I don't event know where to begin? All I keep asking myself is how did I get here. I am now tipping the scales at 397. I am still in shock..I came to the realization that I need this weight loss surgery the day I seen pictures from my job's Christmas party..I felt like I wanted to run in a corner and cry..I looked so big. All I kept thinking was, "Is this how everyone sees me?" I all of a sudden felt obese! God, I hate that word. It makes me feel like I am handicap and completely unattracted.
My body started to feel worse. I thought I could deal with my aching joints, sweaty body when I walk a few feet, being out of breathe when I walk up a flight of stairs, and my sore back, but I can't...the pain hurts too much. I can admit, not proudly, that I am an emotional eater. I eat when I am having a great day, I eat when I am fustracted, I eat when I am mad and depressed. What ever I can put my hands on. Over the past two years I think I have done more eating than I have done in a while..
Two years prior, I was on a roll-I was working out, eating right and shedded 70 pounds..I was feeling great and moving around much better. Then, I got laid off from my job of 5 years, then I had a huge fight with someone I grew fond of . To make matters worse, whien I came back from visting my parents, I came home to my place being robbed...I felt like crap. I did manage to find a new job and moved into a safer place..and started to put my life back together- Or atleast I thought...I always felt like I was missing something in my life...a boyfriend...I always wanted and wished for one...actually I thought I came close a few times..but turned out to all a mare one sided crush. I had an idea that the reason why I never really dated was b/c of my weight...and the bad choice of men I fell for. I know some big women don't have a problem with dating...but this big girl did..I was yearning for that intimacy with a man. The only real intimacy I had was with FOOD.
A year past and I think when I got my heartbroken for the last time is when I just got depressed..Years of being neglected, talked about, and treated differently by people started to get me. I was tired of putting on a happy face all the dam time knowing I was feeling sad inside...I was tired of being overweight...I was tired of countless hours at the gym...being on several diets....Yeah, I lost weight, but could never get below 300 pounds..I thought out having Gastric Bypass several times: when Al Roker had it done, when Connie Phillips had it done, when my one friend's sister had it done...but I thought well maybe if I work out a little harder and keep dieting that I will eventally lose the weight...well here I am today...I have gained about 80 pounds over the past 2 years..My body is feeling it..feeling it big time.. I went to a seminar that talk was very helpful in making the right decision...That is when right then that I wanted to have the Gastric Bypass...And that is when the journey began!!