Just kind of blahhh

Dec 04, 2010

I'm having a hard time right now. I guess I'm bored, but I just don't want to do anything either. I was gonna go to the gym tonight, but I decided to do something else instead. Ok, so it was homework, which is good, but still. I could have done the homework after the gym, and now the gym is closed. I did a little cleaning today, but not like I needed to. I don't even feel like eating.

I'm starting back to work on Tuesday and I'm really anxious. I can't wait to go back so that I can start earning money again and feeling productive and seeing all my clients. But honestly, before I went on FMLA leave, I couldn't wait to get out of there. I just felt so negatively every time I walked in the door. My coworkers have bad attitudes, I feel completely out of place there, and honestly, I have just about zero patience for customers anymore. I don't feel like my month "break" helped much because I didn't get to do anything relaxing or fun, other than go to the beach for one day. Everybody keeps talking about how it must have been a nice vacation, and I just want to smack them and say, what part of major surgery sounds like a vacation to you?!

I'm not usually this grumpy or negative, I'm just feeling really down tonight. I hope that going back to work will make me feel less shitty. I know it's not all bad, it's just a few bad instances that make me feel negative about the whole work environment. I'm also not looking forward to the probing questions about the surgery and how much I've lost and personal stuff. I'm pretty closed off at work. I like to keep my personal business at home.

I'm going to try taking a sleep aid tonight so I can actually get some sleep. I've been up until 5 or 6 am the last week. Even though I'm tired, I just can't sleep. I know that's affecting my mood right now too. Wish me luck. Hopefully I'll be less cranky tomorrow.

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