FragileStone

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I had my leg ultrasound and blood work Monday. The ultrasound was extremely uncomfortable, but it had to be done. Now I'm just waiting for Dr. Lord's office to call me with good news. My last 2 updates have been at 3 or 4 in the morning. I seem to be having problems sleeping again. I believe that it's due to my nerves and stress, but it may also do with my pain level and also my hunger.... Honestly, tuna isn't doing it for me anymore... but, I got to survive on it until surgery comes. I really don't have much to update on; I've completed all test that I've been told I needed, and also done everything office wise. According to Dr. Lord's staff I only have a pre-op appointment and then I have surgery. I'm nervous, but excited. I know this surgery (RNY) will be the tool that gets me my life back. I just hope it happens soon.... I want my dad to be around to see the woman I'm meant to be. I just hope he gets that chance and that we get to make memories together soon.

I saw Dr. Lord Thursday. I explained my current situation to him and he ordered two more tests (leg ultra sound and blood work) and then.... wait for it.... THEN I GET MY SURGERY DATE!! I go in Monday for both and hope to have a date by the end of next week *fingers crossed*.

Not much has happened since my last Blog entry. I've completed all my pre-tests and appointments. I was indeed able to move my endoscopy up, and had that in Jan. I was extremely nervous and it was made very aware when I got hooked up to the heart monitors. I can't complain though, everyone I came into contact with was extremely nice and the lady in the recovery room even called me twice once I was home to make sure everything was well after the procedure. Ha, she even let me keep the pictures of my insides, LOL, I thought that was pretty awesome. However, The only thing I haven't completed is my 70-100 pound pre-surgery weight loss my surgeon wants me to lose. I must say it hasn't been easy, AT ALL. I hoped the pounds would just melt away once I began following his "rules" (No soda, nothing white, tuna tuna tuna...) and honestly it hasn't. I will be honest and say I do believe a lot of it comes from the fact I am unable to move around as much as I wish I could; but I guess this is how life has to be right now. I see Dr. Lord the 11th of this month, and am going to inform him of my current situation and hope that I will be able to have surgery in May or June. My father has to go into surgery (a operation on his back, as well as he needs a new knee). He is my only source of transportation (reliable source, I should say...) so when he's down for 4-6 weeks at a time I will have no way of getting to and from my appointments until after my surgery when I'm hopefully able to drive again. My dad is unwilling to have surgery until after I have my surgery because he is considered high risk, and if something happens to him I will not only crawl into a cave and never see the light of day, but I will lose Tricare (which he fought for years to get me just so I can have the GPS). I can only hope that Dr. Lord is understanding and is willing to work with me. I've been at this process for 4-5 months now, and hope that one day soon I'll be reclaiming my life.

Well, yesterday (Nov. 4) was my 2 hour class with the dietitian/nutritionists. I was there with an older gentleman named William who was just adorable! But anyway... I lost 27 lbs last month :) YAY! But still so far away from my goal of 70-100 lbs lost before surgery. One thing that is bothering me, is they scheduled my endoscopy for 3/11/2011... I was devastated.... I'm hoping that it was a mistake and that Dr. Lord will tell me they can do it sometime next month... if he doesn't, I may just cry... some more. I think I'm doing real good, I've cut out soda, and sugar/sweets completely. I hope that Dr. Lord sees that I'm trying my hardest when I see him 1 on 1 the 22nd of this month and tells me to get the endoscopy ASAP! I need to get this surgery over so that my dad (who is my main source of transportation) can have his back and knee operated on. He's waiting for me, so I know the surgery needs to get done as soon as possible.

My surgeons office called and gave my dad the good news that TriCare has approved the gastric bypass surgery. That is amazing news... BUT.... at my appointment with Dr. Lord I was devastated when I got on the scale... I was SHOCKED, and embarrassed... I couldn't believe how overweight I had gotten. When talking about the surgery with him, he told me I needed to lose 75-100 pounds before he would perform the surgery on me. I was crushed. I felt like my 3 year battle had been for nothing. Now, I know he didn't say "No, you will not be having this surgery" but in my heart that's what it felt like. I hurt my back while in the office and I've been down for 2 weeks now. But, I have a couple tests next week; blood and an x-ray I believe. Then when I go back to see him he will slip a scope down my throat to look around. I have most of the side appointments at his office in November and early December. I go back to see doctor Lord and get weighed on November 22nd. I'm praying that this diet of salad, tuna, and broccoli is going to pay off... I'm tempted to just do a liquid diet next month just to be safe... I really can't keep living how I'm living. I feel like a big blob who just exists. I'm not "living" I'm simply taking up space, and let me tell you... I'm taking up A LOT of space these days. Sigh.

That's all for now I suppose. Maybe next time I'll have happier news. :(

I finally have my first appointment with Dr. Lord September 21st.  

I can't believe in only four hours I will be on my way to the seminar; it feels like it has taken me forever to reach this point. I know that this is [hopefully] just the beginning, but up until this point I have been a sitting duck. It has taken me five long years to reach this point. Now, all I can do is hope and pray that this will be the first step to where I want and need to be.