fargosrm

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I had my surgery in 2013 a few months into my weight loss; I started to notice that my rear end started to hurt and go numb after sitting for only a very short period. I had not had a history of this before surgery, so I chalked it up to there not being as much skin between the bone and chair now. I also figured I would get used to it, and it would eventually get better.  I was wrong as time ticked by the pain got worse and worse, it got to a point where even sitting on a soft couch for too long resulted in agony. I started trying all manner of fixes. Examples of this would be icing my rear end lol, and first aid cream and oh yes God help me the donut cushion for my touchy. That last thing helped a little but still the pain persisted. Three years go by of me dealing with this. Finally, I ended up at my yearly med check with my primary care Doc, and I asked him about it. He, of course, wanted me to drop my pants and take a look I was thinking more along the lines of and x-ray, embarrassed and desperate for relief I complied. I hear him go hmm you have some extra skin and what looks to be a bit eczema. He asked if I had tried cortisone cream. I had in fact done that at one time, but with no positive results.  I was sent home with a script for a much stronger dose of cortisone. I applied it three times a day and within a few days, I had blessed relief. I still have to get up and walk around every hr for a few minutes just the keep the blood flowing when at work, but I am way better off now than I was before. I also have a script for that wonder cream for flare ups. It’s funny it never occurred to me that the pain I was feeling could be anything other than a bone spur or pointy tailbone I was sure of it, being the armchair doctor that I am. 

 So in conclusion; I fell prey to the macho male side of things. I should have spoken up sooner to my primary care doc doing so would have saved me from at least a couple of years of pain, stress and embarrassment. 

Best Regards

Shane

I’m coming off of 5 days of sun and fun. I took a five-day staycation at home, just me myself and I. During that time I managed to bike over 133 miles in three days. It’s was a glorious time for me very freeing.  I managed to get through a couple of audio books while I was racking up those miles. I also conquered my fear of sharing the road with cars in a big way. I went from the strictly riding on bike paths to riding on the side of a two-lane highway. I also learned how to use a helmet mirror; this took me about thirty minutes to get comfortable with; I now love it. My weights stayed at 229 for the past few days sometimes it will go up a bit based on water consumption and how much waste I’m caring around. I weigh daily in the mornings before stepping into the shower I’m a purist don’t want to count shoes and clothes against my weight. I also got to lift weights three times last week and my strength has increased a bit, so I’m pleased with that. Monday will be a little bit of a bummer coming off such a great personal week. I’ll soldier through it, you’ve got to love those first days back. I hope I remember what my password is and oh the emails I’ll have to go through so much fun. Having, this time, off to myself made me think of when I was a young kid and all the fun I had when my summers were spent exploring the world. I still have two younglings at home eleven and nine that are in those wonder years, where tree climbing and turning over rocks in a creek searching for crawdads are the only care in the world for the day. It’s funny when we reach a certain age all we want to do trade those days in for adult responsibility then we work for 40 years to reach, the age where we can again return to those days when we can leave work behind and just enjoy our day's real circle of life stuff here folks. I am hoping lightning will strike twice. I’ve had RYN, and I consider my myself lucky for that, maybe I can win the Powerball. Next, I can dream, right?

First, it’s terrible what she did to that poor woman. There’s no question it was bullying and even if the lady she took photos of was not overweight it still would have been wrong. You just don’t do that we are supposed to feel safe in the locker room it’s a no phones out in the open zone. Members are lucky at my gym we have a Men, Woman and a family locker room. I have up to this point only used the family one when I have taken my small children to swim, this is what those rooms are for. They not for individuals without children or for couples to make out in or worse which does happen from time to time.  I have fought the urge to be ashamed of my loose skin and showing it in public. I have sagging skin under my arms, a little around my belly and of course, my inner thighs I’ve seen worse and I’ve seen some better than. The point is when in the men’s locker room, I’m not checking the other guys out I’m in there to change my clothes, taking a shower and that’s it. I would not be taking photos of others in any state of undress or otherwise in the locker room.  I guess I’m feeling a bit shocked that this would happen. I felt safe in the men’s locker room. I know I’m gullible too trusting. I had to be that way or never would have walked in the door in the first place.  I get it that  people who have never had a weight problem might be a little uncomfortable about being around overweight folks. I don’t agree with it, but I understand it because I’ve dealt with it most of my life. They see us alien and I'm sure there is  a myriad, of different reasons why are that way. Prejudice towards obese individuals has been around for awhile it's just something we deal.We all of us have to work be tolerant and excepting of each other. We are all human if were all carbon copies things would be quite boring. I’m not going to stop going to the gym and I’m not going to use a private changing room although I understand if some folks are compelled to do that. It’s personal choice and with any choice there a risk of adverse consequences. I only wanted to be treated with the same respect give others. I exist yes, I'm not perfect I have flaws hiding is not going to help, it's only going to reinforce the bad behaviors we see some committing like this gal Dani. It's up to us to take a stand and educate people the world around us is for all of us, not just those chosen few. I wonder what  the legal consequences of what she has done are? Some of our lawyer members might be able to shed some light on that topic. I’ve heard she’s already shut down her snapchat and twitter accounts. She’s also been fired from her place of work. I’m not what she does for a living other than her big claim to fame of being a playmate of the year or something. I believe she should be punished, but I also believe in 2^nd chances too. I hope she and any others like her learn from this. I know I just went all unicorns and rainbows. I try to put a positive spin on everything the glass is half full, there are only 4 lights ( STNG reference) lol. I blame wonders of modern medicine and anti-depressants for my somewhat unrealistic positive outlook on things. 

I have officially crossed over into lowest weight I’ve been since like 1984 omg 229 and still dropping yea me. Okay enough with the celebration and back to work. A month ago I was getting bored with just walking and running. I needed a change I looked over in the corner of my garage and saw my shinny Trek bike sitting just accumulating dust, huh I thought to myself. I’ve never road a bike for more than 5 or 6 miles and just a leisurely pace. We are talking maybe 2 or 3 times during summer that’s it, then snow flies and it’s back into storage. So I figured what the hell I’d give try. It’s not like this Seattle with all kinds of hills its flat you want a hill you head to an overpass. We make up for the lack of hills with wind. There is nothing to block the wind coming from any direction no mountains and very few trees. So you either have to be in super good health or you get an app that tells you when the wind speed will be low and you pray it’s right. I’ve already been on the wrong end of bad forecast those that ride bike know what I mean for those that don’t picture yourself half way through a 30 or 40 mile ride you thought you riding into the wind, but now you know you weren’t as when you reach the turnaround point you discover the forecasted 3-5 mph wind has turned into 25 mph sustained with gusts up to 35. Now I don’t have racing bike I don’t have 10 speed bike I have 7 speed hybrid which lets me ride in a less hunched over form. So there you are you have your bike set on seventh gear peddling to beat hell and you are barley moving practically standing still, oh and did mention your kind of tired already. Your legs ache bit but you solider on it’s a matter of pride you will finish ride wind be damned. You finally make it home as soon as you get out wind and off your bike you realize three things. The first is your legs feel like jello, the 2^nd is you can’t feel your butt, and the 3rd you completely soaked with sweat it’s dripping off you. Ah the joys of exercising outdoors in North Dakota. I know that little story makes it sound bad, but I’ve discovered I really enjoy it. On my bike I can cover more ground see new sites and its lower impact on my body overall. Don’t get wrong now there are days here when everything comes together for a perfect day too, those days are awesome. As for the weather you just have hope for the best and plan for worst and make adjustments accordingly.

 Along the lines of change, I also have added weight lifting to my routine. I try and get in an at least an hr 3 times a week. I would love to say I’m going to be this awesome muscle bound guy, but that’s just in the cards. I will get stronger though and I need too. I let my body go to the point that I need to build my strength up to do basic stuff like push-ups and pull-ups. It’s funny some parts of my body have plenty of strength, weak areas are the stomach and shoulders. I’m making progress it will take as long as it takes. I just want to be able to do those things again and to keep at it. Not everyone has to do that some of us are just fine with not being able to do those things and have lost all the weight with little or no exercise. I just can’t sit around anymore. I had my fill of that for last 15 years its’ time for me to move. I only listen to my books when I’m exercising, so it’s a reward thing for me the time flies by as I’m discovering the world that is outside of my living room more and more each day.

NSV moment at the water park. I went up and down the big 5 story slide 47 times and was still able to walk the next day, no back issues at all. I was able to fully participate with my 8 and 11 yr old kids. Just a couple of years ago I would have weighed way too much to go down the slides and even if I could have my back would have been wrecked for weeks afterward. I came to  a truce with my perfectionist side and didn’t lose it when I didn’t get to work out for 3 days. I was careful with what I ate while we traveled and stayed on plan, then when we returned home I picked right back up where I left off with my exercise. I hopped on my bike and fired up a good fiction audio book and away I went right back into my routine. Something has awakened in me that I have not felt in a very long time. It’s not weight related and I can’t get it out of my head, exercising to the point of exhaustion helps to push it to the back of my mind most days. I can’t even talk to anyone about it which is super ironic the one person I would want to talk to about it I can’t. I’ll come to a conclusion on what I should do eventually. In other news, I’m starting to really like lifting weights, even though there are some Grand Ma’s that can lift more weight them me at some of t
he stations. I had really let myself go to point that I have to start building back up the muscles to just do basic things like oh pushups. I used to be able to bench press 210 now I’m lucky if I can get 70 up for 12 reps. It’s just like everything else it will take some time to get stronger. Does this help me lose weight faster..meh maybe a little, but it’s mostly diet. water lots of water, and a healthy dose of patience grasshopper. I do the cardio and the weights because it’s important to me that I am physically capable of pulling my own weight. I don’t want to have to depend on the charity of others do things I should be capable of doing myself, like moving heavy things or even just getting myself up off the floor, that’s how bad off I was. I’ve come a long way, but I’m not quite there yet I’ll get there, though. I also use the exercise in the place of food to deal with emotional issues we all have our own way of dealing with those I gravitated to this.

A teenage problem of mine has returned in a big way recently. I wake up in the middle of the night or early morning with calf muscle cramps. To me it feels like my whole calf just popped out and totally tightened up. I’ll lay there waiting for it to go back in or slowly reach down and try and massage it back in hurts like the dickens at the time. It’s not something I enjoy so I’ll look into taking some potassium and also spending a bit more time rolling out my legs after coming back from a long ride or walk. I don’t think it’s dehydration I’ve had that before and besides that I’m drinking over a 100 oz of water a day.

Here's a nonweight loss related story, that happened while we are at the water park arcade , my youngest Addy was trying desperately to win a Max doll from the movie Secrete lives of Pets by playing the claw machine. She had dropped about $50 into the machine. I know what you are thinking and Yes we did try and talk her out of spending all her money on it but when she gets focused there’s no stopping her. The other thing about Addy is she has a bit of an Addytude problem if she loses think Mt. Vesuvius lol. Anyways she’s down to her last 2 tokens, now I’m am not a religious person, I don’t go to church I wasn’t brought up that way. It’s not that I don’t believe in a higher power I’ve just never gone and I don’t really know how to talk to God. That said there I stand in this arcade behind my little red headed daughter preparing for the onslaught of unstable anger and frustration that was about to head my way. I close my eyes and drops the last 2 tokens in I hear the claw start to move and I find myself thinking these thoughts. Dear heavenly father, we don’t talk much I know, but please oh please let her win this damn doll, then I hear her squeal of joy I didn’t I did it. I open my eyes and sure enough, she has the Max stuffed animal in her hands. Who says there isn’t a higher power and with that, I end this installed of life in Shane’s world.

A hundred plus pounds down and the lady Doc doing my prostate check says to me when talking about med dosages, " well you're a big guy" doh hh hh. So not only did I have some woman that I don't know inserting a finger in my nether regions with of course an audience of one female nurse. While I was still reeling from that experience she uttered those words. On the plus side of things all is well with the old prostate except for the fact that it's decided to put on muscle mass which has prompted me to have to take medication to allow for the normal shall we say the flow of things to resume. I was bummed at first I had lost over half of my regain at that point and was feeling pretty good about myself, this just served as notice that I've still got a long way to go before I won't be that big guy. To be honest I probably will always be a big guy at six feet and with broad shoulders, I don't think that tag will ever go away for me even at goal weight. I've also come to the realization that, I'm not going to be Hollywood handsome once I reach my goal. What I will be is slimmer, healthier, and active. I have lose skin that hangs around my upper arms, lower stomach, and inner thighs . I practice cover up like most of us do with clothes. I do have muscles they are just covered in extra skin. The only time it's a real issue is when at the gym when doing pull ups my apron of fat and skin hang down as my shirt rides up, or when using the whirlpool or steam room. Up and until this point I haven't really been self-conscious about it, I was mostly like I don't give a damn, but recently I have caught a few folks staring at me, so now I'm a little embarrassed I've never worn a shirt while in the pool except for when outside as I get horrid sunburns. Skin removal surgery is probably not going to be in the cards for me. I'm married and my wife loves me no matter what, She loved me at 383 lbs and she'll love me at 210 lbs with loose skin. The plan for now I guess is to find a nice swim shirt to wear when in public.  Well, this was on my mind and I wanted to get it out, they say it's good to journal your feelings especially if you don't have a lot of friends. I'll address the friend topic another, day though. 

Coming back online after a 2 yr hiatus. A lot has happened since last posted here. Life threw a few punches at me, I lost some folks I care about along the way and I used that as an excuse to fall back into bad eating habits and drinking. I numbed myself up real good and ignored the scale and my family wallered in my own self-pity for quite some time. When I finally came to my senses, I realized that not only had not reached my goal, but I had packed on 60lbs, before hitting my 5 yr mark. I basically went mustang for about  1 year. I'm lucky it was only 60lbs and not more. I turned myself into my bariatric, team and we came up with a plan to lose the regain and to go for hitting my goal weight, so far I've lost 50lbs of the weight I regained. I'm eating right and exercising daily. I love being outside, I can't seem to get enough of it. I run, walk, and bike all over the place. I'm also learning to love lifting weights. I joined OH the day after my surgery was completed, in the beginning, I used it as a lifeline to help me overcome anything I had not foreseen. There are a few vets that are a constant around here that I have gained lots of knowledge from reading their thoughts and tips. I don't always agree with everything they say, but I very much respect them as people and for what they have accomplished. Losing the weight is easy keeping it off is the art we all have to learn to manage. As they say this not a race it's not even a marathon it's a lifestyle we have to change as people and accept that this is the life we have chosen to live. It's not that we can't go back to the way things were before our procedures we sure can do that it will suck but we can,we can gain all the weight back if we so chose to do so, or we can conform to our new reality accept that these are lifestyle changes that need to be permanent and the rule, not the exception. It may seem like the hardest thing to do for some, it's not though it's all in your head flip the switch change survive, thrive and enjoy life.

Another thing I think I did wrong was postponing happiness until I reached a certain weight or pant size. I viewed weight loss as grueling and slow process not to be enjoyed, but  a necessary although, unpleasant requirement to reach my eventual happiness. It never even once  occurred to me that, the journey, not the goal was where I would find my happiness. What I mean by that is that I needed to pay attention to what it takes to get to goal and not fight and loath it at every turn, but to instead refine it learn what works for me listen to my body and my stomach. This is a lifestyle it's not going end if you want to stay healthy you will need to eat, and exercise both your brain and your body to stay healthy. You may be able to enjoy a special treat here and there. Maintenance is the name of the game folks or life as I like to call it. What's changed about me? I'm not just eating what I'm told to eat by my plan or others, I'm actively listening to my body as I eat, does this taste good? How does it make my body feel, am I full should I stop eating now?  I eat alone and not with the family, I have a goal to change that. I may not be eating what they are eating be we can have the meal together. Isolation is not the answer, I can't do this alone and I can't alienate my family to reach my goal we shall reach it together stronger as a family. When I exercise outside I'm not just going for time or distance. I'm looking around, I'm taking time, to appreciate the  blue sky the green grass, the trees , the other people I see along the way. I'm living in the moment and I'm realizing what a great gift it is to be to be out there. I feel alive and part of the world again. 

Another thing I've battled is procrastinating. I have what the psychologists call perfectionism procrastination. What's that mean, well it means that I put off doing things indefinitely if I can't be perfect at it. Say I, set a goal to run 5 days week for no less than 1hour each day and X amount of miles, if I don't make that goal one day I throw my hands up in the air and just quit. I don't finish the day and I just scrap the whole week. Here's the thing I'm not perfect not even close. I never will be, so how I could end with this is beyond me, but knowing is half the battle. So I've decided to allow myself to be perfect at not being perfect. If I miss a day or string of days of exercise or don't hit my self-imposed levels of excellence in my workout I will just let it go and the next day is a new day I'll hit reset and start to build another string of days together where I do hit my goals. I'll do the same thing with eating, oh no I had a cookie well guess I'll eat the whole bag and screw it, tomorrow I'll have another bag, nope that's not gonna happen. I'll log my cookie or cookies and then right then and there and I 'll start again with the plan not, tomorrow, not at the bottom of the bag, but right then and there after I've eaten that cookie or whatever it was that is off plan. At least that's what has been working for me so far. Your mileage may very, as human beings we are all unique individuals we have different strengths and weakness that's what makes us human. What works for me may not work for you or maybe it will or maybe just some of it. In the end, it's up to us to find what works for us and to use the tools and the knowledge we've learned to make this lifestyle change permanent.