Halfway there, and a WOW!

Sep 11, 2009

So the scale says 204 today. Since I started at 259, and I'm hoping for 150 as a permanent forever weight, I'm half-way there. I'm at numbers I haven't seen for 10 years, fitting easily into clothes I haven't seen in a while, either. I am aware now, that I no longer move with massiveness. I can pass for 'normal', whatever that is. My mother is no longer saying "but you have such a pretty face". There are actually times when I'm no longer the fattest person in the room, on the elevator, wherever.

I was hoping to get here before my three month mark (the 16th). Now my goal is to get to 197 before October 16th. That would put me half-way to my temporary goal of 135. Most WLS patients have bounceback of 10-20% when the nerves finish reconnecting in their stomachs, and they start experiencing real hunger again, combined with the ability to eat a wider variety of food. Of course, if you have severe emotional eating, you can always eat around the pouch, and some gain all their weight back. So I figure if I initially lose to 135 I can maybe settle at 150. Of course, if I lose to 150 and settle at 165, I'm perfectly okay with that, too. Depends on what my body wants to do.

I am also finally beginning to emotionally comprehend that the endorphine high I used to get off overeating is gone, never to return. Intellectually, I knew it before I had the surgery, but the more primitive part of my brain has finally caught up, and the sight of tasty food no longer brings the anticipation it used to. I believe this is how normal weight people feel about food. I used to think people that ordered a single taco at Taco Bell went home and really ate - now I am just beginning to see that when you eat for flavor, there is no point to eating three of them. Or even all of the first. I also see how you can miss meals, when my inner addict isn't jonesing for the overstuffed feeling.

And now for my big wow moment - My son's middle school is in what used to be the only school building for the town. The auditorium was built in the 1920's or 30's, and the seats are correspondingly narrow. Obesity wasn't a big problem 80 years ago! For the past few years, I have dreaded the auditorium events, because the seats were just uncomfortable for me. Well, at Wednesday night's welcome back to school meeting, I fit in the seat; even if my hips were touching on either side, I was no longer wedged in. I could turn my upper body to look behind me. I could breathe. Wow!

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