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This might be the first time in my life when my weight is finally causing some health problems.  What a different perspective I have about my weight. 
You hear stories of overweight people surviving a heart attack or some close call with death and the reality of losing weight takes on a whole new meaning.  Of course I always knew this but when it stares back at you in the mirror you sure get a kick in the pants to do something about it -  right now.
Mine is pain.  I ended up back in the ER 3 weeks ago due to a back injury directly related to my weight.  It seems I have 2 vertibre curving to the left and my hip bones are shifted up about 1/2 inch on the right which is causing nerves to be pinched.  I've lost all nerve feeling in my left leg because the muscles in my lower back are so inflamed and tight to protect that area and that muscle runs down the side of your thigh and front of your lower leg.  It's been three weeks and I'm finally starting to get those nerves back (thank God no permanent damage so far!).  The problem is now that those muscles are loosening in my back,  that pain is front and center.
This is caused by my weight and living a seditary lifestyle in a chair.  I have a desk job during the day and I'm a couch potato at night, I don't excersise or watch what I eat....hummm...duh.
I see some kind of medical professional every day - either nurse, my pcp or physical theripst - I've also done my first session with a psyc as a first step to start some counciling to try to figure out why I'm so emotionally attached to food so I can get to the root of this problem.  Food is an absolute addiction for me, it just so happens I wear my addiction for the world to see.  Maybe I can use that to my benefit somehow...
Anyhoo - I weighed myself this morning, I'm down to 276 so I'm down about 10lbs in 5 or so weeks.  I have to say all the meds I'm on is helping with my eating - sometimes I get horrible stomach pains when I eat - I'll take that incentive!
It's hard for me to get moving with this so this little weight loss is due to food intake only which will only take off so much.  Hopefully I'll be able to start walking soon.
I'm going to take my new motivation and see if I can lose this weight once and for all.  Living with pain when you can do something about it is no way to live.

Well here I am.  I went to go see my PCP on Monday to address the ER situation I mentioned below and the anxiety issues I have.  She put me on Paxil and recommended I set up some counciling sessions.  She said I was not a good candidate for wls right now and that tackling this would be the first step.  She told me that the first six months after wls can be a roller coster emotionally (as well as physically) and getting a better handle on these issues will make wls more successful - I agree with that so I've cancelled my first appointment with Dr. Glass on Sept. 12th.  She also wants me to give it one more try on my own and we talked about weight loss in general and what that meant for me.  It was a great disscussion - we talked a lot about what weight loss means to me and how much weight loss am I looking for?  I got down to 190 about 9 years ago and kept it off for about 5 years, I've slowly gained 20lbs or so each year since.  I was very happy at 190 even though that's still overweight for me.  I know why I've gained it back - I stopped moving.  So - I'm going to give it another try, I'll take the Paxil and go to counciling to see if I can find lose some of the weight on my own.
I'm not sure if this is the board to document this on but what the heck....hopefully it will help me and anyone else out there make the huge decision of wls.

I've made the decision to take a closer look at weight loss surgery and attended the Seminar on August 4th 2008 in St. Cloud MN.  There I met Kristin (nut) and Dr. Glass.  The only thing I've committed to at this point is to go through the process and decide if this is the right thing for me.

I work with several people who have had this surgery, all have done RNY I believe, all have lost weight and have improved their physical health and are enjoying a different life.  It's nice to have those people close that will share their experience with me, it helps.

I read these forums everyday, especially the one in Minnesota.  Their stories inspire me and scare me a bit too! 

I've scheduled my first visit with Dr. Glass, September 12th.  I'm excited about this appointment and a bit scared.  I keep expecting someone to pop up and say NO, this is just not for you.  Hopefully I'll find some answers along the way.  Today I weigh 285lbs (as you know, at this weight the scales can sway several lbs. at any given time :).

Yesterday I spent 4 hours in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack - my dr. wanted me to get checked for heart damage or lung clots (I smoke - that is the first thing to go!) - turns out I'm having anxiety attacks, geez.  My dr. wants me to start taking some medication for this (another story for another blog....) but other than that I got a clean bill of health. Good heart, good lungs, low blood pressure - so why can't I just do this on my own?   
Ugh.