getsemani

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Last year, I decided to try the gastro bypass, but I'm still weighing the pros and cons and sitting on the fence. In the meantime, I'm back at the gym doing water aerobics and trying to eat as healthy as possible while I count calories. Perhaps I'll find a surgeon where I live and try filling my lap band . . . I just don't know what to do.

My weight went up to 260 but I'm down to 249. 

So, after much consideration, and research I've decided to go ahead with a revision in Tijuana. I looked at different places and one really stood out from the rest. I chose ALO Bariatrics and although I'm still a bit worried, only because I've never done anything like this, Sandra, the nutritionist and patient coordinator took an hour to talk to me over the phone and give me all the information I needed and wanted with no pressure on her part for me to commit.

I took two days to let everything sink in and think things through, but after much thought and weighing the pros and the cons, I went on ahead and paid the $500 deposit to confirm my surgery date. I'm scheduled in for surgery on July 11 for either a revision to sleeve or the gastric bypass. I'm still sitting on the fence with the bypass, but I'm seriously considering it. I don't like the fact that I might lose hair, which I've been losing for a while now as it is and do have a bald spot, and that I need to be on multivitamins for the rest of my life. I still have five months to decide whether to do the sleeve or bypass. 

I do hope and pray that with the revision I'll be able to reach my goal. I'm not asking for much! I just want to weigh 160 pounds which is what I was weighing when I married the first time. After I married in '91, I've never been anywhere near that weight, and even though I was a tad chunky, I would love to be a tad chunky and not obese.

In the meantime, I've already lost 20 pounds and down to 242 (as of this morning when I weighed myself) but it's so damn hard. I haven't been back to the gym because of very personal reasons, and I feel that the month that I'm paying for has been money down the drain. I haven't been able to go to the gym nor have I started going to my aerobics classes which I truly enjoy.

I keep to my healthy eating throughout the week, but on weekends I let myself cheat a little by eating "normal" food, you know, food that I really enjoy eating like perhaps, some fries from a fast food restaurant, or half of a cheeseburger and a sip or two of soda. However, I'm pretty damned proud of myself because I haven't gone overboard in the least, and I've learned how to "cheat" without feeling guilty or going over my calorie intake for the day.

I'm seriously considering a lapband revision to gastric sleeve, and I've been looking into having the procedure done in Mexico, just across the border from California. I looked into doing it here, but the out of pocket cost is astronomically high for me, running into roughly $15k, whereas in Tijuana it'll cost me approximate $5500. My mother is advising me against doing the procedure in Mexico because of all the horror stories she's heard about people having all types of surgeries done abroad. My husband is very supportive of my weight lost journey, and although he too has his reservations about me having the surgery done in Mexico, is supporting my decision. My only trepidation is the possibility of something going medically wrong. I'm still debating. Meanwhile...

I joined the gym and it's very hard to keep myself motivated. I love the water aerobics, but the class starts at 6 p.m. and I'm off from work at 3 p.m. If I drive home after fighting traffic on the freeway and spending a whole hour looking at the red lights of the cars in front of me, I don't feel like driving to the gym. I did go straight to the gym on Wednesday and walked on the treadmill for 44 minutes, walked almost 2 miles and burned 240 calories. Yay, me!!! I've also started eating healthy, again, and I'm thrilled to see that I've lost 12 pounds since January 1st. I'm down to 250 pounds. 

This is a neverending journey for me.

Now I'm weighing 262! I don't even know what else to say, but that I'm starting all over again.

Spring break came and went, and I was able to visit my sisters in New Jersey and my son In Florida. My mom and my youngest daughter were absolutely sure that I was going to break my diet and gain weight. Yes, I strayed from my usual diet, packing in more calories than was healthy, but man, didn't that food taste heavenly!?

But, you know what? I've been doing so good that I took that week to bask in food heaven for a bit, but in the back of my mind I knew that I had to step back in line, and not over do it. I only gained one pound, and I'm happy to say that it's completely off now. I'm now down to 250 pounds, 19 pounds lost.

I am the little engine that could, lol

Well, I finally gave in and bought myself a new scale and I'm happy that I've lost 18 pounds thus far. I started off weighing almost 270 pounds and now I'm down to 251, yay me!

I'm visiting my sisters back east and then I'm flying down to Florida to visit my son. I plan to stick somewhat to my diet and not deviate too much from what I've been eating at home. I'm pleased that I'm losing weight, but I'm definitely not satisfied.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

Of all the times I've been on diets and excercising, it never dawned on me to cleanse my colon. I've been seriously considering it, but I don't know when I'll actually do it. I regret the fact that it never ocurred to me to do it while the "stay at home" was in place. Now that we're back on site at school it is definitely not a good time for it, but it's a definite go for me. I've never done it, and I think it's time. Let's see what happens. 

I ordered a variety pack of protein bars with 20 grams of protein and 0 grams of sugar, so the label says, but I still find them too sweet. The protein bar is called think!, and I've yet to eat a whole bar in one sitting. I completed my first two weeks of dieting and I feel good about myself, and how I haven't fallen into temptation. I'm not really on a strict diet, so if I want a taste of something sweet I'll go ahead and try a morsel just to appease the desire of eating something sweet. I've been very good in that department. 

I would love to go back to the gym, but all the gyms in my area are still closed due to Covid-19, and I'm not motivated to workout in front of my laptop with someone else at the other side of the monitor, and I definitely am not motivated to walk up and down my block after work, either. 

I wonder how much I've lost?

On February 19 I went for a routine physical checkup. I was shocked when I got on the scale and saw the numbers go all the way up to 269.5!!! I had weighed myself 19 days before, and I was weighing 265 pounds, but in just 19 days I had gained 4-5 pounds.

Well, needless to say I'm once again on my neverending weight loss journey, but this time I'm starting off where I had not left off. I'm almost 30 pounds heavier than what I was when I last weighed myself. I started dieting on February 21st, and I haven't weighed myself since I was weighed at the doctor's office, but that's fine with me. I don't want to be controlled by the scale, and I want to be pleasantly surprised when I do get on the scale and see how the weight has shot down.

I'm not blaming the COVID-19 pandemic in any way, shape or form. I only have myself to blame for my eternal failure in losing weight. 

I've gain much much more weight than I had ever imagined, and now I'm tipping the scale at 265, 265 reasons why I feel miserable!!!! But, I'm going to take my head out of the sand and start again. When, oh when will I feel happy with my appearance, with my weight, with, the weigh I feel?

I should be happy, but I'm not. I've been down this same road so many times since I had weight loss surgery almost 12 years ago. I started my weight loss journey again and I'm down 20 pounds. I was tipping the scale at 250 pounds and I decided to lose EVERYTHING in a year.

Let's see if I can hang.