was so kind and asked me why I was crying. I expained to him I had not realized how much I weighted and was very upset at finding out about it. He asked me if I had ever considered WLS and I told him I could not get a referral and he told me he would be glad to give me one. We then talked about my gallbladder problem. He order a test called a Hydascan. I went that day to have it done and came back to his office the same day for the results. I had zero gallstones! The pain was caused by my liver. The ducts in my Liver were opening at the same time and forcing bile into my gallbladder before it was empty and that is what was causing me such pain. He gave me the referral and told me to make sure I told Dr. Weaver about my gallbladder test and that he would take care of it when I had my WLS.
I only waited 2 wks for my appointment with Dr. Weaver. I had no trouble with my insurance they appove me right after I completed Dr Weavers class and had seen the psychrist, had my EKG and had a barium swallow to find out how my stomach was emptying. I was very slow. my surgery was scheduled for 3 months later I had an open Vertial Banded Gastroplasty on September 27, 1999 the day of surgery I weighted 389 lbs. The pain of my gallbladder had helped me not to eat and I lost some weight.
After surgery I didn't have to many problems. Dr. Weaver had a tube coming out of my stomach for the purpose of giving my self vitimans. That thing was such a pain. My stomach acid came up the tube on the outside and burned my skin. It as horrible. I ended up in the emergency room and it was removed. After that Dr. Weaver nolonger used that for his patients.
In three months I lost 99lbs. I found a great job as a cemetery sales person so I changed jobs but I lost my insurance. The last 9 years have gone by so quickly. I have gained back a lot of my weight. I was able to find a scale on line that went up to 400 lbs and in November of 2006 I found out I weighed 375 lbs I had to do something. I had seen a commercial on TV about the Lap band and did some research on line. I went to a seminar and filled out the paper work to see the doctor. They called me a few weeks later. He told me that he would not do a lap band over a band since I had already failed at one band why do another. However, he did say that he thought he I was a good canidate for the RNY revision and he wanted to do an endoscope. I left that day very unsure about the surgery I never wanted my insides moved around. I had heard horror stories about people dieing from that surgery. Also for some reason I cannot explain I just didn't feel comfortable with this doctor. So I never went back.
That is when I decided to make some changes in the way I eat. I am an food addict and eat to comfort my emotions. Over the past year and a half I decided it was time to finally take control of my addiction. I got rid of all the processed food and anything with made with white flour. I bought pasta made with whole grains and began cooking everything from scratch. I found out 5 months ago I am allergic to wheat so I got rid of it. I now eat mostly vegetables, fruit, dairy and meat very little wheat product as they effect me badly. Over the last year I have lost 25 lbs. I started to do some research again on line this time on the RNY and that is how I found OH.
I called the hospital where I had my first surgery and found out that Dr. Weaver no longer does WLS. But that Dr. Colella does. So I made an appointment to see him. He was great and so was his staff. He told me I was a good canidate for the RNY and that he may be able to do the surgery Lap if I didn't have to much scar tissue. He was just as kind as the first time I saw him and answered all of my questions. His staff gave me the information to meet the criteria for surgery according to my insurance Independence Blue Cross.
I have to do 3 months of Physician Supervised Diet and Exercise to meet the criteria for surgery. So I decided to join a gym and I found a program at our local Hospital called Fit for life and began to exercise. In the last 3 wks I have dropped 8 lbs.
I have a new PCP is and she great and has agreed to write me a letter of recommendation as soon as I meet my insurance requirements. I intend to continue exercising even after my surgery. I am determined to lose this weight. I will be 46 in a couple of weeks and I want to be around for my husband, children and grandchildren a long long time.
Gary and I are still together he sometimes comes to the Kingdom Hall with me. We hardly ever argue or even have a harsh word. He hasn't hit me in 15 yrs. He has truly became a wonderful husband. Our youngest son Cody is married to a lovely girl Mary and they both go to the same Kingdom Hall as me.
Our other son Lloyd left the organization when he was 15 and now lives in Virginia. He is a good young man and I am very proud of him.
Amber's life continued to spin out of control and she had two children. She got into harder and harder drugs and lost custody of them to their fathers. I get to see them every other weekend. By not enabling her I have found peace of mind and she is doing better. She as stopped taking durgs and is getting her life together. There is a picture of all of us on my profile.
