Faith
Update update update
Jul 31, 2007
Gosh it has been way too long. I just wanted to report a milestone.. I am feeling pretty good these days...drum roll... I am working out! yay!
I actually look forward that part of my day. Been focusing on cardio and weight training.
I have so many friends struggling with thier health.. not because of anything they did but just because they got what they got. I owe to them to take advantage of this time to get as healthy as I can.
Food is and always will be a struggle for me. I am a night snacker... so I have chosen night time to be the time I work out. When I come home it sometimes takes everything I have NOT to make bad food choices. I try to give myself some goof up room... and not be too hard on myself as that seems, at least in my case to be a recipe for disaster. I do my best to pick up from where I left off.
I actually look forward that part of my day. Been focusing on cardio and weight training.
I have so many friends struggling with thier health.. not because of anything they did but just because they got what they got. I owe to them to take advantage of this time to get as healthy as I can.
Food is and always will be a struggle for me. I am a night snacker... so I have chosen night time to be the time I work out. When I come home it sometimes takes everything I have NOT to make bad food choices. I try to give myself some goof up room... and not be too hard on myself as that seems, at least in my case to be a recipe for disaster. I do my best to pick up from where I left off.
Still surviving..doing good despite everything!
Apr 19, 2007
Yes.. my life continues to be one stress after another for myself and loved ones. But I just want to say.. IAM SURVIVING.. and I am doing ok. I am a strong believer in the saying that adversity builds character. Iam not asking for more bad times, HELL NO... I just know that I learn alot during those chapters in my life. Makes the good times even better.
As far as my weight.. I have been hovering between 116 and 120... some weeks I venture as high as 123 when I get snacky or eat alot of bread. I have been doing better with the late night snacking. Been taking inventory of the triggers if you know what I mean. Iam not always successful at fighting off the snack monster, but it's getting better. I don't want to be big again! I didn't do this to sabotage myself.
My health status has improved greatly in the last couple of weeks... Don't know why... no change in meds or anything.. still doing the chemo drugs plus others. I was told by the doctor a few weeks ago after some testing that I have the antibodies for the more erosive type of RA ( CCP anti-bodies) in addition to the RF, but I refuse to let this disease get me. I have made some wonderful friends in a RA support group I belong to. So many of them are my heros, the disease has ravaged their bodies yet they have such positive attitudes. It is as much a disease of the mind as it is the body. It affects a person in so many ways. It just feels wonderful to have this feeling good time. I know the nature of the beast works this way and all could be different later today, tommorrow or next week... but I refuse to let that rule me now.
:-) :-)
As far as my weight.. I have been hovering between 116 and 120... some weeks I venture as high as 123 when I get snacky or eat alot of bread. I have been doing better with the late night snacking. Been taking inventory of the triggers if you know what I mean. Iam not always successful at fighting off the snack monster, but it's getting better. I don't want to be big again! I didn't do this to sabotage myself.
My health status has improved greatly in the last couple of weeks... Don't know why... no change in meds or anything.. still doing the chemo drugs plus others. I was told by the doctor a few weeks ago after some testing that I have the antibodies for the more erosive type of RA ( CCP anti-bodies) in addition to the RF, but I refuse to let this disease get me. I have made some wonderful friends in a RA support group I belong to. So many of them are my heros, the disease has ravaged their bodies yet they have such positive attitudes. It is as much a disease of the mind as it is the body. It affects a person in so many ways. It just feels wonderful to have this feeling good time. I know the nature of the beast works this way and all could be different later today, tommorrow or next week... but I refuse to let that rule me now.
:-) :-)
progress no!
Feb 12, 2007
I would like to say i made some progress with my attitude and weight loss/maintanance. It just isn't happening. I don't seem to have the will power to say NO at times of stress. I am so mad at myself. There are just too many temptations hanging around the house these days and I am weak weak weak. Ugh. I have not wanted to get on the scale... I don't think i have weighed for a month. Tommorrow I shall weigh in the morning and try and get a fresh start on things. Iam hoping I am not tipping the scale higher than the previous 123 but I feel like my jeans are getting tighter.. so I won't be suprised.
Why is it that I cannot get a grip on it? I need a good kick in the butt for sure. Beside that I really need to learn to trust my wls friends, I just keep pulling away instead of reaching to them for support when I need it most. I just can't seem to put myself out there anymore. This last year I have had alot of painful interactions with people in my life. Typically I have always been an outgoing person, one who tends to lean towards seeing the humor in just about everything. I just feel like I am losing even that ability as of late. Ugh. I wouldn't say I am depressed... I just feel like I have lost "me". I go through the motions every day but don't really end the day feeling like anything 'special" was learned or gained. I feel like my wings have been clipped and two ton weights attached to my feet. I want to soar.
Why is it that I cannot get a grip on it? I need a good kick in the butt for sure. Beside that I really need to learn to trust my wls friends, I just keep pulling away instead of reaching to them for support when I need it most. I just can't seem to put myself out there anymore. This last year I have had alot of painful interactions with people in my life. Typically I have always been an outgoing person, one who tends to lean towards seeing the humor in just about everything. I just feel like I am losing even that ability as of late. Ugh. I wouldn't say I am depressed... I just feel like I have lost "me". I go through the motions every day but don't really end the day feeling like anything 'special" was learned or gained. I feel like my wings have been clipped and two ton weights attached to my feet. I want to soar.
Emotional Eating
Jan 15, 2007
Just when I thought I had a grip on this monster.. he comes back and grabs ahold of me again. It is scaring the hell out of me. Cause this time there are consenquences. I have gained some weight.. my lowest was 111.. but i didnt stay there long..and settled at 114 for many months... (8 mos) . well in the last month I have gained up to 123. UGH!
I know exactly where it came from.. bread, candy ...crap. . eating way too much of the food I have been cooking for my dad. Before he came to live with us.. I ate left overs from dinner the night before, did not keep bread in the house ( if I did it was frozen for gene to use), kept snack foods at a minimum and ate more protein. Iam eating way too often choices from zero nutrition foods.
I don't think I was prepared for all the emotions that come along with a parent coming to live with you in their last days. Unresolved childhood issues, pain, guilt, mortality/death..etc. I just felt like I needed to blog here... because I find myself physically isolating myself which feeds the emotional eating even more.. I have to break that cycle. Iam not going to be any good to anyone else if I don't do this for me. One day at a time.
I know exactly where it came from.. bread, candy ...crap. . eating way too much of the food I have been cooking for my dad. Before he came to live with us.. I ate left overs from dinner the night before, did not keep bread in the house ( if I did it was frozen for gene to use), kept snack foods at a minimum and ate more protein. Iam eating way too often choices from zero nutrition foods.
I don't think I was prepared for all the emotions that come along with a parent coming to live with you in their last days. Unresolved childhood issues, pain, guilt, mortality/death..etc. I just felt like I needed to blog here... because I find myself physically isolating myself which feeds the emotional eating even more.. I have to break that cycle. Iam not going to be any good to anyone else if I don't do this for me. One day at a time.
