Sometimes a little stress

Nov 24, 2008

While I know most girls will think I'm crazy, some of you may be able to relate to my stress. I've never had issues attracting men into my life, even as an 'fat' girl. I've always dated and met men with ease. However, lately has been a little out of control.

The amount of attention I get is just insane. It really bothers me and sometimes brings me to tears. I sometimes feel that men are only nice to me because of the way I look and/or they are 'hitting' on me. Srangers are cheeky and come up to me off the street. Men in cars pull over and ask me for my number. Friends of friends 'friend' me of Facebook and ask me out.

I'm not the type of person to hurt other people's feelings so I always just smile and move on but this is really starting to get on my nerve and makes me feel really blue. I feel like I can't be myself or dress myself and find myself wearing baggy clothing and covering up. This is what I did when I was overweight, why the hell do I still feel like I need to cover my body!!!

I find that some of my female friends are showing a little jealousy and that makes me sad too. I know things will eventuially calm down once everyone around me is used to the 'new' me but I find myself closing myself in with my male friends, hanging on the sofa, drinking beer, watching 'footie' and staying out of the public places I used to enjoy. I find my male friends or my 'boyz' as I call them have been most supportive lately (though they tease me on the size of my new boobs). I just want to be free to be me and not feel guilty or uncomfortable in my new body.

I know it's crazy, it's just how I feel.

A year and a half later (almost)

Oct 29, 2008

In just over a week, it will be a year and a half since I started this journey. In some ways it felt like it took forever to get where I am now but in most ways, it feels like I blinked and voila! I'm here, where I have wanted to be for so many years. I feel blessed to have this new body and life. I am truly happy and feel great. I eat well and enjoy time with the many true friends I have.

 May'07            Aug'07         Nov'07  Apr'08   May'08    Oct '08
Arm    13 1/2             12.8            12         11          10 1/2    10
Leg     28                    22.5            21         20 1/2    20          19
calf     18 1/2             16               15          14 1/2    14          13 1/2
weist   45                   37 1/2         35          33         31           29 1/2
u. bust 46 1/2             41 1/2        41 1/2    36          34          32 1/2
bust     49                    44 1/2        44 1/2    40         36           38 (post plastics)
stomach   57                49              47          45         40           38
hip       2                     46               45          42         39            38
neck  15                     13               13          12 3/4    12 1/2     12


Some of my favorite foods right now are cheese and crackers, yogurt, pizza, cheese chips (recipe in my blog), fried rice with veggies and tofu, scalops glazed with maple and tuna toasties. Feelin' fine :)


Support from a friend

Oct 24, 2008

This arrived in my in-box this morning. Brought tears to my eyes. I am truly blessed to have the friendships and support systems I have. Much love to all!

I remember when you first decided to start this journey to change your life and how you were feeling. It wasn't an easy decision for you, surgery, weight loss, moving, going back to work, etc. I know you wanted it but there was a lot of hesitation in what changes to make, when to do it, and of course if it was the right decision for the time.
I look at you today and see a very different person. You took control of things, didn't let the pain manage you and fought back.
A few years ago you wouldn't be able to go to the shoppers around the corner, now you spend entire evening s out, walking, standing and though it's not easy the difference is clear. I hope you are very proud of yourself. It wasn't an easy journey, you had a lot of additinal pain and stress.
Today you move better, live more independant, and best of all take a pride in yourself that wasn't always (sometimes but not always) there. You carry yourself with a confidance that was missing years ago and it's very becoming. I am sure that your mother would be proud to see the woman you are today. Not letting the pain rule you and taking charge, making your life what you want it is something many cannot do.
Just wanted to take a moment to say how proud I am to know you.
Love,
Shannan

Plastics!

Oct 21, 2008

On Sep 8th 2008, I went to Toronto Western Hospital for a tummy tuck and breast implants. The doc was fantastic, the nurses were fantastic and I really didn't feel too much pain, with thanks to the great drugs!

3 days after surgery, the doc saw me. He was so surprised at how well I was doing, how well I was moving around and how happy I was. He told me I was his star patient (what a curse!!!) The following week, the drains came out. After a couple days, I had an open wound much like the one I delt with after my DS.

2 weeks of IV antibiotics and there still was not much improvment. my veins continued to collapse and I would need to go to emerg to get new IVs started, the pain in the iv site drove me to tears. I eventuially got real fed up and ripped out my IV. Couldn't stand the pain any more.

As it turned out, it was a good thing (not that I tell any of you to do this!) but I wasn't on the right antibiotics!! I had 2 different infections and the antibiotics were only good on one of them. SO, another 3 weeks of oral antibiotics and the wound is *almost* fully healed.

I'm still super weak and tired but happy :)

One year later (okay and a few extra days lol!)

May 20, 2008

Well, here I am. Last year at this exact moment, I was crawling into my bed at the Drury inn, a morbidly obese person for the last time. I had done all my pooping (lovely bowel prep) and kissed my  Patrick good night. 

I lay in bed, awake, not worried but totally excited to start my new life.  The clock ticked all night long. I couldn't sleep. I wanted to be at the hospital, in my gown with all the good pre-op drugs. I wanted to be in surgery, wake up that new me and begin the rest of my life. I knew I would never again be the fat person I was that day. I knew I was about to begin the rest of my life.
   

Here I am, a year later, down over 120 pounds. I have a new body, a new sparkle in my eyes, a new lust for life, a new home and as of today, a new job. My life has taken a TOTAL about face and I have NEVER in my life been happier than I am today. 

In this last year, I have been an angel to Doron (Zappre) for his post surgery updates, urged my friend Roxx to fight for the DS she so wanted and am now helping another friend along the same path. 

I LOVE my DS, couldn't possibly think of life with any other surgery and I feel like I am worth a million bucks. I am happy, settled and well on my way to that forever happy person I always knew I could be.
  If I had to do this ALL over again, I would do it in a heartbeat. I may have had a few regrets along the way, but I regret NOTHING now. I am sad that I lost a friend during this journey but this was a journey I had to take. I am glad I did, feel stronger than I ever have and am ready to take the world on!   

Thank you ALL, every one of you who have been my friends, my support and my lifeline through this journey. I love you all and am glad that I have you in my life.
  So, as of today I am officially allowed to drink :) I'll be celebrating with a full glass of vodka on Friday and will raise a glass to you all :) Tee hee hee!!   
  
      May'07            Aug'07         Nov'07  Apr'08   May'08 
Arm    13 1/2             12.8            12         11          10 1/2
Leg     28                    22.5            21         20 1/2    20
calf     18 1/2             16               15          14 1/2    14
weist   45                   37 1/2         35          33         31
u. bust 46 1/2             41 1/2        41 1/2    36          34
bust     49                    44 1/2        44 1/2    40         36
stomach   57                49              47          45         40
hip       2                     46               45          42         39
neck  15                     13               13          12 3/4    12 1/2


SO, now I move on. I'm planning a self pay boobie job and tummy tuck. As a pre-op lightweight, I don't have enough extra skin to warrant OHIP to pay for any skin removal so, I will use all the credit in the world and finish this journey on my own. Yup, it's expensive but it's something I have to do in order to feel 100% good about me. I am hoping for a surgery date in Late October or mid November. I'll keep you all updated :) MANY HUGZ!!
 

Cheesy pizza bites!!! YUMMIE!!!

Apr 06, 2008

Cheesy Pizza Bites   Okay, came up with this version of the classic cheese chip tonight and OH MY GAWD I love. It's yum!!   
You will need   

1-2 cups Shredded mozzarella cheese
 
3-4 Tbls grated parmesan 
1 small tin of tomato paste 
pepperoni (or in my case veggie pepperoni) 
Non stick pan pam or other non-stick spray ( I usually just use the no-stick foil wrap, works like a charm!)     

Make mini piles of shredded mozzarella/parmesan cheese on your pan either coated with the no-stick spray or on top of the no stick foil. Bake in 375 oven until edges are slightly crispy. Remove from oven and spoon tomato paste in the center of each cheese round. Top with pepperoni (or veggie pepperoni) and a *little* more shredded mozzarella cheese. Return to oven and back until mozzarella cheese melts and pepperoni is heated through (about another 5 mins). 
    

Tastes JUST LIKE pizza without the carbs and guilt! A great little protein snack for when you're on the go and don't have time to sit and eat. I take these with me on car trips too (have been making them a LONG time without the addition of the pepperoni and extra mozzarella cheese at the end). They are YUMMIE!!!

Almost 11 months exactly

Apr 02, 2008

So, here I am almost 11 months post DS. I am very happy with my results and new body. As of today, I have a NORMAL BMI of 24.9 and I weigh 159, only 9 pounds away from my goal weight. I haven't had a normal BMI in over 7 years and nothing is making me happier than knowing I am finally normal lol!!!

Looking at me

Feb 21, 2008

I think today, for the first time, I really SAW me. I mean I've looked in the mirror hundreds of times since my surgery but I don't think I've ever really looked at me. Today it kind of shocked me.

I was at a tattoo parlor with my friend Chris while he was being tattoed for the first time. I stood up for a while because my back was sore sitting on a stool and beside where I was standing was a full length mirror.

I looked over to it and saw my full body. It didn't dawn on me right away that it was me, but it looked like a thin, pretty woman. I looked again and saw that woman was me. I could hardly believe it. I was really thin. I didn't want to look vane, standing in the middle of the tattoo parlor looking at myself but I kept glancing into the mirror in disbelief. That was really me. Ihave always felt sexy but now I am finally feeling beautiful. Wow.

8 month update :)

Jan 13, 2008



                                                                                              8 months
Arm                             13 1/2             12.8            12         11
Leg                              28                    22.5            21         20 1/2
calf                              18 1/2             16               15          14 1/2
weist                           45                   37 1/2         35          33
u. bust                        46 1/2             41 1/2        41 1/2    36
bust                            49                    44 1/2        44 1/2    40
stomach                    57                     49              47          45
hip                              52                     46               45          42
neck                           15                     13               13          12 3/4


I'm finally over the 100 pounds lost mark!! I am down 103 pounds as of this week. I feel great, am doing okay (but not great) at taking my suppliments but so far my labs are good with the exception of iron.

I am still having trouble eating normally and wonder if this will ever change. I look at other DSers and see the amount they are able to eat and I am still NOWHERE near their amounts. I am however aboe to eat just about anything and really haven't carb counted ever. I don't like fake sugar or sweeteners so I'm on real sugar.

I am LOVING my DS and my new body though it seems to get me in trouble sometimes lol!!! Ah, the single life!

Six month update (about a week early :) )

Oct 29, 2007

Been almost 6 months and I am FINALLY settling into my new body. Eating is still an issue for me but it's getting easier. As of today, I'm down 84.6 pounds (exactly 6 stone!!!)


                                    At Surgery       4 mos        6 mos
Arm                             13 1/2             12.8            12
Leg                              28                    22.5            21
calf                              18 1/2              16               15
weist                           45                    37 1/2         35
u. bust                        46 1/2              41 1/2         41 1/2
bust                            49                     44 1/2         44 1/2
stomach                    57                     49                47
hip                              52                     46                 45
neck                           15                     13                 13


I'm mostly drinking my protein as many food proteins don't sit well in my tummy. I have been lucky so far that I can eat just about anything (VERY small amounts) and nothings seems to make me feel ill or overly gassy. Not saying it will be like this forever but so far so good. 

I ate pasta too quickly today for lunch and yuck. Made me feel over full and yuckie!!! I'm still loving my DS and learning to cope with eating better each day :)

About Me
Toronto, ON
Location
21.3
BMI
DS
Surgery
05/09/2007
Surgery Date
Jan 14, 2007
Member Since

Friends 118

Latest Blog 25
Sometimes a little stress
A year and a half later (almost)
Support from a friend
Plastics!
One year later (okay and a few extra days lol!)
Cheesy pizza bites!!! YUMMIE!!!
Almost 11 months exactly
Looking at me
8 month update :)
Six month update (about a week early :) )

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