FinallyFit
Spring 2003:
HI,it's Molly!!! I have finally decided to put some commentary here. I was waiting to have something concrete to say about my progress in this WLS journey. I am a 27 year old homemaker and mom. I have a BMI of about 41 and am at my heaviest ever after quitting smoking in Aug '01 and giving birth to my precious daughter in Sept '02. I am so happy with my life but want to be the mommy my daughter and future children need and the trophy wife my husband deserves!!! In this present state however, I am plagued by a serious lack of energy and a growing sense of depression. Not to mention my creaking joints, aching back, laboring lungs trying to support all these extra pounds. I've always been characterised by others as someone who can strike up a conversation with anyone and who has never met a stranger. As outgoing and funloving as I am, I can't wait to just be me and more comfortable on my skin...even if it is looser then, LOL!
4/1/03
April fool's Day!!! But this is no joke! I am the healthiest fat girl around but still want to pursue the possibility of the surgery. My PCP gave me a physical and sat down with me and gave me his recommendation for a consultation with Dr. Rawlins. My blood pressure was a bit high and they took 4 vials of blood for testing. I feel like I am 10 months pregnant except there is no baby to look forward to. HA! Next is my x-ray and then a consultation on May 15th with the surgeon.
5/1/03
My husband and I want another baby before taking the WLS plunge! At the rate of getting approved, having the surgery, losing the weight, getting pregnant again, ect., my kids would end up 5 or 6 years apart. We want them closer so this surgery will not be an option for me personally at this time. More later I promise as my situation changes!
7/7/03
What a blessing! No fertility problems here, hehe! Expecting another baby in March '04.
2/1/04
So, here I am again! 8 months pregnant and happy as can be about the upcoming birth of our little boy! He will need to be bottle fed if I have this surgery before he is 12 months old and I know this is fine with many people for their choice. My daughter was exclusivly breastfed for almost 10 months so I am already struggling with being away from him and weaning at such a young age! But, I have concluded that losing the weight sooner than later is the best thing for my children, even moreso than being breastfed (which I am a firm beliver in). This will be a hard aspect of my own personal recovery experience.
2/3/04
My surgery date is set for July 1,2004 with Dr. Aguirre in
4/21/04
WOW! So much has changed since my last update! At the end of March I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He was 8 lbs 3 oz. I only had to push for a couple of minuets and I did it medication free. (Finally will have an epidural for surgery) I really had my heart set on this type of birth and am SOOO happy with the experience. I did endure a small tear, no big deal. Pretty much recovered from the birth and now we are just sitting around all the time admiring our little miracle. Nursing is well established eventhough I will start offering bottles pretty soon so he will be ready for me to go to for surgery. I am happy to be thinking about the surgery once more though. There has been a new and exciting development in our lives on the career front. I am a stay at home mom but, DH is changing jobs and this has the potential of messing up our surgery dates. I am relieved to still be able to have the surgery with Dr A. but my husband can't come along because he will be with a new company and won't have any vacation time yet. So, my parents will be here caring for my two babies. It looks like I might be going it alone! This is truely a scary prospect to me but not going at all or postponing it is even scarier.
5/01/04
BREAKING NEWS ON THE WIMPY MOMMY FRONT...I CAN'T do it. I can not leave my baby. He is a NEWBORN still technically! What was I thinking when I was 8 months pregnant booking a surgery date??? I'm sure this is sounding totally rediculous to all postops out there who don't have kids (not that I think they will all be interested in reading my profile). The other night I woke up to my baby crying for that 3AM feed. As I sat there in the dark admiring the wonderful creation I named Isaiah, I realized that pretty soon I would be in a foreign country having my insides rearranged and my itty bitty baby would be looking adoringly into someone else's eyes at 3AM getting a bottle of formula!!!
8/1/04
Ok, ok, I admit I could not stay away for long!!! It is so inspiring reading all about the success of everyone on Dr. A's forum. What a wealth of information. I have been scouring the updates and latest messages during my kids naps. YEA for good little nappers!
8/17/04
I was trying not to visit this site too much since I still have a nursing child and have chosen to wait until he is on solids more to start thinking about surgery. We are having fun potty trainng our toddler and I am still nursing my baby full time. I love every minuet of it. Thanks for emailing me Diane B. reminding me to update my profile!
8/19/04
Boy, that didn't take long to get the ball rolling again, hehe! I am serious. It seems like things are moving fast now. Just today I sent a letter to Dr Aguirre to sign requesting surgery and stating medical need for it. I hope, hope, hope he will sign it and fax it back. He sounds pretty no-nonsense but also compassionate. If he declines to sign the letter to my husband's employer to withdraw fund from his 401K I will have to get a letter from my Primary Care Physician and then an official letter of denial from Cigna. Hoops, hoops and more hoops. Oh well, it's all good! I emailed Sandi M as she is a fellow
8/27/04
This crazy laptop!!! I just got done spilling my guts here on this page and it just erased...uhhh, maybe it was one of those "user errors". LOL, anyways, here we go again. Things are starting to get interesting. Dr. A has approved and signed the letter of medical necessity explaining my back pain, joint pain, years of depression and failed diet attempts. I called my PCP for a refferal and he granted one over the phone (nice)! Then I called the local surgeon and asked for a consultation. That is coming up on 9/1. So, if he approves of my need for surgery (no official comorbidities) we will submit the request to CIGNA. I will be denied I am sure. Here is my delima...to get the funds out of DH's 401K I need 2 things: 1) letter of medical necessity; 2) denial letter from insurance company. The problem is that the letter from CIGNA will state that it is not medically necessary! And my home drafted, though professional looking letter a la MS letter wizard letter that Dr A signed might not cut the mustard for the profit sharing withdrawal! These two documents will totally contridict eachother, UGH! Anyways, so to top it all off get this! Now my wonderful, supportive husband is convinced that I can and will get approved through our insurance. I am trying to prepare him for the denial but he just says to think positive. I even showed him the paperwork I filled out for the local surgeon. Detailing my health problems. No official diagnosis for ANY comorbid conditions. So, that is the latest. Jeez, this is exactly the type of thing that I was trying to avoid in the first place by going to DR A. Hoop jumping and concocting crazy schemes to make this happen suck! I just want to admit it...I am fat, I am healthy (for now) and I want to lose weight for good! I don't want to lie and make up a bunch of phantom comorbidities. I like to live my life as an open book. So, I am going ahead with my plans for a November surgery and am selling things on eBay in the mean time to raise some legit funds to get this thing done!!! Bye for now and wish me luck at my consultation.
8/28/04
Now I feel dorky and uninformed! Well, now I *AM* informed and anyone reading this can be too regarding 401K's. @@@Stop Reading here if you already have one and know all about it@@@ LOL, There is a diffence between a loan (easy, no big deal, you have to pay back...duh) and what I am trying to do. I apparantly am attempting what is called a "hardship withdrawl". You do NOT pay this back and it affects your taxes for the year by being concidered income. After a visit with my DH one more time he explained this all to me. If we just take a loan, the easy way, it would be like an extra car payment for us every month. Right now that is something we can do but don't want to! Oh well, after this surgery is done, I lose this weight and my kids are raised I can get my OWN dang retirement plan to figure out.
9/5/04
I have completed my surgical consultation with the local surgeon. Wonderful guy, respected surgeon in town. He spent about an hour and a half explaining everything, type of surgery he performs (open RNY) and why. He thinks I am a good canidate and submitted my request to CIGNA. I'm glad to be going through this process with him eventhough I am pretty positive what the outcome will be...Going to
10/20/04
What a crazy month and a half since I have updated. The local surgeon who handled my initial consultation has a bunch of disorganized, procrastinating people for an office staff. Yes, they are very nice and personable over the phone but in the end, I had to literally call and CRY my eyes out to persuade them to turn in my freakin' paperwork to CIGNA. It was on the insurance lady's desk from September 1st thru October 7th!!! I had to call everyday and be a pest. Man, it almost drove me mad. I never figured out what the hold up was. My file was just tossed in a basket I bet, sheesh!! Once received by CIGNA, it only took them 72 hrs to NOT approve me. I was actually sooo relieved to get the letter! Anyway, so now that I have that denial letter I am getting a statement from Dr. A's office outlining the surgery costs. Then I will submit that along with the letter from Dr A. stating medical necessity and and my letter of denial from CIGNA and viola! I will be good to go. If dreams came true I would have surgery the week of Thanksgiving. I know that will probably not happen though so, hopefully in the first part of December. So, my little ones can be with family during the holiday.
So, all else is going great. Stressful as usual. Mostly self imposed! LOL, DH is finishing a major landscaping job on our yard. He waited until September to even start. Backhoes, frontloaders, sod, mud slinging, nosey neighbors and a two year old running around trying to "help". Once the new fence is up in the spring it will have added up to almost the same amout of money as my surgery. This surgery will add so much more to life than a madeover yard. Oh well, guys and their home improvements! He's never been accused of not being ambitious. My husband is being so awesome about it, calling here and there, researching and faxing all over creation to figure the money part out. He is just worried about how long my recovery will be...in the love department. He is so cute and just really loves me like I am. He knows it will be much healthier for me to lose a hundred pounds but truth be told, he likes big volumptious (sp?) me and tells me so often. These are just some of the things on our mind as time ticks by.
10/28/04
I am so *happy* right now I could just cry. First, I received by mail, today, the most glowing recommendation for gastric bypass surgery ever!!! It was from my PCP's office. This is a helpful docment to submit to DH's employer for the withdrawl of funds from his profit sharing account. I am so pleasantly suprised to get such a splendid letter from them. Last time I was there asking about wls the nurse I see was like, "you really have to be morbidly obese to need that kind of surgery" I said to her, "I am!!!". Obviously she didn't know that being over 100 lbs overweight sadly put me in that catagory. So, who knows, maybe she did some research or something to change her mind. Anyways, happy, happy, happy me today. And right in time for the weekend (my poor DH!). The other thing is that I now have two sets of tickets leaving 12/15 and returning on 12/21. I will have some yummy beef broth and sugar free jell-o for Christmas dinner!!! Surgery is on the 16th and my mom and I will be staying at the apartments. Now off to eBay I go to sell off a ton of plus size maternity clothes to help pay for all this! I don't want to drain us at Christmastime so I am making some money this way. I still need funds for the apartment, Bambi, and everything. I am very motivated however, so, this will not be a problem for me. And, of course there is always visa, lol!
12/9/2004
I still feel peace but with a growing sense of serious introspection. Today I totally changed my children's sleep schedules around so I could take a nap with each of them. My husband was traveling for work and it was just us at the house. Yes, that means I took two naps today! It was NICE. We snuggled and loved it up all day. Just watching them sleep and being face to face with them. Me breathing their little exhales, my face getting all steamed up and damp with a few tears of my own. I just love them a lot and can hardly wrap my mind around the fact that I am leaving them. BUT...also I am in a constant state of reminding myself that this is for them too. All of us will benifit from having me healthier, happier and living longer and be a lot more active. We aren't talking about mountain biking or wind surfing here. I'm looking forward to not feeling dread everytime my daughter's favorite song comes on. She just loves Josh Groban's music and wants me to dance with her in her room. So, about once a day or so I indulge her after drawing the blinds, lol! It is exhausting to me, although I love it! Forget dancing, I just wanna go get a freakin' latte' and that's what we usually do. She gets a tootsie roll...following in my footsteps. Well, all that is fixin' to come to a screaching halt. We leave in 6 days. I can't wait to be on the other side and get my butt back home.
12/15/2004
It is almost here! Looks like I'm pulling one of my famous all-nighters. I've been know to do that the night before big occasions...Super Molly Time!!! This is right up there with my wedding and the nights before having labor induced. Everyone's laundry is done in the house with the exception of a couple of my husband's things (sorry honey), all sippy cups and bottles are lined up waiting for action, the cupboards are stocked with the processed food kids and husbands love, I have had one more peek in on my babies again, one more cup of coffee (11pm), one more check of my email, and of course one more bag of popcorn for old times sake. hehe! My mom will be here to pick me up in 4 and a half hours and I find myself very at peace and excited.
Thanks everyone who is a part of this board always updating your profile for all our benifit and being there as a support and sometimes voice of reason (like, "uh, Molly it's not smart to take your two year old to ." LOL) I think I have Charlotte Herron to thank for that piece of advice. All of you are just spectacular and I thank you for your advice and help along the way. I am so excited to be with you all someday at a reunion and visit with you all in person.
1/03/2005
A quick update! Everything is going spectacular. Our trip to
Much more later in the day! Babies are calling!
1/04/2005
Let’s see...for food afterward I took some of the following:
!! 1 box Lipton’s cream of chicken soup packages
!! 1 box Instant cream of wheat packages and a few Splenda Packages
!! 1 Sugar free jello packets (mixed with water and drank it hot)
* 2 Sugar free pudding pre-made (like for kids)
!! 6 bottles of Propel water which I ended up diluting and making it really cold. Plain water tasted so bad in my mouth.
When I got there I also bought at Giante:
* 2% milk for my cream of wheat. I made it with hot water and then added a little milk.
* A Yoplait sugar free fat-free yogurt smoothie out of the refrigerated section (it was ok, too sweet postop)
!! Pan Tostado (very good dry bread loaf...think dry toast) I dipped this in the cream of chicken soup.
*=did not like, should not have bought
!!=very glad I had these.
I did not run out of anything. The propel water was one of the best things I brought and next to that the soup and cream of wheat.
Some things besides the normal stuff that I brought were:
A beautiful robe that I wore around my shoulders in the hospital. It had a button at the top so I could drape it without putting it on my arms. The Iv pole would have interfered with that. Walked around the halls with it and wore it after release. Made me feel a lot more human.
A fuzzy little crib size blanket that was my daughter’s...mostly just for comfort, lol!
Slippers you can really slip into as you can not get down to do anything postop!
I had a rollered luggage bag that I could roll only...no picking up!
More slip on shoes. They were flat flip flops (with rhinestone embellishments but very simple) I usually have to wear something with a little heel but NOT for this trip. The sidewalks are very hazerdous to maneuver and so are the steps of an early postop. You do not want to fall down!
Some stretchy waist band pants and some really, really comfy loose, cute dresses. This was a must.
White undershirts for under the binder (wife beater shirts from Wal-Mart, Hanes)
A satin pillow case (the ones at the hospital were ok but I am a brat about this stuff.)
I brought a lot of fluffy toiletries. I really went into that surgery a smooth, clean, lotioned, primped up mama! This was maily for my own sanity in knowing they would be handeling me while I was out cold and I always like to feel more confident even under general anesthesia, lol! Of course they clean you off with that brown liquid before doing your incision.
I WISH I had brought a portable DVD player and some good movies. The TV sucked. I watched so much Simpson’s in Spanish...it was funny at first and just creepy after a while, lol!
I did not read any of the magazines I brought. I wanted some good romance novels though (something I would never read at home) They would have been a nice escape from reality!
Eventhough I have a broken right shift key I am excited to let everyone know how our trip to
The night before leaving for our trip I pulled an all nighter in an effort to tie up all the loose ends and had a 7am flight the next morning. Before leaving I spent a few quiet moments standing over my kids as they slept. I had a few sniffles and then went into hug dh as he slept. I was so shocked at my emotion as I just sort of collapsed on his big barrel chest. Though I'd be a mess with my kids and ok with leaving him. The full range of feelings hit me though when I thought about all of his support though the past couple years and the love that he obviously has for me to help me have this surgery and make my dream come true. My husband woke up of course and we said goodbye and I went to go wait for my mom and dad to pick me up.
My mom and I had a super fun time at the airport waiting for our flight, visiting over bagels and latte's. The whole time I was savoring what was sure to be my last breakfast like that in a long time. i just kept thinking 'tomorrow at this time...'. the flight was great and i really enjoyed everything about it. we arrived in
Oh man, I had never seen anything like it. The scenery was just amazing. the signs of poverty were everywhere and i just looked out the window with amazement the whole trip down as my mom chatted it up with bambi. boy, can she talk, and he gave her a run for her money, lol. it was fun. he is a very open man about his life there and all of dr a's patients.
upon arriving at the posada el rey i paid bambi and checked into the hotel. it was really a wierd place for me to get used to at first. of course my mom and i had both been up all night packing and were tired so we tried to take a nap on those infamous beds. before long she was snoring and having a great nap and i was stuck laying on my lumpy bed thinking i must be crazy. well, i got over it soon and went out to the veranda and had a propel water then took a shower and 'got cute'. it was about 4pm when we left there and went down to an outdoor restaurant and enjoyed yet another yummy espresso drink. it was so fun. for a moment it felt like girl's night out then i remembered what i was there for, lol. so, after while we walked a few steps over and made friends with the taxi drivers. i loved those guys. they were so sweet and helpful and the price was always only five bucks. so, we were off to cardiomed to find Jody before my appointment with Dr. A.
As we arrived at Cardiomed the lady at the front desk greeted us and I asked to see Jody. We were told her room number and went to visit her. It was so nice to see her and to meet her wonderful husband, Dean. They were relaxing and watching some tv but of course we visited with them and felt like long lost friends reunited! Shortly rosella came in their room and I met her for the first time. She is just an extraordinary person and soooo totally cute. It's great that she is there to give us personal attention and made us feel very welcome and at ease. It was time for my pre-labs. My mom and I headed downstairs with Rosella. The technicians doing my bloodwork spoke very little English. I have terribly hard to locate viens and asked them to use a hot wet towel to help plump up a vien. They did not oblige and so I practiced my "havin' a baby breathin'" until they just let me bleed into one and a half vials. I was keeping calm and collected though. The bruises are finally faded three weeks later. It was truely the crappiest blood draw of my life and to tell you the truth instilled quiet a bit of fear about how the iv would go the next day. Rosella and my mom chit chatted away on a nearby bench. There was also a coffee pot there in the same room. So, nurses would come and go out of the room taking a moment to come see me bleed oh so freaking slowly while they got their coffee. It was frustrating and I was relieved when it was finally over. After this Rosella walked us down the street to Dr. A's office. It was very dark in there and she turned on some lights and we sat and looked at the beautiful scrapbook from the reunion. It was a highlight!
After a few minuets I realized she was sort of stalling.
2/16/2005
I did have a great time in
03/23/2005
I have made it to the half-century club after 14 weeks. Sheesh, it seems like this was the longest week on record! Just last night before I went to bed I was 205 and so sad. That would have put me at a two pound gain since last Wed. This week was full of bad food choices for me. We went on a trip and I over indulged in sunflower seeds, sugar free candy and a short latte here and there trying to stay awake on the road. When I got home it didn't end there! How easily these old habits rear their ugly heads. I can totally see how people gain their weight back or never get to goal...by getting the munchies and not turning them down, lol! Last night I bought a wrap around looking shirt. It is stretchy and white and super, super cute! One of my final purchases from Lane Bryant. I had a "buy $15 get $15 off" coupon so I thought, hey, I'll take a free shirt! Anyway, I feel really good in a size 14 shirt. I must say though, properly fitting, strategic undergarments are getting more important as the days go by! hehe Gotta get all those loose boobies tucked in all the right places. Hey, it still looks ok once that is done, even in a snug white shirt. I have had so many black t-shirts for so long that I am just sick to death of them. Oh well, so in a nutshell, life is GOOD! A couple weeks ago I had a major WLS moment. Hubby and I were at an event with about 1500 friends and associates. It was a dress up thing and I was feeling excepionally cute and well put together that day. We walked in late and had to walk in front of the whole crowd as we went to find our seats. Afterward, about 20 or 30 people came up to me gushing on and on about how great I looked. I mean people *really* were freaking out. It was funny. This one lady inparticular came up to me. I had only talked to her a couple times before but had always admired her from a distance. She is just so nice and cute about 50 and very wealthy. Kind of an intimidating little power person. She approached me and told me how she really could see my magnetic personality shining through, how I was looking like a million bucks, how great she could tell I felt, how great I carried myself...ect! When she was done I had tears in my eyes. I have spent so long just trying to blend in, wanting to be invisible. Hiding behind my maternity dresses when I wasn't even pregnant anymore. Last year at this time if I had to walk into a room full of successful pillars of the community feeling the way I did, I would have rather stayed in the car. Anyway, it was just really life changing for me. This whole journey is and I am so happy to be on it.
4/29/2005
I just got back from getting an IUD inserted. It was not as bad as I had anticipated. Just a little cramping is all. What a relief! I get pregnant so easy that I was really on thin ice for awhile. Last weekend I sold a whole ton of baby stuff at my garage sale. Let me tell you...I took two pregnancy tests before I would let any of it out of my sight. So, with this IUD I should be good for 5 years. So, I'm thinking maybe two years, have another baby and then wait another year for plastics. That should give me enough time. I just love being a mom and look forward to the day that I can have one more baby. I also look forward to the other kids being in school at that time so I can really, really enjoy the last baby while we are home alone all day. Then when they are *all* in school I am going to be a realtor! I'm such a chatty chick and just love people and love making money that I bet I would love real estate. Anyway, what am I eating these days?
04/06/2005
Well, I finally made it to onederland!!! I couldn't be happier. It is a shock that I lost three lbs this week considering I got attacked by two monsters from my past. One of them was a bagel man and one was a group of door-to-door Girl Scouts. I tell ya, this is and always will be a daily battle. I ended up doing a mini-binge on half a box of thin mints and then gave the other half of the box away to my dad. The bagel thing happened just because I wanted to stop into one of my old hang outs and show off my weight loss. I used to spend at least $5 a day there and consumed at times up to 1000 calories at a time there. They were all happy to see me and I ordered a bagle toasted with Southwestern flavored cream cheese (full fat) cut in half and shared it with my two year old. Then guess what...that was so fun that I did it three more times over the next few days. No MORE!!! It is like an alcoholic visiting the old neighborhood tavern again and just knocking back some brewskis for old times sake. So totally unhealthy! We are embarking on a new chapter of life. Our family will be moving May first and I am so stressin'. So, I have been in the process of giving away and eBaying $100's of clothes. It is not as fun as I thought it would be, that's for sure. It really hurts and I am such an emotional person that I have grown attatched to a lot of my clothing. I'm always like, "awww, I remember wearing this when I went into labor with Ellie...awww, this is what I wore when we found out that my Mema died...aww, I had this shirt on 9/11/01. ect..." It is rediculous but I have to laugh at me and move on. Moving is so symbolic of where I am right now with my life. It will be a good thing once it happens but right now it is just a pain to pack and have a garage sale. Anyways, I am becoming more and more of a high maintenance girly-girl than I was before. Waxing my legs, buying blond pony tail extenders (Toni Pony) from HSN (helps with thinning hair) $14 Shea Butter from Bath and Body Works, getting ready to start tanning...jeez, yes, I'm getting skinnier but not any richer that's for sure. It's fun though and my hubby encourages it *all*. He loves it and is always ready to spoil me as much as he can. Now if only he could talk me into getting some new lingere, LOL! I am so blessed in that way. I love being a girl!!! Yes, I know this is a very deep conversation. That's me...Deep Ponderous Molly.
5/17/2005
Yesterday was my five month anniversary and today I am just reflecting on all of the great little things about life. All weekend I was trying to get away for an hour or so to get a pedicure before Sunday! I could not carve out the time in my schedule so Sunday morning I just hiked up my foot onto the bathroom counter and gave myself a pedicure. I did the white tips like in a French manicure. It turned out awesome and saved my $26 just because of the simple fact that I can reach my own feet! It was a really great feeling. Another moment was this: I was at a Spring Luncheon in a lovely home last week and there were no more chairs. So, I sat down with my cheese, fruit and salami plate right smack in the middle of the floor. It was so awesome to be one of the young, limber, slimmer ones there who could jut plop down on the floor without a big commotion! IT was a really nice little wls moment. I have been bombared my nice compliments and some really WIERD looks from the opposite sex that I have not experienced in years. I was at a red light the other day in my mini-van (HELLO!) and this guy next to me in a truck as just looking me over like there was no tomorrow. It was the longest red light in history! Anyway, I guess I look pretty hot in my mini-van with my two baby car seats in the back. Another thing was a couple weeks ago when I was at a drugstore buying some various things and when I got to the checkout the clerk asked if I found everyting and I told him I couldn't find the sunflower seeds. He said he'd be right back and retuned a couple minuets later all out of breath with an arm full of different packages for me to choose from. Everyone behind me in line was rolling their eyes and getting impatient while I was getting treated to superior customer service, lol! It was really funny to be treated so special. Could that have happened while I was at 250? Of course! But I really think it would not have happened to me! I also see guys really checking me out at the store, car wash, ect! I'm like WTHeck!!?!? Is this normal for all people? I am still 190 pounds I can't imagine how it will be later. I guess ya just get used to it! It is wonderful but also presents it's own set of challenges. It's a fun time to be me. More later on weigh in day! That is tomorrow!
5/24/2005
It is almost moving day for me and I have made myself scarce on the message boards (finally). Anyway, you guys are always on my mind though. Last week I posted about my weight being stuck. I have developed a pattern in my losing and it took Dina to point it out to me. My pattern is this: I lose 3 or 4 pounds the week of my period and the rest of the month I play around with a half a pound or so! Ha! So, anyway, I weighed again after my period and am down some more.
Well, the bathroom is packed now and so is my scale. I figure I will not see it again until after July 4th, when we are into our new home and that is fine with me! I am wearing size 14 tops and size 16 capris and shorts. I feel like a million bucks. It is kinda wierd though...I know it sounds bad but, I am getting sick of myself. It's really been "all about me" now for a few months and I am ready to take my eyes off myself and focus on others. I get showered with compliments everywhere I go and it feels wonderful. This has lead me to constantly checking my reflection in the mirrior and caring so much about the new and improved me. Moving at this time in my life will be really good. Nobody there will know how I used to look and I can sorta start over. I won't have the constant WOW factor coming from everyone I bump into and quiet frankly, that will be a relief! More later from the other side of the mountains! Hugs and kisses, Molly
6/20/2005
Whew! I made it over to
I am still doing great! I just thought I would update this thing real quick since the scale is moving! I am so happy to have discovered a secret weapon for weight loss! Exercise. Hehe! It is really working. There for awhile I was wondering what the heck was going on. I am taking a "boot camp" class on M, W, Fri at the YMCA and I love it. It is very challenging and all the buff mamas take it in their cute little designer Nike gear with matching Nike Shox (expensive nice, running shoes). They are all really friendly for the most part though and I am sure they worked really hard for those bodies and they look great and flaunt it. But HEY! Like I said...they are nice and a very big inspiration to me. Anyway, we are still getting going in real estate. Hubby is out showing houses right now at alomst 9:30pm and he is really gonna have to work hard to earn that commission. They don't just give you $4K-9K per deal for nothin' lol! We are still waiting it out living with his mom and dad. It has proven to be a character building experience but no matter what...I am so greatful to them because it is saving us over $2K a month while we are ramping up our business so it is truely a blessing, all kidding aside! There is PLENTY of room here and we have taken over the master bedroom and bath. My kids are sharing another of the rooms and there is still another room left. It is a huge house! I am gonna be spoiled by the time we move outta here. It will still be nice to have our own place again soon. I always am eating my stuff on the downlow! HA! We brought our Culligan water cooler and set it up in the walk-in closet. I have Nectar protein in there and my stainless martini shaker so I swig it down every AM and PM. It is pretty fun. Kinda my version of camping out, LOL! The in=laws are no doubt wondering why I am not scarfing down 2 cups of white rice per meal and tons of chinese food and then getting caught in the kitchen later with my hand in the ice cream bucket. That is what I used to do all the time when we would visit. Nov. 2004, a month before surgery, this is exactly what happened! After a great (Very American...yay) Thanksgiving dinner I was eating a big freakin' slab of my sister-in-law's cherry cheese cake in the dark kitchen and my MIL walked in and flipped on the light. It was dreadfully embarrasing and I felt like I was caught looking at porn or something. Very shameful to be stuffing my face like that! Now I just do it with popcorn every night...mmmmmm....nothing better and the little snack size bags are not that bad at all. Good roughage as well. Later!!!
8/01/2005
Hi Everybody!!! Just a really quick update...So much is happening in life. We decided to try to put our house on the market just for fun and we got it sold in two days with a full price offer! We bought it in '97 for $99K and sold it last week for $160K. We were gonna try to rent it out but not with the realestate market the way it is these days in Spokane we just had to jump on it. Anyway, the funny thing was that there were NO Comparison properties in our neighborhood going for that kind of money. We just got really lucky. Well, not lucky... BLESSED! This is one of the coolest things that ever happened to us financially. We are paying off a lot of debt and are gonna buy a house over here on the west side of the mountains where it is a lot more expensive. Hubby finally sold some houses over here in our new town and that is a big win after being with out a paycheck since June- HA!!! What a stressful couple months.
Speaking of my wonderful husband...things are great. He is feeling a little insecure now that I am down 80 lbs (about a size 14) and am getting a lot of compliments for family and friends. HE thinks I am so hot now and that is so heart warming to know!Our relationship is better than ever and he is very happy with how things are turning out. I must say he has a case of the "working harder to keep her" syndrome. I reassure him daily with words and hmmm...actions LOL! But, he is still nervous I will bail someday and think grass is greener on the other side. I am committed to this man and really appreciate all the hard work he is doing for our family.
Now, speaking of family...there came a devestating blow last week regarding the health of my father. He is 57 and has just been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease. This is very rare and is a real heart breaker. My dad is my favorite person in the world (lots of people respect and adore this man). He always does the right thing when nobody is looking (character) and has been a server and lover of God and people for my whole life. Always giving money out of his own pocket to those in need and never saying an ill word about anyone. He just is a delight to all who know him and a couple years ago we started to notice his forgetfulness and him having a hard time doing simple tasks he has been doing for years. Like tying a tie. This man is a total fashion plate! He has always been such a sharp dresser and just a total pretty boy. He still is and we will just have to help him more as time goes on. I told mom... hey, there is always male modeling! My mom is handeling the diagnosis the hardest. The financial aspects of this are almost unbearable for my mom. She is losing her stud of a husband to this horrible mind robbing disease that killed my beloved Mema in 2001. It is gonna be real hard but we will persevere.
Ok...last but not least...About my health and my ever shrinking body! I am doing great. I started taking Cher-Amino liquid protein by twin labs and it is 15g protein in every 2 T. I do it twice a day and also eat a can of tuna and this is really helping me. Still chugging my Culligan water in the privacy of my walk-in closet at the in-laws (just a little longer, I can do it, hehe). And I just feel like a million bucks. Everyone says I look like it too and I guess I am starting to believe them finally. I just wrapped up a weekend around a bunch of people I have not seen in a couple months and they were all in utter amazement. I felt somewhat uncomfortable with all the attention but I must admit I felt pretty good and I guess I DID strut my stuff a *little* hehe!!! I had on new clothes and that always has been a good boost to me no matter if I was pregnant and 285 or now at 172. New clothes and cute hair rock my world! I just feel so blessed beyond comparison to have been able to have this surgery and another chance at life. I was always a hottie trapped inside a bunch of rolls of pasty white fat now my body has quit betraying me and I am looking like who I always have been on inside.
There have been DRASTIC changes in my body shape. It seems to have happend over night. My hips have always had a very square shape. In my family we call it "square built" hehe. That is us. I mean this area of my hips is all but GONE! Like I said this seems to have happened suddenly. Now, suddenly my hips (this area is what plastic surgeons call flanks, I think, people get lipo there a lot on extreme makeover, lol) have a very subtle gentle curve that is much better than the very dramatic chunk of fat and flesh that stuck WAY out. Most of my fat rolls are gone when standing. No skin to skin contact with myself on my back or front! Top to bottom, It used to go like this...boobs, roll, roll, privates (this is a ridiculous description, I know) that was the front. The back was like this...shoulders, side roll, side roll (bra area of my back) back roll all the way across, square hips, square butt. Hey, who knew all those squares were made of all that fat! Anyway, I am really happy and healthy. Just working on making healthy choices and taking my supplement and vitamins.
I am so excited to have heard from Richard for the SoTB forum via email. And am just jumping up and down for all the soon to be postops...
9/2/05 I am just gonna update real quick! I am doing really well. The weightloss has slowed a lot and for good reason! I have kinda fallen off the band wagon in the way of lean protein, water and exercise. It is a good thing to admit it though so I can CHANGE! LOL! My hubby is kicking me (gently) out of the house every Monday thru Friday from 8-10:30 am. He has to work at home without interuption (on the phone) so that means I will be taking the kids to the Y everyday during that time. I am gonna drop them off in the nursery and do my workout and shower and get all dolled up there to start my day. I am looking forward to the change. I am still SOOOOO happy that I had this surgery. I feel like a million bucks and am my goal is to be 100 pounds down by my 1 year anniversary. Last year at this time if someone told me I would still weigh 169 and not more like 139 I would be doubtful that this deal would have been worth it. BUT it is totally transforming and I am really pleased ~ AND ~ really motivated to get to my goal at the same time. In a couple weeks on my 9 month anniversary I will be posting my REAL official before picture in bra and panties and my official during picture in the same bra and panties....it's gonna be HOT (lol!)so stay tuned! My tummy skin is getting pretty icky looking and I really am looking forward to a tt in 2006 or 2007!
9/09/05 I hope I am doing this right...I do not want to mess up my html! Anyway, I am still doing well. Latley though, I do not know what it is but I have just been reflecting so much on the past. Especially my teenage years and late childhood. I think because of losing all this weight and feeling good about myself and I am just so sad about all the silent pain I went though while all the while just being trying to play the part of a cheerful, happy-go-luck girl. I am grieving all the times growing up in the Texas panhandle going to Friday night football games and just aching to fit in. My best friend and I would get ready for hours on end and get our hair really big, lol! Then we would go out and she would get soooo much attention. Everyone loved her so much and I would feel pretty cute at the time but as soon as all the guys started giving her attention and falling all over her I would say silently to myself...who do you think you are? Feeling all cute and worthy and nobody likes you. Just wanting so bad to have a boyfriend. A REAL boyfriend who was proud of me not just who wanted to use me abd then keep it on the "downlow". How bad I wanted to have cute clothes and "store bought" haircuts and highlights. It is just so funny how I am thinking about all these bitter-sweet memories. Could it be simply because it is back to school time and I know there are so many girls going through the same things? I know it doesnt even sound like a big deal...the things I am describing here...and that is because most the things I am thinking about are not things that I will ever talk about much less write about here. Let's just say that I made quiet a name for myself there in that little town as a hurting young girl. Wanting nothing but unfailing love and acceptance. I am so happy with my life now.I am FINALLY happy!!! I am happy and feel so blessed to have all these things...an adoring hubby who dotes on me and is a total horn dog for me and is very proud of me, an awesome family life with two adorable babies to call my own and to pour my life into every day and delight in their daily growth, near perfect health as far as I can tell, energy abounds to enjoy all these things, a thinner, more toned, tanner body than I ever thought possible, confidence though the roof, and security in knowing who my God is and what my life's purpose is!!! Whoo hoo! I am so blessed BUT...It's like I am going through a crisis of recalling all the images of my past and I am having a hard time shaking this wierd haunted feeling. Sigh... the musings of very reflective me....I KNOW! I need to go see a counselor, lol! I'll be ok, I just needed to vent! HUGS!!!
10/4/2005
Today I changed my user name because of all of the weird personal things I have been putting on my profile lately. I went back and read it and just realized how wierd it would be to some people to read all the stuff I document here, LOL! Anyway, I am not a big Deleater though and want to honor myself and my thoughts a little more annonomously. Of course, if people I know read my profile and see all of my pictures they will know it is me...then call me My mobile phone number is: 509-998-0598 and share your shock of my journal entries. We can have a good chat. It is Ok, really. More later!
11/11/2005 Oh my goodness! So much is changing for the better! My attitude about surgery and my attitude about life is so different than before. I will update more on my one year anniversary and am really looking forward to it! Have been struggling a lot with making healthier food choices but am back on track with water and protein and no more riffling through my kid's halloween candy!
12/16/2005
Wow! Wow! Wow! What a crazy awesome journey this is. A year ago at this very moment I was standing outside Cardio Med waiting for them to open the doors. I was so very nervous and at the same time ready for my surgery to happen so I could continue on with the life of health and happiness that I knew God had for me. It always seemed just out of my reach. Now I finally feel like I have that life. I am indeed the same but different. I live in a different town, have a different body it seems like, have a new wardrobe, a new attitude (sassy and happy), and just closed on our new house yesterday. I am so thankful to God for allowing me to go on this awesome life transforming journey.
Hsu, if you read this, let me tell you a couple things that I will also tell you in person, honey. I am just putting it here to document the fun as they say on my side of the family! I am forever grateful to you for making my dreams come true. The stress of no approval from Cigna, the pressure of making my surgery happen anyway, the resourcefulness that it took for you to come up with a plan to pay for this surgery and execute it perfectly, making it look so easy to me. I was so depressed that I had no energy or get up and go to book my own dang flight myself...you did it. I thank you for staying home with the kids and sacrificing your sanity to let me go to and have this done. You must really love me huh, Buddy? Then when I came home you had that beautiful bouquet of Christmas flowers and out little house looked like a palace. You were my own private nurse and doctor as you nurtured me back to health and then took matters into your own hands and removed my staples and drain so I would not have to face Dr. Purdy's office or venture out into all that snow. Then there came the endless task of buying new clothes almost every week and you never discouraged me at all only cheered me on and made me feel great. Thank you. Instead of complaining that you should be having surgery too you took the risk to move us to this great
