gaylancsu

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I'm going to bust it!  The weight has been SOOOO slow moving this summer- like it just stopped (not litteraly since I have recorded a loss, however small, every month at the Dr- but WAY TOO SMALL).

So I'm trying to shock my metabolism into action.  800 calories/day, added exercize... 5 days.  I can do this.  I'm just a few weeks out from my bandiversary and I want to see that scale moving again!

800 calories/day even with restriction is really hard though, at least it is for me.  I guess if I just ate 4 oz of grilled chicken 6 times a day I wouldn't feel so hungry- but I might hurt someone, so I'm trying to keep it varied. 

I'm so tired of being over 250 pounds (hey it is better than the 330 I was this time last year, but still). 

Trying to stay positive....

I am SOOOO tired of seeing numbers in the 260's on that darn scale.  My body is changing, my clothes are getting smaller (bought all new size 20 shorts/capris/crops for summer... can't remember the last time I wore 20's.. started this journey in VERY tight 28's).  Hopefully this weekend I'll see something new.  My scale does weird things to me anyways... last weekend I stepped on it Sunday morning no less than 6 times in 30 minutes (no intake, no output) and it read 6 different weights.  That will really mess with your head.

I stopped updating my ticker daily and go week to week, so even though the scale yesterday said 262.something I didn't change it, darn scale, who knows what it will decide this weekend.

It's werid too to see so many people starting this journey weighing less than I do now, after 7 months and nearly 70 pounds... I feel so good about myself despite still being morbidly obese... I guess I need to feel this way though or I'd get frustrated and what not.

So far in this journey I have learned:
Stay positive, regardless of what the scale says
LIVE life, do new things, try new things
Food is my friend, it's not the enemy, I can still enjoy it (just not Extreme amounts of it)
Don't compare your loss to anyone else's... we're all different, we all manage this process differently, do what's right for you

I don't know what it is I am just so BLAH.  Weight loss has slowed, it's picking up some, and I'm trying to get more active, but it's not the excitedment of the first 5 months.  I'm not even that worried about that.

My husband and I are both in grad school, and it's a bit consuming, especially for him.  I'm just NOT into it this semester.  I have 3 things left to do... one is moving along, the other 2 I haven't started and it's all due in less than 2 weeks.

It's Saturday evening and I am at the library.  I've been here over 2 hours and have not accomplished anything.  That in itself is depressing.

We have been trying to sell our house and buy a new one before the tax credit expired, I thought I had found "the" house, but my husband sees things wrong with it, yeah it needs work, and it may be really expensive work, but the idea of moving has kept me excited.  Now that the tax credit is about to expire and we haven't sold our house I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to.  

I know this seems really whiney, but it's my blog and if I want to endulge myself in whining I guess it's my perogative.  I'm normally a pretty happy person, but I guess sitting in a library on a Saturday afternoon/evening will do that to a girl.

My birthday is this week too, but because of school we can't even plan anything to do, I usually love my birthday but this year it just means I'm older, that we're almost to the end of the tax credit and no one bought my house (somehow makes me feel like I lost $6500) and I get to go to class on my birthday night and I have an assignment due that I haven't started and instead of working on it, I'm writing miserable crap on my blog.

uggghhhh

5 Months since surgery.

5th fill today

Down 55 pounds

I'm thinking I need to play the 5's in lotto tomorrow.  

When I was leaving the doctor's office today they said someone in the waiting room wanted to meet me.  Fellow OH Bandster Amy heard the receptionist say "Gayla" was heading out and waited to meet me.  It was very cool to meet Amy, at her first fill.  

I feel really good about this fill.  Last one was getting close, just wasn't consistent.  She put in another .5cc.  I'm also excited that the weather is warming up some around here because it does inspire me to get out and walk or something.  I really wish I liked to exersize.  I need to get into it somehow, but with work, school and selling this house there's no time.  I'm taking off from school this summer and we'll either be off the market with the house or moved, so hopefully I can build a routine.  I want to get a recumbant bike, but have no where to put it in this house, at least not with the house on the market.  I also love the neighborhood where we want to move and it's shady walking trails.  SOMEONE PLEASE BUY MY HOUSE!!!!

Time to think positive thoughts.  I'm down 55 pounds in 5 months.  I feel better about myself.  I'm fitting into clothes that haven't fit in YEARS... new sizes.  I love my band.

In my life, celebrations have always revolved around eating.  You won something, you eat.  You earned your degree you eat, it's your birthday you eat, anniversaries... family in town... you get the picture.  I don't know how to celebrate without eating.

I wanted a way to celebrate the little milestones with this weight loss and something to remind me of my journey.  So, I started a Pandora charm bracelet.

I got the bracelet with a heart bead that has a pink stone.  The heart represents the gift to myself the surgery represented.  The pink stone is for October, the month where I had my surgery and my new life started.

Every 10 pounds I am going to add a charm. I wear the bracelet most every day as a personal reminder of this journey.

Pink polka dot bead- My first 10 pounds, it happened so quickly I barely noticed it go by

silver purse with pink stone - 20 pounds... I hit 23 within the first 2 weeks but then bounced back to 18 when I actually started eating again... the next 2 took a while, but I got there.

Green dotted bead- 30 pounds and I picked green cause I hit this in December so it's Christmasy, sorta

silver rose- 40 pounds, what girl doesn't like to get roses?  I hit 40 in January 2010... great new year and glad I didn't have to wait until the new year to start this journey

The Journey
I can’t believe that it’s been 6 weeks. Since deciding to move forward with surgery in the middle of August, everything has gone by so fast. First doctor’s appt was August 20, by the end of the next week I had completed all of my pre-op testing and screening (labs, barium swallow, EKG, psych eval and nutrition visit). By the middle of September my date was set.. October 8… and then the real stressing began.   While I wanted to do this, the thought of the actual surgery scared me. I’d never had surgery before, so the needles and anesthesia and operating room freaked me out.   After a couple of minor meltdowns (Ok the time I called Heath from the car at lunch hyperventilating may not have been so minor) it was time for surgery.    Week of surgery I sprained my knee. I got so scared when I couldn’t walk that Monday that my knee was going to require surgery of its own and mess this whole thing up, but it was just a sprain (that 6 weeks later STLL bothers me).   

The Surgery Day
The morning of surgery there wasn’t really time to get too worked up. At the hospital at 7:30am, wheeled into the OR by 9:30, I even made it through the dreaded IV insertion without any issue (darn good nurses at Rex by the way). I remember being wheeled in, having to move myself to the operating table. They were covering me in blankets and trying to set my head just right. They put the blood pressure cuff on and said, “Ok we’re going to help you relax” and THAT was the LAST THING I REMEMBER. Darn good drugs at Rex too I might add.   When I woke up in Recovery I, I hurt. I remember moaning out, “it hurts, it hurts”. A nurse asked me on a scale of 1-10 and I gave it a 7 or 8 and they gave me some drugs, but the pain never totally went away in Recovery. My vitals were low… low BP… low Oxygen levels. What was supposed to be 1 hour in Recovery I to wake up turned into 3. Heath wasn’t allowed in there with me and I only realized later that they hadn’t been giving him updates. He talked to doctor after surgery and was told he’d see me in an hour and an hour came and went and at some point he had to ask someone what was going on cause I heard a volunteer come in and ask. I wasn’t allowed any more pain meds because they needed to get my BP and O2 levels up. Eventually I was stabilized and moved to Recovery II.   Finally I get to see Heath. I’ll never forget the look on his face, he looked so scared. Everything leading up to surgery he had been so confident and acted like my concerns were over-reactive, but he looked scared this time. I was glad that his mom had come to stay with him while I was in surgery.   They gave me some liquid pain meds and made me drink a cup of water and made me get up and walk to the bathroom, go to the bathroom… and then it was time to get dressed and go home.    That night wasn’t so bad. I got home around 5:30 and didn’t go to bed until 9 or 10. My mother in law stayed that night and I was so glad to have her there the next day. On day 2 she made 3 trips to CVS for me to get stuff I needed (the prescription pain meds make me sick).   

Recovering
I stayed home and rested from Thursday night through Monday afternoon. Over the weekend I worked on school stuff and watched TV. My mom came Sunday and stayed with me until Thursday morning. Monday afternoon we ventured to shop… Lowes foods and BJs’, thrilling.    On Tuesday morning I went back to work… from home. I liked working from home because it was easier to stay focused and I got A LOT done. Long –term though not sure I would like it, it was lonely.    Friday night was the first time I drove. It was also the first time I noticed the weight loss (sure I had seen the scale drop, but when you are wearing drawstring workout pants all week, it’s not something you can feel). When I got into my car (my Audi, my baby which Heath had been driving all week) I didn’t have to re-adjust the steering wheel. Heath always drops the wheel because it’s more comfortable for him. I always had to lift it up cause it dug into my legs and was uncomfortable. I didn’t have to move it. I know it sounds minor, but boy did it feel good.  

Moving Forward
The next weeks are a blur. Going back to work in the office… back to school… progressively moving from clear liquids, to full liquids to pureed foods to mushy foods and then “regular” foods that I have to chew and chew and chew.   Weight loss in the first 2 weeks was AMAZING. Watching the scale drop EVERY DAY was awesome. Then it stopped. Despite eating less than 1000 calories a day the weight wasn’t moving. In fact what had gotten to 23 pounds rebounded back to hovering between 18 and 20 when I started eating solid foods (had something to do with eating solid foods and being dehydrated after week 2). Then FINALLY in week 4 it started moving again, though slower. As of this morning I am down 27.5 pounds since surgery.   I had my first “fill” last night. I was so worked up about a needle being stuck in my stomach to find the port and the whole process, but after having it done, I know now it’s NO BIG DEAL. That was the easiest thing. A feel more restriction this morning with how much I can eat and drink (YAY!)  

Thoughts
Wow I wish I had done this sooner is the only thing I can say. It wasn’t an easy decision to come to though. It meant admitting that I could not control myself when it came to food, and that was hard. In every other aspect of my life I feel like I have some control… with food it controlled me. Admitting that was like admitting defeat. But then after attending the Lap-Band seminar and seeing how the Lap-Band works like a tool, I knew it could help me to be in control of my eating and was the thing I needed.   This isn’t the easy way out. It still means being aware of what you eat. Making healthy choices more often than not and to achieve good success you MUST exercise (which I have not done yet due to the knee issue).    This isn’t going to happen overnight. It’s going to take time, but I feel like I am off to a good start and I am looking forward to the journey.