Hi everyone, well, i survived the surgery. and my first thought was what in the hell did i do to myself? my whole life i have been a yoyo. up and down. but as a child i feel that it all got rooted very deeply. my mom was perfect. she was a model. and everything in our life had to be so, so. i'm not blaming my mom at all. it's just back then the stuff that drs. would give a kid. they gave me diet pills when i was 7-8 yrs. old. tha was a start. but, maybe i should back up a couple of years like 4. i was shopping with my mom. and she always took me to the special shop, for my beautiful clothes. i always had the best. we got separated. i started looking frantically. i'm crying now. some woman clerk came up to me and asked what was wrong, i told her that i got out of the special shop and now i lost my mom. she started laughing and pointed to the sign above the dressing room. is that it? i said yes, with a great sigh of relief. then she proceeded to tell me that , that doesn't say special shop. it says chubbettes!! you are fat, not special. at that time my mom came around the corner and gave that woman a tongue lashing. thanks mom, but my heart was broken and i couldn't understand why my mom had lied to me all those years. well, it's been many hurtful sayings and heartbreaks in between and here i am. my name is kathy and i'm 49 yrs. old. I have a new life now with a wonderful man, my dog gabbe. and i have a son who's married , but lives 45 min. away. sometimes that kills me. my hobbies are making cards, rubberstamping, floral arranging, gardening, herbal anything, helping take care of my friends 7 llamas. i work in a super wash carwash selling tokens, cleaning and maintaining the machines. it's part time. a lot different then all my jobs before, in my old life. i was a receptionist/tanning instructor, visual merchandiser and a florist. till my husband of 26 yrs. left me. all my jobs were very image oriented, but after all that i got fatter and fatter. no body wanted to hire me. i had to go to factories, where the people ate me alive. life got real tough at that time. but the words my x-husband said to me will ring in my ears forever. as he went out of the door he said i only had sex with you because i feel sorry for you. you are too fat, ugly and sick---no one will ever want you!!!!!!! so, i pretty much believed that and let myself go. i was once in the hair salon i had worked in getting my hair done when one of my old favorite tanners was there. he said where is that kathy girl, i really liked her. i said i'm here. all eyes rolled my way. he stood up and said oh my god you are so fat--why did you let yourself get like that? i was horrified. i became ill, for 2 yrs. i didn't and couldn't work. i really let all that get to me. people would say oh honey you have such a pretty face, just loose some weight. after that i kept going. then my cousin introduced me to my wonderful man, george. he loved me no matter what. but, because of that i wanted to be better. i wish he could've seen me when i used to have lots of pretty clothes, shoes, a tan and my hair done at all times. but, he must love me, or he'd have ran away by now. this journey has been hard. moving away from my family and friends. now, i'm in a small village where no one knows me, or really cares. i can't find friends if my life depended on it. my dog is a cardigan corgi/terrier and my baby. and she knows it. that’s why this website is so very important to me.
My Weight Loss Progress
190 lbs - 3 mos out - Lost 37 lbs
Oct 03, 2005