Toni B.
joie de vivre
Dec 11, 2011
So I am driving home after an irritating experience in the grocery store and subsequently the parking lot, where I am marveling at how some people seem to think that because they are in a hurry ~ acting like inconsiderate @ssholes is somehow justified. Pet Peeve: people leaving their shopping carts at the checkout, or in parking spaces instead of taking the extra 30 seconds to walk them over to the cart corral. Are any of us really in that much of a hurry?? If you just answered “Yes”, then my response to you is: Ask someone to buy you books on Time Management for Christmas.Anyway, I’m driving along feeling slightly irritated with the general population and eager to get the hell home. I am listening to Sirius satellite radio, Hits 1 channel and the song Red Solo Cup by Toby Keith came on. If you haven’t heard this little ditty, please click on this link http://youtu.be/BKZqGJONH68 and have a giggle, because honestly… it made my day. I was laughing and singing the rest of the way home, and part of me wanted to stop and by some red solo cups! (Yeah, I’m not affected by media and marketing at all! Pffft! Lol) Side bar: Can you imagine how much that song has influenced millions of people to buy these planet polluting plastic cups for holiday parties! That is both amazing and terrifying if you think about it.
So after the song was over and I was thoroughly cheered up, it left me to think on the rest of my drive home. I hadn’t realized how much I had needed that extra lift in spirits, until after the fact. And why is that?
Yesterday, I sat on my sofa and watched as my small town got together and conducted a small Santa Claus Parade right down Main street, passing right in front of my house. And considering the size of this little community of approximately 2,600, I thought it was pretty impressive production. But instead of watching it pass by, I wondered why I wasn’t out there with the rest of the town’s people on the side of the street laughing and smiling with the kids. Honestly, what was keeping me from doing that?
Between the parade yesterday, and the negative energy I was vibin’ on earlier today, I decided that I really needed to assess the source of my displeasure…or if nothing else, recognize and be cognizant of it.
I know what you’re thinking – based on my last couple posts you are probably thinking h o r m o n e s. While I don’t discredit the power of their influence, I have to be honest and say No – I don’t think that’s what it was.
If I am being honest with you and myself, I think the reason I sometimes watch my life parade right on by me is that deep down I am so unhappy with myself, with my weight. I think at times, the negativity bubbles up from the depths of my dejected heart that I project this onto other people…like strangers who cut me off on the highway, or ignorant inconsiderate people who take up the entire aisle with their shopping carts and body, thereby blocking you from being able to pass. Is this a pet peeve? Yes. Is it a valid reason to meltdown and lose yer shit? No. The fact that I even allow small stuff like this to get to me is actually more telling of my own problems, than anything else.
At some point you have to grow up and stop blaming the world for your problems, ya know?
I can’t help but realize that I never used to be such a homebody either. I use to enjoy going out and being with/visiting friends. Now, I avoid going out. I avoid seeing old friends and acquaintances…my first thought is “ya right, like I want to go out and let them see me like this! And what would I even wear? Gawd!” Na…I’d rather read a book, have a bubble bath and stay home. While I genuinely enjoy those things, I think it is sad that I use them as excuses to avoid social situations. And that is why it concerns me… I think subconsciously I have sequestered myself from my own life.
But hey, the first step to resolving a problem is identifying it.
To avoid an exaggeration, I want to clarify that I actually do go out and see family and friends from time to time, but not nearly as often as I used to. I would say a little less than once a month I am actually out there, and usually it is some form of a get together with family….friends are less often.
OMG. Whoa! I don’t want you to read this and think that my plan to fix my anti-social dilemma is surgery. Oh crap no. That’s sort of funny actually. What’s next, a lobotomy for my mood swings? LOL
No no no. I am not expected WLS to make me more social again. I am expecting that with time I will start to regain my self-confidence, and as a happy by-product of that I will want to go out more. I am expecting that joie de vivre to put a little more bounce in my step and from that the possibilities are endless.
WLS is about more than just eating differently. It’s about a change in lifestyle. It’s about being more active and i n t e r a c t i v e, on top of the healthier food choices. So I think it is a realistic expectation to think that as I whittle down to the Real Me, underneath these fluffy layers, that my social life will actually improve.
I am not sitting in this chair writing this blog pining for a more satisfying social calendar. Not in the least. But I do hope, as I continue down this WLS journey, that I find myself more forgiving of my flaws. That’s a big goal I have. I also hope that I find myself have more positive days, than negative ones…that minor irritants I encounter don’t become game changers in my day.
Most importantly, I want to like myself again...maybe even love myself again. Self-acceptance is another big goal. That goal is more important to me, than any number on any scale.
I can’t wait until next Christmas… I can only imagine how far I will be on my journey! The place I imagine I will be is a much happier place with myself. Next year, no room in my heart for the bah humbug blues!
But why wait that long to be happy? Ha! Good Question! For now, I will just accept myself as a bonafide work-in-progress and see if I can’t muster up a little joie de vie for the holidays…especially since effective today I am finally finished my Christmas shopping!!!
So everybody raise up
your red solo cup,
and take a drink with me,
as I find me a little joi de vie
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About Me
Sudbury, Ontario,
Location
27.3
BMI
Surgery
01/19/2012
Surgery Date
Sep 04, 2011
Member Since
