Keep calm and carry on?

Sep 30, 2015

Well, September wasn’t the best month for me. Food wise, I’ve noticed I’ve started to emotionally eat again so about mid-month I ran around the house with a garbage bag and threw out everything that could be a temptation. I haven’t really done any exercising in the last month either. I went for two runs, and that was it. My weight is holding the same and right now I’m okay with that. I do want to lose another 25 lbs, but my focus right now has been on my family rather than myself. If I can do that 25 between now and February (18 months since surgery) I’ll be ecstatic but that does require me carving back time for me.
My sister’s health is doing very poorly. She finished her first round of chemo, but picked up a terrible infection and has been in hospital for two weeks now. Because they are unable to control the infection and release her, she is unable to start her next round of chemo. I fear that her timeline will be much shorter than we all originally anticipated.
I have been spending as much time with her an my family as I can, but it’s hard to find the balance when I work full time, I am trying to take care of myself, I am trying to have personal relationships, and support my family emotionally and domestically when they live a 2 hour drive away. My niece and nephew are having a very hard time with this. It’s so hard with my niece because I was her age when I lost my mum and I still have “I miss my mum” moments 15 years later.
I have started to see a therapist (thank goodness for my awesome medical from work!) so I’m hoping that will help hold me together a bit better over the next while. I went to the mall tonight to pick up a couple things and nearly broke down crying because some stores have Christmas decorations in them and I might not have my sister for this one.

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