FourMyBoysandMe

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It's been close to two months since I last posted. Today is my 7 month surgiversary! Today I weighed in at 177.4!! That makes me down 79 pounds since surgery, down 119 total! I feel amazing, and am so happy. I've been struggling a lot, recently, with food choices. It is SO easy to fall back into old habits. I keep reminding myself why I made this life change, and find ways to stay motivated, but if there is one thing I know, it is that I will always struggle with food. I just pray that this surgery has allowed me to have the upper hand for once. I can't believe I'm in the 170's! My brain still automatically puts a "2" in front of my weight, so I keep thinking 270's...the fact that it's a "1" is just so crazy to me. I keep setting goals for myself, so far i have reached my first two (be down 100 pounds by my birthday 3/31 - reached it! And weigh 180 by my husband's college graduation, 6/7 - reached it!). So my next goal is to be 160 by August 29. We're going to Disneyland with the whole family then. At this point I feel like that is VERY reachable for me, but I set the bar lower just in case I start losing slower at this point. I am still, ever so grateful, for the new life RNY has given me.

That's right, folks, I am wearing SIZE 10 PANTS!! I have been wearing 14's since January I think, and they've been getting a bit loose. I decided I would run into Old Navy today and see how the 12's fit. I fully expected them to be tight, but they went on SUPER easy! So easy, in fact, that I just had to try on a pair of 10's, because I wanted to see how much further I had to go to fit in them. Well, they got right on as well!! With only the smallest muffin top. I passed right over the 12's and am in 10's! I haven't worn a 10 since 2005. I was so ecstatic I nearly started crying in the dressing room. I still can't believe it, I actually keep looking at the tag, LOL! I put the SIZE 10 sticker from my pants on my fridge to help keep me motivated when I feel like sneaking something I don't need. I am only 5 months out, and motivated, but I know how easy it is to slip into old habits, and I think one of the keys to staying on track is not trusting myself! Anyway, nothing is going to wipe this smile off my face today..LOVING life as a size 10!!! Next up for me? Single digits!!

So today I am 5 months out from surgery, down 63 pounds from day of surgery, down 103 pounds from my high weight last summer. I am feeling absolutely amazing and do not regret my decision to have RNY. I have completed the Couch to 5K program, run in two 5K's, swim 1/4 mile 1-2 times a week at my gym pool, go for miles-long bike rides, and am just all around much more active than I've ever been in my life. I always feel the need to be moving! It's a great feeling.

I think the biggest struggle is still the mental aspect. Mentally, I am still a fat girl who loves food WAY too much. Most days I am all right, but every now and then I get hit with the desire to just eat EVERYTHING. I wouldn't say I got a "high" from bingeing in the past, but it was giving me something, it was filling me, literally and psychologically; it was comforting me. Last night I was overcome with the need to pig out, so I made myself go to bed at 8pm. 8PM!! But that's what I had to do to remove myself from the situation. I went to bed planning to make a giant dirt cake today and eat the whole thing. But you know what? I woke up this morning, and the need was gone. I know that if I distract myself long enough, it will pass. it always does. And it feels SO much better than waking up in the morning, feeling sick, bloated and hating myself for making all the wrong food choices the night before, (prior to surgery, this is how i felt EVERY day). I am so thankful not to be on that hopeless path any longer!

I go back for my 6 month post op visit on May 7, and I would love to lose another 10 pounds by then to really blow away my surgeon's office. Hopefully I can do it! Planning to just keep up my fitness routine and find some fun new ways to get my protein in.

I am loving this new life, and don't ever want to go back! Oh! One more AMAZING thing: Last night I got on my first pair of size 12 pants!!! OMG! I really can't remember the last time I wore size 12's, it has to have been in 2005. I am wearing them today and don't even care about the muffin top - they're size 12, ya'll!! :-D

For fun, here is a face comparison after losing 100 pounds. The pic on the left was taken July 4th, 2013, and the pic on the right was March 31, 2014.

Best birthday present ever!! I am 100 pounds lighter than I was last year!

I haven't updated in a couple weeks, so thought I'd just pop in. This morning I am officially 3 months out, I weighed in at 216.2 (i was 256 the morning of surgery, and my high weight was 296), so I am down a total of 80 pounds for the most part. Super stoked about that!  I didn't lose as fast this month, maybe 10-11 pounds I think? HOWEVER, I started the Couch to 5K program this month and I have been gaining leg muscle like nobody's business, so I think this may be the reason for my slower loss. The cool part though is that I know i am losing inches. I am in a solid size 14, but I've been this weight before and was NOT in a size 14, so I owe that all to the inches melting away from all the running I'm doing. That's exciting!! I am heading into my fourth month excited, motivated to keep on keepin' on, and I believe in myself now more than I ever have before. Three months ago today I was so nervous and uncertain if what I was doing was the best choice for me. Now I am quite certain it was. I am so very thankful for my RNY.

Yesterday I was getting dressed, and I decided to go into my bin that has all of my 14 and smaller sized pants. I figured it was a long shot, but I wanted to see how far away I was from fitting in a pair. Well...to my wonderful and great surprise, the first pair of jeans I tried on FIT!!! My mom bought them for me, I'm guessing at least 4 years ago. Definitely before my third son was born, and I had never been able to wear them, they still had their tags on! I could have screamed for joy! I had a bit of a muffin top, but nothing ridiculous. I still can't believe it...I'm wearing a size 14!!! Ahh that's so insane to me! That's such a "normal" size to wear! I am so thankful every day that I had RNY. I have been truly blessed by this surgery and it has bettered my life in so many ways. Last week, my husband (who never notices ANYTHING), mentioned FOUR TIMES how good I was looking, and that my curves were really getting defined. One day he even stopped and said, "Whoa, you look hot!" Me?! Hot?!! Amazing. I am so happy.

On December 31st I started the Couch to 5K program, and today I began my third week of it. It is definitely pushing me, but I have found that the more weight I lose, the more i enjoy pushing my body. It feels good! My motto has become "I can do this! I can do this!" I am trying to quiet the negative thoughts that still live in my brain. There is no room for them anymore! :-D

I've been feeling kind of discouraged lately, I just didn't feel like I was losing like I should be, and I was worried that I had hit a stall. Well, this morning I stepped on the scale and saw that I am officially in the 220's!! 229.8 to be exact. The last time I weighed this, well, I don't even know exactly when it was, but definitely over 3 years ago. It's kind of crazy. I only spent 18 days in the 230's and now they're gone. Hopefully forver, but like I saw a poster say once, never say "this weight is gone forever!" Because I know i have a disease - chronic obesity. I have a tool now to help me lose weight and control my eating, but to be so naive as to pretend I could never gain this weight back would only be harming myself. So I hope to never see these numbers again. I hope that as I continue down this path of losing weight, that I will healthy habits that will become a part of my regular schedule, and that I will learn to resist temptations, and find healthy outlets for stress. I am loving the way that I feel, I am loving that fact that every week I can fit into "new" clothes (that have been in my closet for years but were always too small). I am loving the way my slimmer body is looking, and the confidence I am gaining because of it. I am planning to start doing the Couch to 5k program, as I would like to start running - something that's always seemed way too difficult and impossible for me, especially when I was almost 300 pounds, but I'm beginning to believe I might be able to do it. Wouldn't that be something!

Tomorrow I will be 5 weeks post op and things are going GREAT! As of this morning I weighed in at 239.8!! I am officially in the 230's!! I have not weighed this amount since May 2011! I feel fantastic, I have more energy and feel more confident in my body with every passing day. I am having so much fun going through my closet and being able to wear clothes that I haven't worn in years. It is seriously so amazing and I am so very happy that I had RNY. I have yet to experience nausea, vomiting, or any of those nasty things that can happen. i feel so fortunate and grateful! I don't really have trouble getting my protein in, I usually have a protein shake every day to help me reach my target, but I have consistently gotten in my 80g of protein, and all my liquid, which feels good. Life is good and I can't wait to see where I'll be one, three, six months down the road!

Tuesday will be three weeks post op, which is so crazy for me to believe. This whole thing seemed to take forever, then it was like BOOM, I'm approved, October 5th they called me and set my surgery date for November 5th, and now here I am. I am thankful to not have had any complications to speak of, or any nausea/vomiting. I feel very blessed and thankful to my surgeon! This 3 week liquid diet has been the hardest part of the journey to speak of so far, and it's really not that bad. Just boring. Hopefully my nutritionist and surgeon will approve me to move onto my next food phase which will be soft foods, so I should be able to enjoy more "normal" foods on Thanksgiving, yay!

The biggest struggle for me now, as it has always been, is the mental aspect. Mental hunger. Wanting to eat everything! I want to binge so bad, like I used to, but I can't now. I know that's why I got this surgery, so that I would have this tool to prevent me from falling off the wagon and going the way I used to go, so this is the part I just need to work through, but I can tell it's not going to be easy. Praying I can do it. Before surgery I made a list of about 36 reasons why I was getting RNY, and the other day when I was feeling really down and missing food (which sounds so pathetic to me, but is true), I read over it again, and it really helped remind me why I am doing this.

Anyway, not much new, just thought I should update where I'm at mentally in this. Oh, and as of this morning I weighed in at 248.6, so I lost the 14 pounds of fluid from surgery, PLUS, 7.5 pounds of fat. 21.5 pounds gone, total. I've also gone down two pants sizes. I was a snug 20 on the day of surgery, and the other day I put on a pair of 16's that were in my closet. I have a little bit of a muffin top, but they fit!! I've also worked out every single day since surgery. I am feeling good, and I am proud of myself. Yay! Now, onward and upward! (Or downward, in this case) ;)

Well I made it to the other side and am at home recovering! Surgery went great, and there have been no complications to speak of, thank you Lord. All things considered, I feel pretty good. The gas pain has been the worst, and it is dissipating. The pain from the incisions is manageable, and I'm finding each day it gets easier to fit in my water, protein and vitamins. I don't know if anyone even reads this, but figured I'd at least keep a record for myself. I will update again once I'm losing!