Blessed to be stressed.

Sep 07, 2011

This will be my new mantra.  For some reason, I believe my purpose in life it to take on other's stressors while dealing with my own.  For years I have said I would like to go through just one year without and major life changing stressors.  The one thing I asked my family after I had RNY was to allow me to get through my first six months without any major events at home.  Two and a half weeks out, and it was like a self-fulling prophecy:  I came home from work early due to a low energy level.  Thank God I came home early.  The door bell rang (our door bell never rings are we are way out in the boonies and it takes a real effort to get to our home).  I was greeted at the door by our friendly local cop and four people in suits with guns out and a search warrant in hand.  I wont post much about this event here other than to say it was the culmination of a childhood prank that my 21 year old daughter allowed herself to get caught up in.  It has led to her recent arrest (immediately released), her face being all over the news, the immediate loss of the job she loved, serious court dates and implications in her life, and us retaining a very, very expensive Pittsburgh attorney who we cannot afford but don't really have a choice.

During this time my work has become extremely stressful and unfulfilling.  I'm not sure how much of the added stress has been from getting behind on work because of surgery, or how much is from the above situation sort of short-circuiting me, or how much is because I've been doing this work for 10 years and I am really, really burnt out.  I typically have one or two cases out of about 15 that I actually like going to see.  Right now, that doesn't exist.  I literally dread every appointment I go out to every day of the week.

So starting the WLS journey, I promised myself and my family I would put my full effort into this, hit the gym every chance possible, and follow my plan to a tee.  So far the plan is great.  As posted earlier, I won the contest at my gym, which means I did not miss a day for 6 weeks after starting.  Since the arrest I've been averaging 1-2 days at the gym, because the scheduling of the gym with all of the other appointments has just not been happening.  It upsets me that this is the part of my whole plan that has been slacking because I've made it a priority, and life stressors have squished that for a few weeks.  The arrest happened the day of my 3 month follow up appointment (which was really at 3 1/2 months).  It happened literally as I was running late for my appointment.  Agents called me and I had to go out and prepare my daughter for being arrested, while I had to continue to my surgeon's appointment.  I knew she would be released that day (at least I was trusting they were telling me the truth).  The appointment went well and fast (got my lab results that day which were fantastic), and raced back to get to the courthouse in time to get there as she was walking out. 

So knowing that physically I'm doing great and my love ones are healthy and I have work and my husband has work... I am blessed to be stressed.

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