Can anyone tell me why?

Jun 21, 2009

Ok, this is a rant post so if you can't deal with the topic stop reading now and move on.  What I am asking about is coming from a black womans point of view....but i'm not saying that anyone from other races don't deal with this.  So here goes.

Why is it that black men think they are complimenting you when they tell you that....you looking a little thick in those jeans....your azz is fat (F-A-T not P-H-A-T) or my personal favorite....you gettin' a little healthy and fillin' out those clothes.  What the hell? 

For years, I have fought with my weight...and just as I FINALLY get comfortable in my own skin I get some azzhole telling me i'm getting fat.  What the hell?  Why can't they just say you look nice? why not just say those jeans look nice.  But no, I have to be reminded that i'm fat.  because instantly I begin to scrutinize my weight and how i look.  I question everything about me yet again.

In my head, I know it's a compliment.  But in my dark side of my mind I am back to the fat woman I was before my WLS.  I get so tired of jumping through that hoop.  Wondering if I will ever totally feel like a human being....without all the doubts and second guesses. 

Men need to realize how the power of thier words affect us....but I doubt they ever will.  Will this vicious cycle EVER end?  I finally told that guy to stop saying anything to me because he was only making my struggle with my weight even worse.  He apologized....tried to explain....but the damage was already done and I told him I didn't want to hear it.

I am so tired....emotionally i'm drained.  This journey is a rough one.  It's almost been 4 years since my surgery and I just don't see where it has helped me.  Yes it has gotten rid of the health issues and made my body change....but it has made me a basket case....never feeling normal for any long periods of time.  Just when I feel a little secure....someone says something to send me back into the abiss.  Can anyone relate to what i'm talking about?  Guess i've gotten this rant out of my system...thanks for listening.  Talk to you soon.

M

1 Comment