Ella887

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It seems so weird for me to say but I used to eat everything when i get nervous and ,Now ,It is hard just to get the basics in.
I can tell you with certainty I will not be able to eat what I need to today.Not even sure if I will try that hard to do it.
Today,I will be in court at 9am(again)
I have been dealing with this since Oct 08,and today...I'm not sure if I am strong enough.
My grandson was abused by his new "step dad", and today we have to listen to why the charges should be dropped for this  *&(&*(%#%$#@ .
I realize the chance of them being dropped are very small,and hopefully will not but it is still very stressful.
My grandson had a bruise on his right cheek  of 4 fingers for over a week and this piece of crap thinks he should not receive a punishment for that? The babies mother ,yeah she is a head case who stands by her man. 
You hear about things everyday on the news,you feel bad and you move on. When it happens to a baby (now 3y/o ) you love it is so diff.
So,not only do we have to deal with this daily but now we are helping my son get custody.Fathers have a tough time in RI,even if it is the best thing for the child.
Hopefully I Am making sense this morning but if I am not now you know why.
OK,off to get myself showered and get my head on straight.

Today I had a wow moment.
My husband wanted to buy me something new to wear for Xmas.
So, off we went.
I started with an 18,followed by a 16, nope to big.......I now fit into a size 14 jean(strech jean but still) 
 I am amazed that they fit, and not tight....they feel nice and even have room to move.
I know I am losing but never see it in myself.
I have to have hubby take a pic now,LOL.
WOW!

Went to get blood work done today,OMG 8 viles!
Now crossing my fingers and hoping everything will be normal.

Well today I am feeling alone in my life.
I have a wonderful family,great friends and life is not so bad.
I wonder why if it is all so good why I feel like this.
I know I will not always feel like this but it does not help today,today I feel stuck in this not so good feeling.
I have always been quiet,more of a listener than a talker but I am starting to wonder if that is a good thing. I want to scream!

I have not been doing great,I can't seem to get all the vitamins down in one day,not getting the protein in,and all in all not wanting to eat anything.
I know I have to keep trying and certainly will but it is tough.
I am watching the scale go down,but for me it seems to actually go down faster when you do everything right.

Yesturday I had a first,.....I put on a pair of capri's that I have not been able to get into for a year.That was a great feeling for me.


Tomorrow,....I will get up and do it all again...but I will try harder.