6 months

May 15, 2011

Here I am and it's been 6 months since surgery. As of my 6 month surgiversary (5/9/11) I was down 110 pounds. Now, 6 days later, I'm down 113. I'm in between a 12 and a 14, and this is the smallest I've been in about 10 years, which is saying something, since I'm only 22.

Food wise I'm doing really really well. I'm able to handle most food just fine, and I've even learned that it is ok to have less than perfectly nutritious food sometimes, just in strict moderation. I feel like I'm on my way to normalcy.

I'm having some head issues lately. Mostly just that my mind cannot catch up with my body. I've lost so much weight so fast and I am stuck in the fat girl mentallity. I look at the clothes I'm about to put on and can't believe they'd ever fit, and then they're too big. I don't even recognize myself sometimes. It doesn't help that my friends and family often don't realize it's me walking up to them until I'm right in front of them. I don't know when I'm going to get it through my head that I'm not huge anymore.

I'm also starting to have friends and family ask if I still want to lose more weight. They say I look good now and if I keep losing I'm going to look too skinny. I'm 5'8" and a size 12/14, which I don't think is anywhere close to too skinny. I guess they're just not used to seeing me like this. I've never been this small as an adult, so it is weird for everybody I suppose.

This brings me to my next thought. I've lost weight extremely rapidly, and I'm still losing really fast. Sometimes I worry about that. Sometimes I feel like it's too good to be true. I think part of me is afraid that since I've lost so rapidly I'll stop losing at any moment and just be stuck where I am. In the same breath, sometimes I worry about if I do reach goal and then keep losing and I get way too small. It's so weird to have such conflicting feelings. I've also been feeling a lot of anxiety and stress about the future. David, my fiance, was just laid off at work and our roommate has been going through some serious drama over which we might be parting ways very soon, so we're extremely uncertain about where we're going to be in the next few months.

Aaaanyway, that's about as much of an update as I have for now. Thanks for reading, and I hope everybody else is doing well!!!

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