Fallenangel2904

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I haven't posted an update on here in such a long time. I really did lose focus for a while and I fell a bit off the wagon. For a while I didn't lose any weight at all- months. Though I wasn't exactly working to lose weight. But at least I was maintaining and not gaining. Then somewhere around the holidays it all went downhill and my weight started to creep up. I stepped on the scale after Christmas and my weight ballooned up to 294 pounds again. 11 pounds up from my last updated weight on here. Over the last month I've really stepped it up and taken that weight off and then some. I'm down to 272 right now. This is the lowest I've been since surgery and I'm really happy with myself for stepping up and getting back in check. Down 107lbs total from my highest.

I'm excited to see 270- only 2 pounds away. That was my all time lowest weight- when I was 18. I'm so close! I'm on track again with losing and I'm happy about it. I don't really have a goal in mind as far as where I want to end up. My ticker on here says 200. Lets see where I wind up. I want to get to 250 and evaluate. I'm on track again and it feels really good.

So I'm sitting at 283 today and in 4 pounds I'll officially be down 100lbs from my heaviest (well heaviest known anyway) I have 10 days until my 6 month surgiversary. 4 pounds in 10 days? That's 2 pounds a week. Challenge accepted! I really want to see 279 for my 6 months! Lets make this happen Robin! Getting on it!

Before pic 370lbs    5 and a half months post op 283lbs

Very short update. I'm doing a bit better mentally lately so I've been on a positive path and am dropping weight again luckily. I'm down to 285 now, so 94lbs down in total. I'll be 6 months out in a few weeks (HOLY CRAP! How did that happen? lol) I really wanted to be down 100lbs by then, not sure I'll make that. It's only 6 more pounds but the way I've been losing latley IDK....but I'm still happy with 94lbs. I'll get there eventually. I will be a big milestone to see 279 on the scale, then 270. I've never been less then 270 in my adult life, that's only 15lbs from now so I know I'll get there.

All in all, set backs and emotional issues over the last few months aside, I'm proud of where I am and how far I've come. 94lbs down, 74 since surgery. Still a ways to go but I'm in a better frame of mind to get there now.

So I weighed in yesterday as it was my official 1 month, but got on the scale today and was down another 5 pounds? I don't really understand it but I'll take it. So instead of losing 7lbs last month this brings it to 12lbs. It's probably because I've been pretty nauseous lately and haven't felt like eating at all. There are times when I emotional eat, and other times when my emotions make me so sick to my stomach that the thought of food is repulsing. This is one of those times. So yeah down 12lbs for the month, 89 all together, Still struggling with the body dysmorphia issues as well as other emotional issues that are causing my head to spiral in bad directions (a break up has been the cause of most of this) so I have decided that this coming week I am going to seek professional help for my emotions, I realize I need it right now and I don't want to be a failure because of my emotional issues, Hopefully by next month I'll have some positive news.

So this is just a quick check in update for my 4 month surgiversary. Today It's officially 4 months since surgery and i'm down 84lbs all together. I FINALLY got under 300lbs and am sitting at 295 today. I only managed to lose 7lbs last month....which is my fault. This last month I've really struggled with emotional issues. It's hard to put into words but sometimes I am totally satisfied with where I am with my weight and question if I want to lose more. And I know this is probably in part to other issues that are too deep to get into...but I debate with myself often what I really want. The thing is, I think spending so long as a super morbidly obese person has really screwed up my perception of what 'thin' is. Hell some days I FEEL thin which obviously at 295lbs I am not...but in comparison to almost 400lbs I do feel thin.

It's a strange thing, but being so big can definitely warp your perceptions. Then there are times when I actually in some ways MISS being bigger. I don't understand it and I think it was probably because of my involvement with the plus size communities and other big woman over the years, but I became almost attached to being fat, specifically over 300lbs- and to not be there now leaves me feeling....strange. I miss certian features of my 'old' body that would probably repulse most normal people, and when I see a woman who is bigger then me I almost feel a sense of sad wistful feelings.... its really rough to admit this because now I feel SO much better then I did then physically. Like I would NEVER want to feel like that again because it was painful and physically draining on my body. Now I have a LIFE and can live it. I can walk anywhere I want, I can shop ANYWHERE- I've always loved to shop and clothes but at a size 22 as apposes to a 26/28 life and shopping is SO much better. I work hard to try to understand these feelings and when I've tried to talk to friends or family about them no one really understands it. Hell I don't even understand it. And I debated whether or not to even put this on here because I know a lot of people probably can't understand where I'm coming from either on here. Most people on here strive to be as far away from fat as they can get. I've been considering getting professional help because I don't want to be put in the position of sabotaging myself and my health because of a form of body dysmorphia which I am sure I have. And I feel like I HAVE been sabotaging myself, maybe not totally intentionally but in the back of my mind 'Oh just have a cookie, you're already pretty 'thin' anyway...' I don't want to do that.

I'm really struggling with these things and I hate it. I know I've done pretty well thus far, and I don't want that to end here. I'm proud of my lose of 84lbs. I feel SO great and active physically- which may be part of why I feel its 'okay' to not lose more- its night and day from where I was and its almost as if I'm living a different life now. So I guess I justify stopping because I feel better. Of course I feel better, at nearly 400lbs I couldn't do ANYTHING... I'm just mixed up which is why I am going to seek professional help for these issues. Its very hard to come here and admit these issues but I want people to know that every ones struggles and journey is different and it isn't all roses.

I'm a little late with my 3 month update. The last month has been pretty busy for me. I've had some emotional issues with letting someone go out of my life that was long overdue. Surprisingly it wasn't a trigger to to eat like it has been in the past. But I found myself really needing distractions. I started making positive changes in my life- I took an internship that will hopefully get me a job one day in my field and give me some good experience. I also finally did something that was long over due- I got my permit and am taking driving lessons! I know at 24 not many people don't know how to drive lol, but living in NYC I never felt the need to- but now I want to learn to broaden my options in life. Just another thing I'm doing for ME.

As far as weight loss- I'm down to 302lbs so down 14lbs this month! Some times I think my weight loss has been slow but when I look at it like that, 14lbs in a month is A LOT. I'm SO close to the 200's I can taste it! I really wanted it for my 3 month surgiversay but that's okay! I'm down 57 from surgery and 77lbs all together from my heaviest (heaviest known anyway. I always stress that because I know I was definitly over 380 at my heaviest but it was never documented) I can't believe how close I am to being 100lbs down! The most I has ever lost in my life was 68lbs on my own when I was 18. The fact that I surpassed that now makes me SO happy! I'm just about 30lbs until I get to my lowest weight ever- 270lbs. When I see 269 on the scale, I swear I won't know what to do with myself! So excited to get there! As for sizes, I was in a 26/28 at 380+ and now I'm around a 22, though some smaller things fit me, and some larger also, depends on the cut, brand etc. But I'm going with a 22 lol.

I'm really happy with where I am! I know I'm still pretty big by most people's standards but I feel like I'm the hottest thing in the world most days LOL. I feel so good, I have a ton of energy and I can just LIVE now. Even if I never lost another pound I would be THRILLED to be where I am! So grateful to be able to live in the world again as a functioning member of society. This surgery was always about being able to live a life, not for vanity. I know I was pretty before, now I just feel amazing all over AND I'm able to shop for cuter clothes to show myself off! :D Hoping to drop 10 pounds this month- fingers crossed!

Here's a picture I dug up from last January- I was over 380lbs there- and the after is today at 302! :)

Wow it's been almost two months since surgery for me! Feels like just yesterday I was still doing pre op stuff and anxiously awaiting insurance submission. Going to make this a brief update. I'm down 43lbs post op an I feel AMAZING. 63 all together. I know it could have been a bit more but I have gotten a little off track over the holidays. I hate to admit that being so early out but I did. Had some emotional issues come up over the last month or so and it's been a bit hard. But I'm still happy with my progress and I know I will only do better from here. I feel amazing. I can live life again. Pre op at 380lbs+ I was in so much pain physically. I don't think people even really knew how bad it was for me. I couldn't walk down the block with out being out of breath or feeling like my body would give out. I can finally live in society again. Do silly things that most people take for granted. Go up a flight of stairs, walk down the block with out feeling like I'm going to die. Go through a turn style again in the subway with out people gawking at me because I have to go through side ways. I had outgrown New York City. Now I'm finally feeling like I can actually live here again and it feels really great!!

I celebrated my birthday this week- 24! Yikes the years have passed lol but I feel I look younger and feel better then I have since I was 18. I started this year at 380+ I was honestly pushing 400lbs at my biggest, though I don't have my heighest weight documented. Today I'm 316lbs. Only 16 pounds left to get out of the 300's forever!!!! I can't even believe it! SOOOO thankful I did this! Best thing I've ever done! It can only get better from here!

Hello OHers! It's been 6 weeks or so since surgeryy for me. Wow really that long? Well I'm happy to say I'm doing awesome! I had some personal things going on in my life that distracted me for a little while and kind of threw me off my game so to speak. I was still doing what I was suppose to be doing surgery wise, just wasn't on here or any support pages much, and wasn't fully tracking my foods. Now I'm on top of it all and I think I'm doing well!

I strive to get 600-800 calories a day- I'm usually on the higher end of that. I honestly felt I can eat a lot, but I know it's not much compared to what a normal person eats. I just get scared that there's something wrong lol but I am eating very small amounts. My meals are protein and then veggies. So on a typical day I would have 1 egg with a little cheese for breakfast. Lunch a peice of deli turkey rolled with cheese and maybe some hummus. A snack of a cheese stick or turkey jerkey stick and dinner baked fish and some broccoli. That's a typical day for me. I still am drinking my protein shakes but not every day. Trying to get protein in from real food, but some days its just way easier with a shake in the morning.

As for weight loss, I've lost 56lbs total- 36 post op. I'm super happy with this! Though this last week I went from 323- my lowest, and then two days later was 325 again. Know it was just water weight but YIKES that killed me. I had some very salty stuff the day before and know it was obviously caused by that (and TOM) so hoping to get back down. I've dubbed Wednesday's my official weigh in days, but didn't weigh this week because of Christmas. Didn't want to torture myself lol.

My pants are falling off though! I'm on my smallest belt loop yay! All in all I feel amazing! I haven't had this much energy in about 5 years. I'm walking SO much more, able to actually MOVE. Before surgery and being over 380lbs I couldn't walk to the corner store. Now I'm walking blocks, up train steps, walking around the city keeping up with my smaller friends. Its great! I do still get winded so I can't wait to get to a weight where I'm not out of breath when walking. For me it was about 285 when that happened and I can't wait to get there again!!

So I'm very happy with my progress so far. I'm going to post some 1 month progress pics soon for anyone who wants to see (If anyone even reads this haha) I'm taking progress pictures every month in the same outfit (well same pants, couldn't find the same shirt for the 1 month pic haha) but I can already see a difference! The pants are a lot loser then they were before yay!

So until my 2 month update (which will be January 14th) tootles! Oh and January 7th is my birthday so I would LOVE to be able to get out of the 320's by then- fingers crossed!

I figured I would post this on my blog too incase anyone was interested. I've been singing this soups praise all day. It's the first thing on liquids I've had that has made me full and satisfied. A little carby but awesome! Ill be posting some more recipies here for sure. I love to cook and its really fun for me to adapt recipies and make then WLS friendly. So here's the soup

1 chicken breast
4 cups chicken stock
1 chicken bullion
1 can northern white beans
¼ cup chopped parsley
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp curry powder
¼ cup greek yogurt
1/4 cup of milk

I didn't realize it would make as much as it did, I'm still getting used to small servings lol. Next time I think I'll use more chicken breast considering how many servings to get the protein a bit higher. It made me 7 1/2 cup servings

Cut up chicken in cubes, put in stock and bring to a boil with the white beans, bullion, parsley, garlic and curry powder. Let boil. Once boiled and chicken is cooked puree in a blender. If you're not on liquids anymore I suggest pureeing only half and leaving the other half chunky! But was delish all smooth!

Put back in pot, return to heat and stir in milk and greek yogurt. Heat until smooth and creamy and you're done! This was so filling! I've been having a hard time getting full on full liquids but I felt satisfied for the first time with this! Would definitely eat it even if I wasn't on liquids!!

Nutritional info for 1/2 a cup serving
Calories: 74
Fat: .1
Carbs: 10
Fiber 3
Protein 7

I'm home and I actually did it! I had surgery Wednesday the 14th and got home Friday the 16th. Was in too much pain to come on the computer the first two days home. Today I've felt a lot better. In fact every day is better then the last, I have a lot of incision pain still in the middle of my stomach and a large tent that really pulls and hurts when I stand up or walk. I'm really hoping that dissipates soon. It's annoying because otherwise I feel great and want to get up and start moving more. The nausea and pain was pretty bad the first two days, I was in a lot of pain but the morphine helped though it definitely made me more nauseous so it was a catch 22. I had an AMAZING bunch of nurses and doctors though. Seriously I was so pleased with the care I got, I know its their job to be helpful but sometimes you get nurses with awful bedside manner and I didn't have that problem with one person. And I was a rough patient at times because I was in a lot of pain, crying...it wasn't pretty. And they were excellent to me. I was sweating all night the first night and one nurse brought me cold rags every hour and even held my hand when I was crying. I'm so thankful for that and literally will be something I remember my whole life.

Now that I'm home I'm doing SO much better. I feel good aside from the stomach muscle pain and pulling. It really hurts to move too much and I haven't been able to walk around as much as I want to. I wish I could go for a walk or something but it just hurts way too much :( I've been trying to be active in the house but I want to move more. My mind is raring to go but the pain won't quite let me yet bleh. As far as eating, I went from nausea with no hunger, to a bit of hunger and able to take a few bites to now being able to eat 1/2 a cup of soup. I do have some hunger which I was hoping wouldn't happen. But since Ive been on full liquids thicker soups fill me a lot more then broth. I can't wait until pureed!!! Seriously I have a bunch of meals planned lol. All in all I'm doing good now. I can't wait to weigh in. I have my 2 week appointment on the 27th- excited for that! I want them to be proud of my progress so fingers crossed for a good number!!