Back on the Wagon

Dec 27, 2014

I have not been here for so long. I regret that. I did not have internet for longest time. but I had a cell phone so no excuse. I have some bad news. I gained like 20 lbs. I am depressed over it. I am not sure if the depression I been in caused it. I lost a few family members that is very close to me. Been few months since last one. I still am having grieving problems. I see a therapist now too. I am able to eat some bad foods now. like cake and cookies and more carbs. I feel so so awful. I am like hungry all the time. NOT head hunger I am seriously having growling in my belly. I fear of stretching my pouch as I can eat larger portions. I know it is expected to eat more by year out but I can eat almost same as before I had surgery.. I freak out over this. My surgeon did a dye xray thing where they see the pouch and intestines. She said it is size of large egg.. ok.. but I think she was being nice because when I was in the hospital last summer..severe pain in right side...they scoped me..and the Dr whos not a bariatric surgeon said my pouch was as big as her fist !!!!!!! ok who do I believe.... either way I feel bigger.. Im retaining fluids.. I bought otc water pills to help with swelling and they are not doing anything.. ugh.. I am embarrassed to call my surgeon.. I am also going to try and see a plastic surgeon..praying insurance covers what I need done. Anyways this is me at the moment..... have a Happy New Year!

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