Lemons

Feb 03, 2009

“Sometimes life gives you lemons”.  We have all heard that haven’t we?  Well life often does give us lemons, and even when we try to make lemonade, we just cannot make it taste good!  My Dad passed away last October, and that really SUCKS!  He was my go to man.  When I didn’t know what to do, I always knew I could talk to Dad and get another perspective and useful advice.  Now what am I supposed to do?  I guess it was time for me to figure these things out on my own, but 4 months later I still MISS HIM TERRIBLY!

TO make matters worse, I was not even there when he passed away.  My wife and I decided to move to Flagstaff Arizona where I was accepted into a graduate school.  We thought this opportunity would open some doors for us.  Classes had been in session for nearly half the semester, when I got the call.  “Dad is not doing well, but the Dr. and Nurses feel that there is no reason to hurry home.  We will re-evaluate him in the morning and decide what treatment will work best for him.”  I can handle that.  It was a Thursday night and I expected to leave Friday after class to be with him and see him through this.  Not an hour later another phone call…  “Dad is gone!.”  Funny how we find eloquent ways to say most things, but there is no way to nicely say your Dad has died.  I was in the car with my wife and baby girl.  No tears came!  I did not need to pull over and sob…  I said “OK…  I’ll come in tomorrow.”  That was it!!!  Am I am animal? 

I realize now that I was in shock, because eventually my brain processed the information and I cried.  I realized that my Father the man responsible for my life, my best advisor and the one man I trusted more than I trusted myself, was gone!  I missed a week and a couple of days of school and work.  When I returned to Flagstaff, I had no drive to continue.  I remained behind in my classes for a week or two.  My ambition was gone!  Then I realized that if my Dad was sitting there with me, he would have smacked me in the head and told me to get my butt in gear!  He would not want me to quit over this, but to strive to be my best in spite of this trying time.  I got caught up in my school work, and ended up with a 4.0 GPA.  I still miss him terribly and find that I sometimes need to step away from my responsibility as a student, and sulk for a little while.  I always get back on the ball and move on.

I know my Dad was proud of me, because he told me so.  He was impressed with my 270 lbs weight loss, and my determination to build a life for my wife and child.  I hope I succeed, because I know he is watching me…  I would hate to let him down!

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