free2believe

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I've lost five pounds since my last post and again the scale keeps going up and down with even that five pounds. It's very discouraging to me because I find myself falling into the same rut of negitive thinking - I want to give up! I want to go eat whatever ... and give up ... 

NOT TO MENTION - my hormones are completely out of whack!! I am so emotional these days, I cry for no reason, laugh for no reason, etc. I got my period again but now it comes when it shouldn't. I had it a month ago and then got it again two weeks later. 

So ... today ... I'm feeling a little down. Hopefully next time - I'll be feeling better with some positive news! 

I haven't lost anymore weight - I feel like I'll be stuck forever at the 185 mark. I go up and down a few lbs here and there but it always winds up back on 185 and I'm really sick of it. I even got a job and have been walking more and more and so this doesn't make any sense. It's frustrating, I'm sure eveyone goes thru it at some point but - I want to get over this hump so I can keep on keeping on .... grrr....

Well I've finally uploaded some pictures. I was hesitant because I wasn't sure if the results were visable to everyone - but when I put the pictures side-by-side like this - I can really see difference! My double chin and tummy are finally beginning to shrink. I am feeling so much better - I have energy now and I don't even have to drink coffee anymore! 

I finally had my first fill - I missed two prior appointments, but finally I made it last week. It took my surgeon SIX TIMES one time he even bent the needle because he hit the metal on my port. My girlfriend went along with me for moral support - she said that by the time he was done she felt like she was going to throw up! 

This is also the same friend whom has informed me that I've cheated to lose weight. I don't understand why she can't just be happy for me. I've tried over and over to explain this surgery to her. I've pled my case - which I would normally never do, but she is one of my closest friends - that's why this is especially painful to me. 

Otherwise, life is good - I am so happy with my decision. I feel sorry for people who are trapped in their own bodies, like I was. I feel like I wasted too many years being fat - why did I wait so long? I am so thankful for my opportunity - I would do this surgery again in a heartbeat if I had to, I have no regrets -- only hope for the future!

I am 5 weeks post-op and am really feeling great these days and I can sleep on my stomach again!
I have minimal pain where my port is [sometimes] I wonder if that's normal. I was supposed to go see the surgeon yesterday, but I woke up late ... couldn't remember what time my appointment was [I had changed purses and lost my reminder card] so by the time I got through to someone [they didn't take the phones off answering service for 20 mins. after they opened] and they checked my appointment time - it was too late. I would have never made it in time, so I asked if I could call back to see if their were any cancellations but of course that wasn't an option and of course I can't get in again for another two weeks. Yesterday was supposed to be my first fill - I was so disappointed, I cried. I told my mom - I've gone through all of this and have yet to see any results, I just want to finally see something for my efforts thus far, but I guess that's just not how it's gonna work - I'm just gonna have to work harder!

I had the flu - my husband came down with similar symptoms the next day and now my children are complaining about their stomachs too. Well atleast now I know it wasn't associated with the Lap-band - like everyone was trying to convince me of. O well.

I had an 'episode' Fri. night - The ER doctor seems to feel that it was associated with my Lapband - I am uncertain.

I felt nausea most of the day on Fri. but was able to continue eating and drinking normally. Later I woke at 2:45 am to myself gagging. I went to the bathroom and expected to vomit but instead I heaved and nothing came up. I did this for 4 more hours until finally my husband took me to the ER. When I checked in, the ER dr. gave me a shot in the butt to stop the nausea. It only helped a little. I continued to get sick. I was discharged fromt he ER and told to follow up w/my surgeon. Finally I was so exhausted I passed out at about 7 am. 

He thinks I either ate too much or something irrated my stomach to the point of causing it to spasm hmm... I have never heard of such a thing. It was horrible and I'm scared to death of that happening again. I lost my voice from heaving so hard and still feel terrible today but 
O well ...carrry on. 

I saw my surgeon on Thurs. he was going to give me a fill already I was so surprised, however, I was NOT 100% healed and he said he couldn't do it yet. I go back in two weeks for my first fill - I'm so excited. 

I am doing good. I am excited to be this far with minimal complications. 
I am ready to begin the real work so that I can start to see some more results. I have not lost any additional weight despite the fact that I have been walking daily. I am careful of what I eat and try and keep my *eyes on the prize* 

I feel almost 100% - My scars are healing nicely. The surgeon used glue and I like the results so far. I have occasional trouble w/the bowels but I believe in time my body will adjust. I weighed myself today and I could not believe that I was under 200! I have not been under 200 since 1999 the year I got pregnant w/my twins. I swore to myself when I was gaining weight that I would never get over 200 lbs - so this is a benchmark for me. So 199 lbs. and counting - I'm actually eating real food already, I had to - I was hungry.  I heard you have to eat to lose and I think that really has helped me -  I eat a little bit all day long but it's much smaller amounts than I would typically have eaten, my body never really starves. I've noticed not drinking w/meals is helping me to feel full longer too. I am so happy I did this lapband - I don't regret any of it. I dream of the day I'll reach my goal weight. Well that's my update for now - I'll try and write soon.

Well ... I'm not sure if it was the Prune Juice, the laxative, the walking or if it was a combination of all of them, but I'm feeling much better. Yikes!
My kids came home last night and I'm so happy to see them, however, I forgot how much work they were ... lol. [6 year old twins, 2 year old and our 12 year old son] Today it's beautiful outside so we went to the park and for a little walk, but then I was tired and wanted to come  home and lie down. I wish I had more energy. I think it will come in time. I am already thinking about my first fill - I want more restriction, because I feel like I am eating too much - but I'm not sure what normal is - obviously I don't really have anything to compare it to. I"m in the mushy stage right now, I admit I am NOT eating pureed foods from the blender. My incisions are healing, I am moving around mostly pain-free and feel relieved to be getting better, now I want to focus on LOSING these ugly pounds! That's all for today.

P.S. I gained ONE pound back! I'm so mad!

Well if you had asked me yesterday - I would have told you that I was recoverying and had no major complaints - that was yesterday! Today I'll tell you how miserably constipated I am! I can't remember the last time I ever felt like this - I don't know why I feel like this though, I've had no solids & I've been taking fiber everyday! This has been a horrible day - one for the books - I'll try to write tomorrow - hopefully everything is back to normal!

Yesterday went well for the most part. I still have pain which I know is normal. I still have gas which is normal. I'm still not hungry although last night for the first time - I started to miss food. I have been on liquids and doing good. I seem to be tolerating everything just fine. My only real complaint is the coughing - Oh MY - it hurts so bad. I can't tell if I'm getting sick or if this too is normal. Last night my husband made dinner and it smelled so good and then he called my oldest son to the table and didn't call me. He told me that - he thought it would be rude since I can't eat. I told him that it hurt my feelings that he didn't call me to the table. I'm still part of this family and just because my eating habits have changed nothing else has too. I was very offended and even cried. He also got angry w/me because one of HIS friends came over to visit me [2 days I've been out of the hospital] I looked like crap, I feel like crap and I didn't want any visitors - DUH! He had the nerve to tell me that in a real world - that's what friends do ... I don't know if I'm wrong or if he was but in any event his friend should have CALLED - is that too much to ask?! I mean come on! So that was my yesterday. 

Last night was good, I slept 6 straight hours - which was wonderful but then I woke up in ALOT of pain cuz it had been 7 hours since my last dose of pain medication - ouch! Anyhow ... I took it and I"m feeling much better - I'll probably try and go back to bed now. I"ll write more later .... 

P.S. I know I'm just supposed to be resting and healing right now, but I couldn't resist weighing in ... I've lost 9lbs so far! I am so happy!