Feystorm

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I started this year stressed and worried about what 2012 would hold.  But, as always, I was hopeful.  And what a year it has turned out to be for me!  An absolutely fabulous, wonderful, incredible year that surpassed any hopes I could have had. 

Most important in my eyes was my wedding.  I go on and on about my husband, and sometimes do, driving people nuts.  But in my opinion, this is how it SHOULD be.  I love my husband, deeper each and every day.  When he comes home, my eyes light up and my heart is happy.  He is truly my best friend and my soul mate.  I don’t ever want to imagine my life without him.  This man makes my soul smile, and I couldn’t ask for more.  All I can ask is that we are able to hold onto our love for the rest of our lives together, and a hope that each year we continue to grow and work together for that goal. 

I also spent some in person time with my best friend, as she travelled three times from Canada to see me.  First time was for the wedding.  It may be weird to some for me to have had a best friend for 3 years that I never met before in person – but others who know me, know that this is just me.  I talked to Candy almost every day, and we couldn’t be closer unless we were twins.  She’s my sister from another mister, and I am grateful for her love and friendship.  This year allowed us to spend some quality time together, laughing and carrying on like teenagers.  It was as if we had lived next door for the last few years, instead of over 2500 miles apart.  Our plans for the future have many more visits between the two of us, and our constant contact on the phone.  Thank goodness that Verizon finally added Canada to their unlimited texting plan.  Saved me some serious money – more $$$ for traveling lol ;).

This year also saw me go on my weight loss journey and adventure.  I mention it solely because of the friendships I have gained, from the beautiful women that have shared this journey with me.  I have had the opportunity this year to meet some incredible inspirational women who show me just what determination and beauty really are.  Alison is my personal superhero, and my forgiving lawyer mentor.  Ms Shell is my no-nonsense, kick in the butt when needed!  Jenn is a beauty who is finding strength where she didn’t realize she had it.  All three are the definition of beauty and inspiration, and I count myself incredibly lucky to have met these women and shared this path with them.  Another amazing couple I have met is Mike & Linda B.  Their love for each other and the way they encourage each other and others gives me hope.  They appeal to the romantic part of me that I try (badly) to hide.  I hope that we all continue to grow as friends in the next few years.  Lots of 5k’s, meetups, and shopping trips.  I am planning to cheer on Alison in her triathalon.  I have the utmost faith in her! 

My children always have been and always will be the joy in my life.  They give me so much happiness and fill me with pride.  Michael went from failing out of high school to being on the honor’s list at the end of the year.  That’s pretty exciting.  He’s had surgery on his knee, coming through like a trooper and being diligent about his physical therapy.  He’s going to be chef – and has plans to attend culinary school.  Taking culinary night classes has made him quite happy.  He’s growing up to be a fine young man.  Sierra has grown up right before my eyes.  She’s currently determined to become a vet, and my hope is for that to continue.  She has developed a severe tomboy streak and has gone from having hair to her butt to having shaved up the back of her head.  Lol.  She continues to do amazing in school.  I love watching her grow into the little lady she is quickly (too much so) becoming.  Miley is already 4 years old, and I can’t believe how quickly the time passes.  She will start school next fall – amazing to me.  I have one child preparing to leave the nest and another starting kindergarten in the next year.  Floors me.  Michael should be able to do driver’s education in this coming year.  My poor car.  Lol.  Sierra is going to take a horse riding/care class to see if her interest in this holds.  Miley is growing up and starting school.  Children grow too fast for my tastes.  lol.

My hope for the next year is to pass the bar.  I’d like to say that it wasn’t the most important thing in the world to me – but honestly, it truly is.  I have worked so hard for this point to come.  I will graduate, of that I have no doubt, but that bar exam looms over me like a monster in a small child’s closet.  It is like throwing a rock into a still pond – the results of that test will have a ripple effect on the rest of my world.  My plan is to study my ass off.  I can give up the next few months of my life in exchange for the next few decades of doing what I want (more or less lol).  I have not come this far to fail!  

Also, I hope that the next year sees more time spent with my best friend.  I love the trips we get with each other.  I also plan to take my son on a trip to visit the culinary school of his dreams.  I hope that he gets to see his dreams fulfilled. 

My greatest hope is to just spend more time with my family.  I love the quiet moments I spend with my husband, and the busy moments spent with my kids.  I want to enjoy more coffee time with my sister-in-law, who I have grown to be good friends with.  Spending some time with my friends going shopping, drinking coffee or just being silly, are among some of my simple, yet happy goals for the new year.  2013 holds great hopes and dreams for me and my family.  I plan to work hard to see everyone achieve their goals.

This year has held its share of troubles and sorrows.  Some sad realizations have come to pass, but as tough as they are, all things happen for a reason.  I have learned some painful, but valuable lessons this last year.  I don’t plan to forget them in the years to come.  I will use them to grow stronger and overcome anything in my path.  I will show them to my children as examples of how hard life can be, but how it is possible through our own choices to overcome and persevere.  No one’s opinion determines who we are or what we are worth!  We chart our own paths, plan the types of people we wish to become, and our worth is determined by the love and goodness we send out in the world and receive in kind, not the bitterness and hatefulness some people choose to spread.  I firmly believe that life is completely what we make of it.  We CHOOSE how our life turns out.  Whether it is through our actions or inactions, the choices we make, good or bad, determine the life we live. 

As for me, I choose hope, love and happiness.  I make a decision each day to choose to be happy.  Oh, some days it is soooo incredibly hard, and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.  Sometimes people hurt me or let me down, and I just want to curl up and cry myself to sleep.  But then I remember that I can choose to let something that someone else chose, to ruin my whole day/week/month/life, or I can choose to not let allow it to have an effect.  That is all up to me.  I choose to pick myself up, and persevere towards the life I want.  It matter not what others want for me, or whether they like my life.  It only matters what I choose to think, believe and act upon.

 

May everyone look back on their past year with a smile and turn it forward to a new year, filled with hope and love. 

 

 

Now in maintenance, so higher in carb than I would normally have liked, but still oh so freaking yummy.  

I made pumpkin protein muffins on sunday.  Tonight with the left over protein I made pumpkin protein fluff (from a recipe here on OH). I slightly modified both recipes I found and came up with these goodies.  The fluff can be used as a fruit dip, but my little girl and I got the great idea to top the muffins with them. omg - YUM!!!

Here's the pics!

Muffin

Fluff

Muffin + Fluff

YUMMY NUMMY GOODNESS!!!

 

Pumpkin Muffin Recipe

1 cup canned pumpkin - NOT pumpkin pie filling

1/2 cup UNSWEETENED applesauce

1/2 cup Fage 0% greek yogurt

6 TBSP liquid egg whites (or 3 egg whites)

2 cups quick oats

2 scoops Vanilla Protein Powder

1 cup splenda

1 tsp baking soda

2 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp salt

1 1/2 tsp cinnamon

2 TBSP  pumpkin pie spice

Preheat oven to 350*. Line a muffin pan with FOIL cupcake liners and spray with nonstick veg spray.  In a food processor, blend all the ingredients.  (If you don't have a great food processor then just add the oats - and pulverize them.  After mix the ingredients in a bowl with a hand mixer.)  Pour into muffin cups.  Bake 15 minutes until tops are brown. 

 

 

 

Pumpkin Protein Fluff

1 container of Lite Cool Whip (8 oz - THAWED)

1 package of sugar free cheesecake pudding mix

1 can (15 oz) canned pumpkin (NOT pumpkin pie filling)

1 scoop vanilla protein powder

2 Tbsp pumpkin pie spice

2 tsp splenda

Whisk cool whip and cheescake mix well.  Add protein, spice and splenda, whisk well.  Fold in pumpkin gently but thorougly.  DONE!

 

 

 

That’s right folks, it took me 8 months and 1 week, but I made it!  I sit this morning just under my goal at 114.6!!!  I am over the moon with happiness!

 

Here’s the Stats:

Highest recorded weight:       242

Pre-op Weight:                        217

Loss on pre-op:                       -17

Day of Surgery:                      200

 

My surgeon and I compromised on the goal, me wanting the top of a healthy bmi – him saying that I could go lower.  We settled in the middle(ish) at 115.  I am more than likely going to keep going down a bit, just to give myself some bounce back room.

 

More stats:

 

Pants pre-op                20 (stretched tight, leaving red marks, refused to go higher)

Shirts Pre-op               2XL

I didn’t wear dresses or skirts.  Suits I would squeeze into an 18P as long as I could, then went to stretchy pants and a nice blouse.

Shoes:                          6.5WW to 7WW

Ring:                           7.5

 

NOW:

Pants                           3 in Misses – 2 or 4 in women’s, depending on brand

(NSV: Cheap Wal-Mart size small sweat pants are TOO BIG!! Omg, omg, omg, omg)

Shirts:                          S or 4

Skirts:                          4

Dresses:                       4

Shoes:                          Kids 4, Womens 5 – 5.5 no more wide width

Ring:                           5.5 or 5

 

I have had a lot of cost in replacing clothes.  My wedding was in June – and the dress was altered twice and still was big on the day of the wedding.  I bought it a size 18, was too big for the dress when it came in last December – it wouldn’t fit.  I had it altered down to a size 12.  My wedding dress is now at my best friend’s mom’s house where she is going to make it into a quilt for me. YAY!  My engagement ring wasn’t fitting before the ceremony, and the matching band didn’t match up to it.  I had bought a temporary band, but that one lasted only a month before it was too big.  I wore one of my mother’s old bands while I went through the debacle of ordering my new set.  I wear that now.  It’s a 5.5 and is a little loose.  But I am not giving it up!!

 

My surgeon’s plan didn’t set a specific carb goal – just keep it low and keep the protein high.  But I followed the guidelines that many here helped me establish.  600 cal, 40 or less carbs, 60-80 protein.  I upped the cals to 800 when my energy levels tanked at the start of the fall semester.  But I maintain the low carb lifestyle.  I plan to have that be my goal for the rest of my life.

 

I don’t consider myself a success... I will when I have been in maintenance for a few long years without a significant regain.  I am allowing a little bounce back (like I said, gonna go down a bit more) – and I fully intend to have plastics within the next two years or so.  My boobs will finally be the same size, so help me.  My panni will be gone – the skin is severely damaged from having two extra large babies and long term obesity.  After the tummy tuck and boob job I will consider the arms and thighs.

 

Thank you to those that took the time to help: Ruggie, Frisco, Elina, Rob, Sleevegirl, and many others.  I appreciate it all and I know I missed some great helpers.  This site has been awesome and I have gained two very close personal friends from here.  Jenn and Alison are my in life support group, surgery buddies and my personal heroes!  I could not be at goal without those two.  Wait til ya’ll see Alison’s new tatas!! I am jealous. 

 

Now for the pics, I know that’s what peeps want.

Summer 2011 - Annecy France

Family Pics Fall 2011 - I am just going up and up again

Trying on my wedding dress in August 2011

My Little girl's 9th birthday

 

 

 

When it came in December 2011 - the back is clipped to hold it :(

 

My official post op pic:

Now for the more fun post op ones:

May 2012 - Trying on the wedding dress again - it's too big and this time clipped to keep it on me lol

 

My fam and I at the LA Zoo - I am shrinking

Our family pic from the wedding in June

 

My little girl's 10th bday - a huge difference

 

Me & my surgery buddies and Heroes at Halloween.  I am so in love with these two:

 The girls trip to Vegas, Oct 2012

My husband and I at Knott's:

And this morning - celebrating my goal by rocking my new purple sweater and sexy purple boots.  I love purple - if you didn't know. 

 

It's hard work - you can't get to goal by thinking you are going to do it easy, doesn't work that way.  Use your tool and ROCK IT OUT!!!

 

Much love.  

~Angi

 

 

This is applicable in so many aspects of my life - not only just the weightloss phases.  I think of it often, and shared it with some friends.  

Remember that those that tear you down can only stand in your way if you let them.  Build yourself up despite their issues, and make yourself better than you were before.  No one can make you feel bad unless you give them the power to!

 

~Angi

  I like making new things.  And I loved frozen lemonades pre-op and I know they are full of sugar.  Here's the simple way to make your at home post op sugar free yumminess::

Base recipe:

6 lemonade ice cubes - simple, make lemonade with Mio and pour into ice cubes and freeze.  I made them a little strong, knowing i would be diluting them later.  
1tbsp splenda
8 oz of water

Put in magic bullet and spin!  Adjust the water as you go - to reach the consistency you like.  Also, not enough water will make it hard for a blender to crush the ice.  I have an old style hand crank ice crusher - but I am lazy, so more water in the bullet it is!!

Here are some changes I made today to try different flavors!:

* Top with Sugar free Strawberry Preserves.  - 10 cals in a Tbsp
*  Mix in some SF Torani Cherry Lime or Mango or Peach.  I tried them all - and all were excellent!  Up next - Strawberry, I don't have it at home yet, but I can fix that easy ;)
* If you have it - mix in some Carribean Cooler protein powder for a Lemonade Colada taste.  I wish I had some of the roadside lemonade protein to try - but think that would require more torani and water to cut all the lemonade lol.  

I like finding some better alternatives for some of my favorite things.  And this worked out well for me!!

 



Seriously folks, this journey is hard, and not for the weak.  The more tools you give yourself, the higher your chances of success.  
The surgeon operated on your stomach, not your head.  You need your head in the game in order to win.  And this is a game that never ends, and you can never give up.  That is sooooo much easier to do with support.  If you have support at home - that's great.  In my case, (as I often brag) my husband and kids are my support and I couldn't do this without them.  However, there is a lot that they just don't "get".  And while this board is a great, wonderful resource, sometimes you just don't want to post, or your mood is off, or you honestly want to bitch to someone about what you just read - and you want that someone to "get it".  Support groups are awesome too - but again, sometimes they just don't meet often enough.  And when you really need support, it may be weeks or months or days or hours away.  And you need help NOW.  
I am grateful to this board - I met my surgery buddies, Jenn & Alison, here.  Ok, honestly I kinda pushed my way into a friendship with them, but I adore them both.  Here's the example of why I feel a surgery buddy is important:
Today was super stressful.  I have been dealing with some chronic pain issues, my last midterm was this morning, and then I got some bad news that left me feeling just disappointed and crushed.  I was on my way to a meeting and crying in my car - just everything hitting me at once.  I was going into Starbucks to grab a coffee, and whipped out my phone.  I wanted that lemon iced loaf in that case at starbucks.  I was upset, feeling low, stupid, whatever you name it - I was there.  That lemon iced loaf used to make me smile - and it looked so inviting in that damned case.  All yellow and white and ooey and yummy looking.  And damn it - with this bad fricking day - didn't I deserve a little bit of happiness??? No matter the form??  
I texted Alison - told her I was gonna eat that lemon loaf, lifestyle change be damned!  She reminded me that it wasn't worth it, that I didn't NEED it and to just get my coffee and get out.  She reminded me of the purple dress I just dropped a buttload of money on, and that I was looking forward to wearing soon.  I know that just that little bit of support in the 30 seconds she took out of her day was exactly what I needed to hear.  Sometimes we can tell ourselves something over and over - then just hear it once from someone else and we get it.  That was me today.  I walked out with my iced coffee and went on my way.  I vented my frustrations elsewhere and in different ways - but I didn't turn to food.  Thanks to someone who "got it" and could give me that 30 second pep talk. Today was just one instance, I assure you - there have been more.

We are all human, and I know that we all make mistakes.  But having someone there that will understand and talk to us can make a buttload of difference when we need it most. 

So here's my advice - I am only 7 months out, and haven't hit goal, so take it or leave it - but if you don't have a surgery buddy: GET ONE!!!

 Someone posted about supportive people and I wrote the following as a long reply.  I then decided that it deserved to be a blog post as well. 

I am warning that this is a long post!

I know exactly where to start: My husband.  He is my partner in all ways, and I am lucky to have him.  I was big when I met him and only got bigger.  He made me feel loved, sexy and desired during all times.  He never harped on my weight, he did express concern when a doctor mentioned more and more problems were coming up.  He stayed strong through the weeks leading up to surgery – when I was freaking out.  When I was tired and miserable, he took care of me.  He drove me to and from school every day and at times stayed with me when I needed him to.  He has been my cheerleader throughout this entire process.  I honestly do not think I would have been half as successful at this surgery in this quick of a timeframe without him.

Oh, and he hasn’t killed me yet for all the shopping.  J

 

After this I would have to go with my family.  My mom had RNY 7 months before my sleeve, so it is nice having someone to talk to that “gets” it.  She was sad that she couldn’t fly here for my surgery – and almost tried to anyway.  But I convinced her that a) her pre-scheduled vacation was more important and b) I wanted her to save her money for my wedding.  She cheers me on and enjoys my success.  Next to her would be my kids.  They really didn’t complain when we cleared the house of chips and 90% of the carb stuff.  They like some of the new foods.  My son, the want to be chef, helps me come up with many of the recipes, suggesting ideas to tweak them for more flavor or protein.  My little girl (who is a tomboy) comes out of her normal role to help me shopping.  Those two were my driving force to have surgery – and their approval and encouragement make this journey worthwhile.

 

I would go with my friends.  My best friend lives in Canada – and she has been behind me 110%!!  We do “virtual shopping” together.  I go shopping, take pics and send them to her and she gives me valuable fashion advice.  I lack fashion sense.  So if I am wearing a cute outfit, odds are that she helped me put it together from 2000+ miles away.  I love her to pieces and know that she is here for me all the time.  I also told the few friends that I have made here in California during law school.  They all were supportive of my decision – not one had a bad word or anything other than concern for my wellbeing.  I have been very fortunate to have made such great friends, and am thankful for them every day. 

 

My new OH friends, particularly Jenn and Alison.  Not only are they supportive here on the site, I find them both to be quite inspirational.  I can text them a million times a day about useless crap – and they listen and reply.  Some of the best stress relieving days I have had this year has been out with one or both of them.  Those two are beautiful people, inside and out, and I feel quite lucky to have made their acquaintance.  People from OH are wonderful!  This site has been supportive, but the best part of it has to be the real life friendships it has given me. 

 

I am one of the fortunate souls tho.  I have been lucky to be surrounded by some quite wonderful and supportive people.  I cherish each and every one of them.  

 Omg - so I went to Miss Bobbie's looking for lemon Quest bars - they didn't have any.  

BUT... I did get my banana mocha blended iced coffee - freaking love them there.  I also decided to get my dinner there.  OMFG - the food is awesome - low carb and high protein friendly.  

I got a roast beef provolone lettuce wrap.  They give you TWO!!!  I couldn't finish one.  I even removed the lettuce lol... But damn they tasted so good just as a meat rollup.  I barely got thru just over a third of one.  

I put the ingredients into myfitnesspal - for one whole wrap it is 190 cal; 6 carbs; 11fat; 21 protein!!

Here's the pic of the box she gave me (the chips are low carb chips - but I didn't count them as I don't eat them.)  The pickle I gave to my kids:

 

Here's the wrap by itself:

 

 My kids came home yesterday – after 6 weeks of being out of state.  My son couldn’t stop telling me how “skinny” I was.  He said I looked like a teenager.  My little girl liked my new hair – and said soon she would be sharing clothes with me.  She is about to be 10- and is a healthy weight.  Girl just got lucky and is the first young lady in our family to not have the super short gene.  lol.  Both of my kids were proud of me. 

We had my son’s bday party after we got home.  His bday was back in July – but this was our first opportunity to celebrate as a family.  I made him a checkerboard cake – and my husband grilled out for us.  My son’s friends came over.  One walked through the door and into my son’s room.  He came back out to where I was in the kitchen.  He couldn’t believe it was me!  He told me I was looking “hot”.  Was a compliment – but it was honestly weird having a 16yo compliment me that way, lol.  Not sure I could possibly get used to anything like that.

I didn’t eat the cake, but when I made it and was icing it – I licked icing off my finger without even thinking about it.  I was about to do it the second time when I stopped and looked at my finger.  Oh man – the things we do.  Pure sugar and my sleeve don’t get along – and in a minute or two it reminded me of how much it didn’t like pure sugar.  I tracked it, and was shocked at doing it – it was something that used to be automatic, and done without thought.  I need to pay better attention. 

This morning my daughter did my yoga with me.  We are going to ride our beach bikes to starbucks this evening.  She grew an inch this summer.  She is all for the changes in eating that I implemented before she left.  Both my kids said they were missing my cooking.  Which is weird, as before when we ate a lot more boxed and processed foods – both my kids hated my cooking.  Now with fresh veggies and a good protein base – they are much happier at dinner time.

This weekend I also had a mini nsv – I fit into my husband’s tshirt.  Not only do I fit, but it hangs low enough to cover my butt.  Hehe.  I was pleasantly surprised to fit in the shirt.  If I had tried it before – there would have been NO way that it would have fit.  He’s a men’s M – and I probably wouldn’t have been able to get an arm in it – let alone my whole body.  Now it hangs. 

I also perfected my protein pudding pops – and even the kids like them!  I made them with almond milk.  They are a good way to get my protein in and it’s like having an ice cream.  I made lemon and banana flavor.    It’s heating up here in SoCal – they are a nice treat to have while reading a book.  

 I made this a post in the maintenance forum - but decided to post it also on my blog - so I can look at it more often and remind myself of my feelings.

At my last appointment with my surgeon, he told me to increase my calories slowly from 500 to 700 in the next month.  I am approaching goal, and since I had been doing so well I balked a little bit at the idea of increasing calories.  Seriously, I was frightened.  But even with being sick earlier in the week, I did as my doctor said.  I am around 600 calories now and have found something strange happening.  First, my mini-stall I was in broke.  (I call them mini stall – they last about 5-9 days and I bounce up and down on the scale around the same 2 lbs or so).  The stall broke, and at first I thought it was due to the stomach bug I had.  But since then – I keep going down, even with the increased calories.  And not just going down slowly – but at an increased pace than I experienced the past month.  For instance, the first day the stall broke I went down .6 lbs.  The next day – 1.2 lbs.  This morning – 1.8 lbs.  I don’t even know what to think really.  Is this a normal thing to happen after an increase in calories – or is this still attributable to my illness (that I seem to have completely recovered from).  Any information, thoughts or insight is appreciated.

For my second concern – I am getting closer to my goal.  I am now only like 23 lbs away.  At the rate of my loss (normal – not the recent increase) I should hopefully reach goal by October or November.  Here’s my concern about reaching goal.  I now know how to lose – I can follow that plan pretty well.  By all accounts, I definitely know how to GAIN.  What I have not accomplished is maintaining - ever.  I am finding that I am anxious and nervous about hitting goal and then the idea of trying to maintain that goal.  My surgeon said that after I hit goal, it should be close to my next follow up visit, and he wants to see where I am body and health wise, as he still thinks my small body is more suited to a lower goal than the 115 I have set.  I could probably keep on the losing path – but my true goal is to be HEALTHY.  I know that healthy means maintaining, and then the anxious thoughts come rushing back in.  How to maintain without ending back on a vicious cycle of gaining and losing and gaining and losing?  Does anyone else have experience with this or these kinds of thoughts?  I seriously am open to most input.