free4ever
My story isn't spectacular but here it is.
I wasn't heavy my whole life, I was a very healthy, attractive teenager. I was a size 4/5 with the envious washboard stomach and about 112lbs. 
I was popular and outgoing with so much life to live and experience. Unfortunately my maturity didn't catch up my mind yet. I made some poor choices and ended up pregnant at 18 and married a very abusive man. Depression sat in on my second pregnancy and I was trapped in a body I hated and a house and with a man that didn't love me, instead he stripped me of my identity. No friends, no car, no job, pregnant and a toddler running around. This wasn't the life I dreamed of.
After several more years I had a third child and we moved to Virginia. Things never got better instead they got worse and a few years later my fourth daughter came and my last. 
By this time my weight had ballooned to the heaviest ever and I was so discouraged, something more for my husband to abuse me with.. 
I remembered my mother when I was growing up, always heavy since I can remember and food was such an addiction to her, but not me.. yea right.. who was I fooling.
My mother had 2 failed marriages and because of that I was so determined not to have a failed marriage, but it wasn't until I went through 
14 years of hell and abuse did I realize that I couldn't make him love me and respect me and I can't save our marriage single handed.
Then and only then did I pick myself up, my four daughters and move on, I started fresh and new and on my own.. I got a job, an apartment and a car(minivan).. I even got a bank account and a credit card..I also lost 60 lbs in the process and guess what, I found my identity and after about a year I began looking for friends, which lead me to my current husband and two more children (step). 
Although my husband shows me great love and how to have fun I have gone through some tough times. I gained back my weight and much much more. I am currently heavier now than I have ever been in my life and the weight brought friends, high blood pressure and the beginning stage of congestive heart failure. Wow, never thought I would be here either. What happened and what is going on?
Well, my mom is still heavy and now she is in renal kidney failure, this means in order for her to live she has dialysis 3 days a week, to add to this she is in the process of scheduling open heart surgery with many blockages. So, thinking to myself, is this where I am going? The answer is simple... YES!!!! 
I have decided to pull myself together, I am working on healing relationships and I am back in school to become a nurse and I am working F/T. Although my schedule is crazy and we are a very modest family I know with hard work and determination I can do this for me, to save my life. I finally have decent insurance and I decided to go for it, surgery that is. I know radical choice, but I have really thought and researched and prayed about it. I am ready and excited and feeling a bit impatient for the end results. 
Just looking in disgust at my abused unhealthy body makes me sad, but it also makes me want to learn from bad choices and appreciate where I am going and never wanna look back. All I can think is I wanna live, I wanna breathe, I wanna run and play, I wanna smile and feel good, no more aches and pains, no more high blood pressure, I wanna be able to reach and bend without major effort, cross my legs, and have confidence in myself and maybe get an occasional whistle or compliment from some complete stranger...
This is my journey.. more to come..
