One Year Anniversary Post Surgery

Sep 01, 2010

Its hard to believe that a year has past already since my GBS and I am truly blessed.  As of today I am 236 and is in best shape I have ever been in- ever...I remember when I first started this journey...I thought I would never get here and after months of determination and patience I am able to sit here and type my post surgery anniversary testimony.  I have to admit, I have had a lot of good days and a lot of bed emotional days after surgery.  I have been dealing with a lot of emotional issues head on that I used to bury away with food and facing it head on has been a big challenge....No one said it was going to be easy before or after surgery...I still have my cravings, mentally I still have these eating habits that I am trying to get away from...I am staying focus to working out (maybe a little to much)  and it has become apart of my everyday life....I can now fly up flights of stairs without being out of breath..I can sit down and have room in a normal chair, I can get on a plane and use the seatbelt without the extender, I can cross my legs, I canwrap a normal size towel around my body, clothes are falling off of me and not doing the opposite...I haven't yet tried going to Victoria Secret, but will soon...I have more energy than ever, do a lot more smiling and walking with my head held high..I actually have a waist..all I can say is YAHHHHH!!!!!!
I am still trying to get used to all the compliments coming from people that haven't seen me in a long time ...Yesterday, while I was at the grocery store, the cashier lady stopped and said " OH my goodness, what are you doing?" I looked at her all confused and said " what do you mean?"  She was like, " you look great! you have lost a lot weight!"  I find myself giggling and smiling like a school girl and said, " thanks, I am doing a lot of working  out"  She smiled and say,  " Well keep up the good work!!"  It feels good!!!  I wouldn't change a thing with this experience because it has shown me just how strong of a person that I am


Happy Birthday to me!!!! Happy Birthday to me!!!

Apr 25, 2010

I am so blessed to have made it to another birthday! I had an great weekend with old friends and even met some new friends.  Went to my first WLS Meet and Greet and enjoyed myself. Shortly after I went to a party and cracked up with friends.  Yesterday, I enjoyed a nice brunch at Copeland's with friends and enjoyed the rest of the day relaxing.   I know I haven't been on here lately, but have been adjusting to life after WLS. Things have been busy lately and I am just trying to figure things out.  I am at the point of my life that I trying to figure out what my next move is going to be career wise since they keep laying off folks at my job.  I am so thankful to still have a job, but having that uneasy feeling everyday at work is not cool and I am so ready for a change.  I rather walk out of my job on my terms rather than my job giving me the pink slip.  I got myself a therapist and she really has been helping me cope with emotions that I couldn't understand. I am still working out and trying to reach my first goal of 250...I am about 12-13 pounds away....I have never been this small and just in all that I can get in a size 16-18 old navy clothes and wearing size 20 jeans....
Well I am going to enjoy the rest of my day and will check back in later!!!!!

6 months Anniversary....A lot of thoughts running in my head

Feb 04, 2010

Wow, I can't believe 6 months is already here...sometimes it seems like yesterday when I had a surgery.  Things physically have been going great, but I just have been dealing wiht a lot of stuff mentally. I am down about 64 pounds since the surgery and in total I have lost 116 pounds.  I feel great and my clothes are starting to fall off of me. I have been trying to plan meals in advance so that I can eat healthier and things have been okay..I had my physical with my regular physician that hasn't seem me in 2 years. She was very proud of me for getting the surgery and was shocked to see how much weight I have lost.   I felt like a fat cow since I was PMSing big time...but felt proud of myself though.  For some strange reason my BP was up a little bit and thats wierd b/c I barely have any problems with my BP.. I have been getting used to eating out and have learned how to pace myself and ask for a doggy bag right away....I think I have trained my body when I am full and not over do it...I did get sick the beginning of this week..I only had 1/2 of an english muffin, 2 hand full of popcorn and 1/2 of popcsicle.  I think the popscile is what did me over and got me sick.  I still kick my habit of snacking on popcorn and chips, but try and limit myself...  I am still working out faithfully...I think this is one habit I have learned to keep. 
      Lately, I just have been feeling so fustrated and stuck with things.  I feel stuck in my personal life, with my job, finance wise, and just emotionally. I have all these plans and goals that I want to start working on, but lately I have been feeling so fustrated and it has been driving me nuts.  I have been thinking about seeing a head shrink to see if they can help to to sort everything out, but the one I picked is clear accross town. I wanted one close by so I can have evening appts, but shoot now I have to fight with traffic and plan accodingly to see the head shrink.  I could talk to my friends about what has been bothering me, but lets face I truely don't think they understand how I am feeling right now and if they do its only do an extent.  I am not trying to hear the positive bull shit that friends say and act like they are listening but really not...I need someone to help me cope with everything and get down to the bottom of my problem...I just can't seem to do that...I have been going out, but not as much b/c my finaces aren't the best...I feel more confident when I do go out, but lets be real I am ready to start dating. I am not trying to go out to search for a man...I would like for guys to approach me and get a few numbers....this being celibant for 7 years is really starting to get to me.  I am so tired of hearing about sex from the tv, friends, and songs....I am so sex deprieved thats it driving me mad.  What I do turely miss is just a male companionship...and at times I feel like my ass is going to be single for the rest of my life.  I am so desperately trying to get over the one guy I just can't seem to kick..but its so does help that we barely speak like we used to but, i do miss it.  I want so much more..I want to start dating...I hate the fact that "our friendship" is not a real friendship and ready to wake up and not think about him...I am not as mad or hurt as I used to be over him, but it still hurts that he doesn't want me and treats me the way that he does...I shouldn't be worried about his ass b/c he clearly is not worried about me at all.  I am pissed right now because I have been trying to reach him for the past three weeks but he can't seem to call back...No I haven't been blowing up his phone but just calling to chat and he has yet to call back...he did call me last week, but I didn't answer b/c he didn't answer when I bothered to call him. This dude used to blowup myphone in the past and call me like clock work and at that moment it felt good to have someone call as much as he did and now I barely get any attention from him..I think back to when I couldn't contact him for a month and come to find out that his ass was locked up and didn't have the respect to tell me that he was going to be locked up for a month....At that moment I knew that this was not a friendship at all....I just don't know why I have this crazy obession over him...maybe because right now no man has paid me any mind or has caught my attention long enough to stop contacting this dude for good.  I have been waning to confront his ass about my feelings and tell him to just leave me along, but then I think its not even worth it again..he probably will turn it all around on me and make it seem like none of this is his fault...I am still kind of bitter other this situation...I am embarassed that I have let this go on for far too long, but I am afriad to let go...I am afriad its going to hurt more than ever...but I just can't keep living like this or feeling this way.  Its like when I get mad enough to cut him off and out of my life...he must know and try and crawl back.....I just wish I never met him....wish I never experience the hearache and disappointment over him...I have probably missed out on some many thing by wasting my time over him....I just want to SCREAM!!!!!  Good, I got this out my I can go about my day.

Happy New Years!!

Jan 03, 2010

Its been a minute since I have posted something on here, but I am back.  The month of December was pretty stressful...between work and paying bills...I was just counting down the time until my x-mas vacation.  My mind was on E and was ready to leave.  My x-mas vacation was great...I really enjoyed myself with my all my family in North Carolina.  My family was amazed to see how much I have slimmed down.  My test was to watch what I ate during the vacation.  Now I see how my ass got big....all my family love to do is eat and drink.  I am happy to say that I did not have a ounce of alcohol...I am atleast trying to wait until either my 6 months anniversary or my birthday to have something...I just don't want alochol to be a road block for me losing weight.   The food on the other hand, I tried my best...but they had it all...I did manage to get sick twice, but that was due to the fact I drunk something too soon after I ate...I felt like crap...I even had to throw up the one time and went to sleep to feel better.  My parents cooked fried chicken, had chinese food, hot wings, lasgna, macaroni and cheese, sweet potatoes, and so fourth...I nibbled here and there, but I did back away as soon as I got that full feeling.  I did manage to hit the treadmil a few times...I decided to chill for New Years with my family instead of heading back to the ATL.  I just needed a few more days to relax and was not ready to go back home. 
When New Years came I got a nice phone call from my one friend that I was super surprised to hear from. Of all the 7/8 years I have known him he never blew up my phone during the holidays.... Although it was sweet, I am not pressed about it and going to keep it moving.  For 2010 I am all about doing me and not worrying about these men that won't make time....I am all about to continuing to lose my weight, getting a better social life, getting a new job making more money and enjoying life.

I met my new neice, which is so adorable and was able to spend time with my other nephews and neices.  Was sad to leave on Saturday and now this morning I am sitting at work dreaming about the next time I will get a vacation...

On Sunday, I headed back to the gym with my personal trainer.  The session was good and I was feeling good and was suprised that I was not all tired like I usually am after being off for a week...This chick that was there, half my size that was also off for a week, was beat and had to leave early...All I could was smile because I was glad that my endurance is improving so much...I am on my way...2010 is going to be a good year...I can just feel it.

WOW Moment!!!

Dec 17, 2009

Two days ago I had my 4 month post op visit with my Doc and that night before I had some crazy dreams about the when I got up that morning I walked on the treadmil to relieve some stress...well when I got there I had to wait about 20 minutes until I was called...When I got on the scale I was happy when their scale was only a pound their scale said when i talked to the Dr, he asked me if how I was doing and if I had any problems. I asked him if I was on the right track and he said 58 pounds since your surgery...I think you are doing great!!!  So he also reminded me to continue eating right and exercising and it should continue to peel you know I was happy as a this morning, I just couldn't help myself, but I got on the scale and it read 298.5....I wanted to jumped up and do a karate  I have not been in the 200's since I was a teenager...when I say I am truly blessed and happy that I am no longer in the 300s I am so dam happy!!!!!  I don't have another Dr.'s visit until March and thenn he will let me let me know if I am getting the appropiate nutrients...So I am going back to weighing myself once a week and just keep doing what I am doing and try to remain positive...I feel great and starting to look even more fabulous than before!!!


Some Thoughts to Type Out.....

Dec 15, 2009

Lately, I have been really quiet on here b/c I've been getting all my thoughts together and trying to focus on some things. I can not believe this year is almost over....I am so ready for 2010...I just have a feeling that next year will be the  Since my surgery, I have been trying to enjoy normal life....I had Thanksgiving at a friend's house and it was actually good.  I of course took it easy and had a slice of ham and some macaroni and cheese....Even though I only ate half of still was good!  During that holiday break I did manage to catch a cold, spend some time with a friend, watching dvds, working out, and relaxing.....I gotta say I actually had a nice holiday break..I really needed it, b/c my job is driving me absolutely bananas! I am so grateful to have a job, but I am just getting so burned out....Right now I am going through the "what do I want to do for the rest of my life"  So for 2010 I will be on the job search for a new career. 
In just a few hours I have an appt with my Dr...and for some reason I am nervous as hell.  I have been for the most part following the rules, exercising, taking all my vitamins, and stuff....but I just hate getting weighed on their scale is the bomb b/c it finally has read that I have reached my first goal of weighing under 300 pounds, but then when I go to my Dr.'s office there scale will show differently.....of course their scale is atleast 5-7 pounds heavy and that just makes me mad....I have been working so hard before this surgery and after and just don't want to let myself down.  Last night I started having all these nightmares about the Dr. office and woke up this morning wanted to hit the treadmil...My nerves have been shot lately....My train of thinking or dealing with issues has to be so different now that I have this surgery that sometimes has me fustrated....I told myself that I was going to work out like crazy like I did prior to the surgery, but I find myself working out to relieve some stress....When I come home from work...I am fustrated b/c of my job....then work out to keep from feeding my face....come home, shower, eat dinner, and pass out....Everything to me used to solved by shoving food in my mouth and now I have to find other outlets....Since my money has been funny, I really can't go out like I want to....and still trying to some type of social life...things have been kind of up and down...What I am going to do in 2010 is start going to those support groups atleast twice a just sucks that its across town and traffic is crazy during the time it starts....but I think I need to be around folks that are going through the same thing I am going through....I try and talk to my friends about it, but they truly do not understand how I feel right now.....I am so blessed to have had this surgery, but I am still trying to work out the things that are going on inside of me...I look in the mirror and do see some changes, but think its not working like everyone who have had this....I always thought I was a pretty chick that was just a big girl up until the last few years when I really let myself least in my eyes.....Right now I am trying to get my self esteem back in check...but its a battle everyday...I see the changes, I see the inches going away, scale's number decreasing, but in the mirror I still see this fat girl that never got asked out on a real date in a long long time, that got rejected by practically every boy that I liked, being called names and feeling like I was not good enough since I was a fat girl....It just sometimes takes a toll on me...I know I am good enough and just as fine as any skinny chick out there, but after years of being called names and being criticized...sometimes its just makes you a little bit more know..
I know one thing I wish I can just learn how to let go....of one thing inparticualr...I need to face the face that it will never be and just learn to let go...but its so hard...after you are used to having someone/something in your life for so long you tend to want to hold on no matter how bad the situation is or how its not doing abosutely nothing for you but causes you heartache and pain...I just pray that God gives me the strength to let go all the negativity, start living life, and learn to let go and realize that life is too short to linger on things that I do not have control over.

A Rainy Day Thought.....

Nov 10, 2009

I have't been on in awhile so I figured that I would just catch everyone up on whats been  going on with me....Things have been going well with me. My scale has finally moved and I am losing again...but at times I am afraid to post it b.c my scale sometimes has a mind of its own...I move it one place and its one weight and move it another and its another number...Last week I took it to work to make sure my weight read the same as it did home on a much more level surface and it did...Well since I am PMSing I will not be weighing myself until next week...Things are going wel with working out with my personal trainer...I am able to do more without my back hurting and me being all sore..  My clothes are starting to hang off of me and I am using belts like crazy.....I can not wait to buy new clothes that fit my body better.
Work is work....I went from a dept of 4 of us now down to two by the end of the month...I am just so burned out from my job and feel so unappriecated...I thank the Lord that I have a job, but just trying to find my purpose in life right now...
Still single....I really need to get out more and mix and mingle, but I am broke and not trying to spend anything money until after the new year....
I would be nice to have a date and be taken out sometime or another....its been so long that I probably would act like some desperate female that never interacted with a

Well let me go work out....

Venting Part 2: Things I Miss...

Oct 29, 2009

What I am missing:

Suasage Egg & Cheese Croisant from Burger King (I used to have two of them)
Daily e-mails from a certain someone
Greasy Hash Browns From Burger King
Daily Phone calls from a certain someone
10 peice Mild Wings from Taco Mac with Extra Blue Cheese
Being Hugged by a man
French Fries from any fast food place
Being kissed from a certain someone
Pepperoni Pizza from Pizza Hut (Cheese Lovers)
Getting my drink on with my friends
Bread Sticks (5 or more)
Sleeping in (just can't seem to do that anymore)
Philly Cheese Steak (From Philly of course)
Getting my grub on at resturants with my friends and eating until we can't move
Nachos (extra cheese and sour cream)
BBQ Chips
Fried Chicken (From my mom or from pop'peyes)
Cookies (chocolate Chips)
Greasy Chicken Cheesesteak  from Dave & Busters
Talking on the phone all night with my crushes until one of us fell asleep
IHop Hashbrown skillet with side of pancakes
Living in Hawaii
Pancakes from Mcdonalds
Hanging out with my best friends when I used to live in PA
My Grandmothers
Chicken Fingers Platter from Gutheries
Laying on the beach enjoying the sun
Onion Rings from Bahamas Breeze
Endless Shrimp from Red Lobster
Cheese Biscuits from Red Lobster

Why is it I miss more food than moments/people...hmmmm

1 comment

Venting Part 1

Oct 26, 2009

Last night I just felt lonely and got mad really mad went to bed mad and woke up in the middle of the night mad and upset...lately I have been focusing on my surgery and really haven't felt this way in a few yesterday I got so mad that I have been single for sooo boyfriend, no friends with benefits, no potentials...nothing...I am so mad that these chicken heads can walk around here with no moral values, home training, or goals and can get a man..and here I am single...I am just plain sick of it..

I am not trying to settle for less, but at times I start to double think things... I used to drown my feeling with food..but since the surgery I have to find other things to do.

I am a good woman and why are these guys such jerks...why are they only tryig to sleep with me and not put in the work..I am tired of these lazy, jacked up, dumb-ass men..

Prime example:
This sorry dude has been "supposely" trying to get with me for the longest, but he rather work all darn day and night than to take me out...but yet he is quick to try and come over to my crib and try to lay around...Nope...I nipped that in the bud years ago..I have been telling him that if he is not ready to be foreal than do not contact me...this dude keeps contacting me, but still wants to act the same yesterday, I was chatting with him and he mentions how he wants to see me..I say well you still owe me a date...a date he has been promising for months...he just at that point I am like why am I still wasting my time with his crappy dude that odviously will not I told him again..he wasn't ready to deal with a woman like me..and just left him alone...I am so done with him..  First off he has no type of conversation and I am tired of trying to pull one out of him...tired of his text, which thank goodness he has stopped texting me with dumbness!  I really wanted to give him a chance b/c he was a guy with no kids, has a job, and seems like he got goal..but is a social retard when it comes to women.  so I pray I never contact him or he contacts me again!!!
It just really bothers me from time to time that I have no love life..I realize that I am not the only one that is going thru this b/c I have several friends that are single..meaning no boyfriend, but yet have "friends"...

Then I started thinking that this is not where I want to in my career...I have to start making moves b/c the place where I am at now is not a place I want to die at...I want to make more money and feel appreciated..I am tired of fighting with these darn reps about the same thing..tired of the BS...just plain fed up...

Just had to vent real quick

Its just so hard for me dealing with this surgery with my emotionals are every which way..I don't regret this surgery at all, but it just seems like my emotions are on overload lately..and its really hard for me to break this wall that I built when it comes to guys ever since I got my heart broken, but I guess I never fully got over it...I tell myself to just let it go and just forget about him, but I guess its hard because we still talk...not as often as we used to, but we still do talk.  At times I want to just scream b.c how is it that I still love this man that does not feel the same about me.  I have no one else to occupy me so that I can completely forget about him...
I am just tired of getting hurt over foolishness..I try to be nice, but men don't want that...try to be mean...but then I am too darn I just step back and say I just don't I close myself off...I just want a man to pamper me, freak me until I go to sleep, and then cook me something to eat...I want a man to kiss me like I am the only chick on earth...I really just want to be held...just let me cry in his arms as he hold me tight for as long as I want....thats what I miss...being held...the intimacy...haven't been held in a very long time...I am just tired of feeling invisible or that my feelings don't mean anything...


Getting Back To My Normal Routine...

Oct 13, 2009

I went to Dr. office on Friday and of course their scale is about 5/6 pounds heavier than mines so to them I only lost 31 pounds, but mines is showing at 38 pounds.  The Dr. said that I was doing good and say that I would reach plateaus when I switch food stages and stuff like that.  I did manage to get a B-12 shot and told me that I can give them to myself and wrote me a perscription...We shall see how that go.  The rest of that weekend was kind of blah..I did step out of my food stage and ate some macroni salad and my body didn't reject it that day...but that next morning when I had it my stomach was jumping and had the runs for a few...I guess my body was like its too early to be having this crap.  I just didn't feel like eating another boiled egg or grits...I wanted something normal.  Well lesson

Well, I went back Yesterday offical began my solid food phase and I am soo happy to be able to eat "normal" food.  I have been meaning to plan my meals moving forward but have been loo lazy to do so.  I did manage to have some mexican yesterday and it was so good.  It felt so different ordering a quesidilla.  I normally would pig out and order a whole bunch of stuff, but this time I did good.  I just order a regular chicken quesidilla and some tortilla chips.  When I got home I split the quesidilla in half and only took out a few chips.  I ate it slow and enjoyed every bite of it.  By the end of the meal I was full and satified.
Yesterday I also met back with my personal trainer that I haven't seen in about 6 weeks.  By the end of the season I felt great.  Granted, he probably took it easy on me, but I still did better than expected.  We mainly did push up, crunches, and arm strengthen, but I felt myself moving around a little more briskfully.  I decided to meet with him on 3x a week and am promising myself not to work myself to death like I did pre surgery.  I was working out like 5-6 times a week with him and it was crazy...My goal is walk the days I don't meet with him during the weekday and relax on Saturday.  My clothes are starting to fit differently, but still can not notice the weight lost.  I  still haven't weighed myself and won't weigh myself until my period is completely over...don't feel like dissapointing myself again. 

About Me
Dunwoody, GA
Surgery Date
Dec 15, 2006
Member Since

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