Raising girls... plus... the poopie bandit!

Jan 16, 2009

 This is going to be an exciting edition.  

So... I have these ratty old Lane Bryant bras that I've had for over a year.  They are in bad shape.  Each of them has a broken wire under the right boob.  One got so uncomfortable that I couldn't wear it.  But I put off the idea of getting a new bra because I knew I was having surgery.  Why spend $40 on a bra I would only wear for a month or two?  And you guys know...  A fat chick can't get away with a cheapie little $15 bra.  There need to be excesively wide straps and reinforcements and such.  So about a month before surgery I couldn't stand the wire poking any more, so I went to LB and bought a bra.  Turns out I bought it a size too small--because I was in a hurry and didn't try it on.  So fine.  I put up with the raggedy pokey bra a while longer.  

Well, today...  I got on that one-size-smaller bra.  I'm wearing it now.  And it feels juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.  Yippie.  That must mean I've lost a couple inches, because the bra size is a couple inches smaller.  

OK, on to the next subject.  My husband is a Poopy Bandit.  He has this pavlovian response that if I'm either in the shower or drying my hair, he MUST come into the bathroom to take a dump and stink the place up.  Well....  I've been secretly waiting to take my revenge.  Now, we all know that post gastric bypass poopies are the WORST!  I mean, I've made my own eyes water.  I mean, these are the most wretched, foul-smelling poopies ever--and I'm a nurse, so I'm a trained professional poopie assessor.  

This morning my hubby was taking a shower, and I felt that special stirring within me.  I had to poop!  A-ha!, I thought.  Revenge is mine.  I ran into the bathroom and got to work.  But... it... didn't... smell.  Why?  My hopes and dreams were dashed.  My hubby finished his shower as I was finishing my business.  He flung open the shower curtain and exclaimed, "Good morning, Baby!"  

Damn you Poopie Bandit.  I will get you.  

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