Meeting Dr. Sauceda in San Francisco 8-16-10

Aug 16, 2010

Dinner was wonderful  Dr. S was such a wonderful host.  I was so impressed by him.  He was overly generous by treating all of us to a wonderful banquet dinner & was willing to share his time by doing one on one consultations after dinner with those of us who were interested.

It meant so much to my husband & I that he was willing to do a detailed hands on consultation.  He was able to show my husband where my incisions were going to be & what to expect.  Sean felt immediately comfortable with him.  He knows I am going to be in good hands & that Dr. S is going to be personally  involved in all of my care. That means a lot to him because he is not accompanying me on my trip.

It is extremely rare to meet a plastic surgeon that is so honest, humble, & caring as well as talented. I was surprised that his English is nearly perfect. 

I also enjoyed meeting his wife, Dr. Sauceda.  Her English is not as good, but I was able to talk to her too.  She an anesthesiologist.  She has a very calming demeanor & I really enjoyed being able to meet her in advance.  I feel very blessed to have had this opportunity. 

In some ways I wish I was going tomorrow!  But, I have a lot to get prepared, so I am glad that I have the next 6 weeks to get ready for my surgery.

I enjoyed meeting everyone.  It was a lot of fun as well as informative. 
2 comments

Took the leap of faith...PS Sept 27th!!!

Aug 11, 2010

The post weight loss surgery journey is not one I gave much thought to when I was deciding to have WLS.  It is so many things that I never considered...well it is so many things I never knew to consider until I was done loosing all of my weight.  I knew that every day I would have to make a choice.  A choice to do my best everyday to stay healthy & maintain all that I have accomplished over the past 2-3 years.

What I did not give much thought to was how I would deal with my body after I got "skinny".  Did I think that decades of over stretched skin would just shrink back into normal form?  Did I think that I would miraculously loose 100 pounds & still have boobies left over to fill out a bra?  Honestly I do not think I did consider any of that, and truthfully I am glad that I did not. Because I may have used that as an excuse not to have the surgery.  I have heard it ALL when it comes to people saying why they think WLS is not a good idea.  EVERYONE knows SOMEBODY who DIED or at least gained ALL their weight back.  Someone even once told me that they knew someone who had the WLS surgery & decided because they did not like all the extra skin they had they "chose" to gain all the weight back...because it looked so bad!  It is all BS!  I am telling you this with 100% honesty! I would never choose to be fat again! Even because I want my boobs big again or my arms not to flap around!  I guarantee even though I may not have as much excess skin to deal with (as some post WLS pts do), no matter how much I had I would live with it if I had to.  
I am now 2 years post op RNY & I have lost over 100lbs on my journey.  I have been the same weight for well over a year & half.  I have been thinking about having plastic surgery for many months now.  I realize that even though I am thrilled with my weight loss, I am uncomfortable with my breasts being gone.  In someways I feel like they are a part of my femininity that I did loose along with the weight.  My abdomen is also stretched out (the muscles themselves) & even if I lost more weight it would not make my tummy any flatter.  So, I have researched for hours nearly everyday for months.  I have had consultations with surgeons in & out of the United States.  I have been so torn on what surgeries to have, where to have them, & when to have them. 

This is what I learned...
I would love to be able to afford to have everything done at some point in the future. Who wouldn't love to look like Barbie (even if it is just in my clothes)? But, at this time my priorities are my breasts & my abdomen.  I tired everything I could to figure out a way to have my surgery here in my area with a PS.  But, for many reasons I won't go into... that just can't happen.  So I did even more hours of research, email consultations, phone consultations, & talking to people who have had their plastic surgery outside of the US.  You have to decide where you are willing to travel to, what the surgeons reputation is, & what results you want to get.  Let's just say it is a BIG DECISION (at least for me)!

I chose to go to Monterrey Mexico & have Dr. Sauceda do an extended TT & a full breast lift with augmentation.  I am tempted to have more done because of his reasonable prices, but I think I am going to do my best to stick with my original plan.  I really want to get my backside (butt lift) done & my arms done at some point in the future.  All pending on the results & recovery of this first surgery of course.  I chose Dr. S for 2 main reasons his reputation & his reputation!  He has nothing but praise from his patients & I am lucky enough to know one personally.  Her name is Suzanne & she had her PS done in December of 2009.  She is thrilled with her experience & her results.  I am even luckier in that she is willing to accompany on my trip & stay with me in Mexico through out my surgery & recovery!  She was my WLS Angel & now she is going to be my plastic surgery Angel.  I do not know what I did to deserve her love & care but I am grateful for it.

Am I nervous?  Heck ya!  Do I feel scared not only to be having PS but to be having it so far away from home? Hell ya!  But, do I think I made the right decision? Yes, I do.  My children are going to be able to be cared for by my husband (as much as I would love for him to be there with me) & everything will work out in the end.  Do I think I am going to get some smack from family & friends for doing this?   For sure!  I have family members that seemed oddly unsupportive of my WLS especially once I got around a normal body weight (weird I know)!  It has always perplexed me that people that I love are unable to be happy for me...because somehow my success makes them uncomfortable.  So as far as what others think... others will just need to keep their own personal insecurities to themselves.  People who love me & really know me will understand that this decision was not made lightly & they will understand why this is important to me & why I have chosen this route in my journey.  I understand that something could go wrong, and that all surgery is a risk.  I even understand that having my surgery away from my home adds some additional risk.  I for one do not love to fly!  So as silly as that sounds I even consider that an additional risk (more for my nerves).  The most important thing is that I feel good about my decision. I have the approval & support from my husband, & I have a dear friend who will watch over me while I am there. 

My BIG PLANS...are to actually buy a small digital video camera & video blog this journey.  I want to document my plastic journey abroad for others who find themselves traveling this road.  Pictures & blogs have helped me so much.  I would like to give back & I would like to take it one step further.  We will see how this all turns out & if I do photo or video blog the journey. I will be sure to post the links here on OH first.  This site & the people who support one another mean the world to me.  I can never say thank you enough to so many who have taken their time to help others.  I hope I will be as helpful as others have been to  me...

3 comments

OH I Come back when I need you!

Jun 20, 2010

I have once again not posted in way too long.  A whole year has passed!  Where has the time gone? 

So a fast update is that I am 146 lb still & tend to just stay right there no matter what I do.  I am happy that my tool is working for me, because I do not always work my tool the way it was meant to be used.  I have good days & bad days, but over all I think my eating is pretty balanced.  If I have a bad day & eat too much or the wrong foods, I try to make up for it the next day or two. 
I am not exercising regularly & I have a lot of guilty/worried feelings attached to this issue.  I have had a rough 8 months with my chronic pain.  My doctor thinks I have Fibromyalgia & I have been trying to do the best job I can with what my body is doing right now.  I stretch a lot & I am beginning to do some basic Yoga.  Even that makes me very sore, but I am in pain if I just lay around too.  So I have decided I might as well live my life, take the pain meds when I really need them, & just take it one day at a time.  My goal is to start water aerobics this week.  It is so hard to get myself to go when I am hurting, but I am just going to do it!

I am planning to have plastic surgery this fall & I am researching my options with an obsession!  I want to have a BL/BA & a tummy tuck together without compromise.  I would love to have a LBL as well.   But, my wallet may have something to say about that especially if I do it here in the states.  I am looking for PS in Mexico, but I am not sure I feel secure doing that.  There are a lot of reasons I am concerned about being away from home.  Due to my health issues & the fact that I have young children at home.  My oldest baby is 7 & she has very special needs.  I know I will not be able to care for her physically after PS, but I would be so anxious if anything happened to her why I am off recovering far from home.   I know there are good surgeons in & out of the states, but the facts are that we do not have the money or the credit to spend too much money on my PS.  Ideally I would like to spend no more than $12K but I also do not want to only be able to do one area for that much money!  I am searching the boards looking at pictures, reading posts, & trying to figure out what is best for me.  I even posted "before PS pics" so that others with similar body types can chime in on what they had done & hopefully share what worked out for them.  The one thing I do know is that not having PS is not an option for me.  I thought I would be fine without it, and never even considered this part of my journey (duh right?).  But, I do not feel like I will be happy with the way I look unless I repair the breasts & the abdomen.  I am not trying to be a VS model.  I just want to feel "womanly" again.
So that is it for now, I will keep you all posted on my progress!

2 comments

Past goal, update pics, and more!

Jun 18, 2009

OMG!  I am the all time OH trader!  I have been away since February!  Ouch!  So sorry to those friends I made on here and left when the times got good!  lol!

Ok, here is the update...

It has been 9 months today that I had RNY.  I was so lucky to sail through with out any complications.  Of course I look back now and think it was pretty easy (just like child birth, we forget)!  But, if I really ponder the early months...there was a lot of  days I felt pretty bad.  I remember being very tired a lot for about 2 months post op.  I had  trouble with water in the at first.   I also had a lot of trouble with poultry for many months (probably until I was 6 months post op).

I hit my goal of 150 lb at about 7 months post op.  I have continued to loose a little bit more since.  I wanted to loose an even 100lb so I set a secondary goal of 146lb.  I hit that goal and have stayed right around 146lb ever since.  I went from  a size 22 down to a size 6!!!

I went on a cruise (pictures to follow in my album) a couple of weeks ago.  I was so nervous I would get sick or eat too much and gain a ton of wt.  But, actually over all I did really well (I did gain 4lb, but got it off with in a week).  I ate small amounts of pretty much of what ever I wanted, when ever I wanted it.  The only thing I am ashamed to admit is despite the fact that I dump off of sugar...I could not handle it!  I ordered the SF dessert (diet cake usually).  They normally were not very great.  My husband ordered and I ate some of his sugared desserts.  Well, 2 times I over did it and dumped!  Once in the beginning and once at the end of the cruise.  I guess I am lucky because I do not throw up or have explosive diarrhea.  But, oh it feels so bad!  I feel like I am going to die!  Heart rate increases, severe weakness, severe cramping, and a desire to lay down so intense I would lay on the floor if I could not make it to my room.  Oh, and will I ever stop eating sugar 100%?  Will I ever learn?  Obviously not! 

Any how the cruise was wonderful!  I loved the spa on the Carnival Splendor.  It was amazing, but expensive.  I spent way too much money there.  But, it was so relaxing!  I even worked out a little.  We walked a ton while off the ship so I should count that too. lol!

So, now it is back to "real life".  My next phase of my journey is to really commit to weight training at the gym.  I know you loose fat, but you also loose muscle after surgery.  Especially when you have not been consistently going to the gym.  But, I am ready!

After I have achieved some fitness goals, the next thing I want to do is to have plastic surgery.  I am still early out and my skin is not terrible.  I feel I am pretty lucky actually.  But, I would #1 like to get a breast lift and implants if needed.  #2 if I can afford it I would like to get abdominoplasty.  Only time will tell what I will need and can afford.

Well, I hope each of you are doing well.  I miss the support but with 3 kids, work, and just life...it seems I have very little time left to post on the boards.

I will add some pics from the cruise.  I can't wait to go on another!  :-)

1 comment

Again... it has been way too long since I wrote!

Feb 15, 2009

It has been way too long since I journaled again!

 

I am recommitting to documenting my food. I have been at a stall for 2 weeks and actually show a gain of 3 lb.  I was down to 161.8 at my lowest last week.  Then I went up to 165 yesterday.  Today I was 164.2.  So, I am kind of freaked out! I also started wt. lifting about 2 weeks ago.  So, I am not sure if the gain is food, fluid, or muscle related.  I will only know if I start documenting everything again! I felt a little sick today (Sean & the kids have been sick).  But, I rested a lot today.  Now my back & hip is killing me, but my sore throat feels better.  I really want to go to the gym tomorrow, even though Sean has to work all day and the kids are off school for President's Day.  I really enjoy wt. training, despite the fact I am always in pain the next day!  But, I can already feel myself getting stronger.  I am already going up on the amount I can lift.  I have also added new machines.  I really like to work out my lower body more than my upper.  But, I do both.  I am going MWF and alternating upper and lower body.  I am still doing the cardio.  Lately I have been riding the bike for 30 minutes.  I am able to work out at a higher level lately.  I really enjoy seeing my progress!  I have tried to rationalize that I need to stop the wt. lifting and stick to the cardio. because of the wt. gain.  But truthfully working out with the amount of wts I am will only make me stronger and make me healthier.  Eventually I will start loosing again.  I think I would have to!  I am still not eating a lot of calories.  Although I ate a lot of calories on Valentine’s Day.  I had a night time eating fit!  I ate 1,219 calories!  That is the most I have ever eaten since surgery!  I happened to go down in wt. after yesterday, so I will see if maybe I do need more calories to start the wt. loss again.  It could be, but I am not assuming anything.  I am serious about tracking, journaling, and getting in everything I should in a day (water, protein, exercise etc).

 

I plan on taking my 20 week pictures tomorrow!  I will post them as soon as I can down load them.  I think I need to look at side by side pics too.  I have been feeling like I can’t see the changes lately when I look in the mirror.  Everyone else can, but usually not me.  Do not get me wrong.  I am feeling better overall, and I have certain moments where I catch myself in the mirror and I am astonished.  It happened at the gym last week.  I was walking by a mirror and I saw myself from the side.  I literally stopped and backed up for a moment to look at myself.  It was a wow moment!  But, then why do I not feel that way everyday?  Is it just part of being a woman?  Or is it a WLS post-op thing?  I think maybe a bit of both???

 

I have also gotten some comments lately that I should not lose anymore wt.  It is a compliment, but I also get irritated by it.  Then as some of you know I am so open about having WLS to 99.9% of people.  Maybe that is too many.  I saw people I have not seen in years at our Valentine’s Day dance last night.  I was in the bathroom and a lady I knew since I was a young girl said wow you look great you have really been working hard.  I said yes.  Then I said I had RNY.  She is a nurse and automatically I felt the tone in our conversation totally change.  I was babbling about how great it has been.  She had to get in a couple of comments about how many things can go wrong and that it is the long term wt. loss (yada, yada).  I was so irritated; I was kind of anxious inside after that.  Then my Mom asked me what I say when people ask about my wt. loss.  She was being very respectful & basically asking what I wanted her to tell people when they ask her how I lost my wt.  I told her oh I just tell them I had WLS!  So, she could too.  But, then when incidents like what happened in the bathroom occur, I sometimes doubt my “openness”.  I am super sensitive and I tend to ramble and get nervous when people say negative things.  I am passive aggressive.  I just get pissed later, instead of tell them the way it is and sticking up for myself!  I hate that I am that way!  I need to find the right balance of whom I tell and who I don’t.  Or else be ready to defend my decision, with clear cut certainly.  I do not want to sound like a Bitch, but I want to be 100% assertive…  I am going to work on it!  J

 

Here was today’s food log.  The carb servings are off because I did not eat all of the stuffing or the green beans in the dinner for tonight. 

 

How many calories am I supposed to eat at 5 months out?  I am not really sure!

Food Item

Servings

Cals

Fat

Cholest

Sodium

Carbs

Sugars

Fiber

Protein

Kirkland Vanilla Soymilk

0.50

50

2g

0mg

48mg

5g

4g

1g

4g

Syntrax Chocolate Truffle Protein Powder

1.00

100

0g

0mg

160mg

1g

0g

1g

23g

General Foods Sugar Free Decaf Suisse Mocha

1.00

30

2g

0mg

30mg

2g

0g

0g

0g

Dryers Fruit Bars - No Sugar Added

1.00

30

0g

0mg

0mg

8g

2g

1g

0g

Lean Cuisine Rosted Turkey Breast

1.00

290

7g

30mg

890mg

38g

11g

5g

19g

Nabisco Triscuts

0.30

36

1g

0mg

54mg

6g

0g

1g

1g

Lucerne Pepper Jack Cheese Sticks

1.00

100

8g

30mg

170mg

0g

0g

0g

7g

Asher's Sf Mint Truffle Bar

0.80

144

9g

4mg

0mg

23g

0g

0g

2g

Totals:

780

29g

64mg

1,352mg

82g

17g

8g

55g

4 comments

Long time no posting or blogging!

Feb 03, 2009

I feel bad I have not been on OH posting or blogging.  I have had so much support here.  I want to pay it forward, but I also found myself consumed with the website.  I was neglecting my business and other responsibilities because I was always on OH!  lol!  I have to find some balance but I also miss everyone here!

Well, things are going better.  I have had more good days than bad lately and I think I have gotten the dizziness thing mostly under control.  I have upped my vit. D dose, started drinking one zip fizz per day (that really seemed to help when I started drinking that), and trying to increase my over all fluids.  When I keep up with all of this, I feel pretty good. 

I am struggling with regular exercise.  I love it when I go to the gym, but then I am always so sore and worn out that night, the next day, and sometimes for days after that...  I have a training appointment tomorrow to learn more about doing wts. Hopefully I can build up some muscle and not be so susceptible to flair ups in my back.  I have always believed that building up strong trunk muscles would help my back.  But, it has been an uphill battle to balance the pain with the exercise.  One I usually give up on...

I weighed myself this morning and I was down to 162lb!  This means I am only 12 pounds from goal!  I am very happy with this surgery, and I am so happy that I had the opportunity to have it.  I am so grateful to my Dr. for going to "bat" for me and helping me get approved with Kaiser.  He will never know how thankful I really am.  As far as my wt. goes I am working towards the 150lb goal, but plan on letting my body go as low as 140lb.  I know I will hear that I am too skinny, but I have read a lot about the "bounce back" people have a year or two after surgery.  It is usually around 10lb.  So, I would prefer to stay ahead of the game.

Speaking of games...  Mind games are weird after surgery.  I really still can't believe that I wear a size medium in shirts and a size 10 in pants.  It is so bizarre that until I go shopping and try on new items in those sizes I can't really believe it!  I even have some items already in those sizes, but when I look in the mirror or when I am just walking around doing my thing I do not feel that small!  I still feel the same a lot of the times, and I surprise myself sometimes when I do look in the mirror (with or with out clothes).  I wonder what the heck happened to the rest of me?  It is surreal...

I think I am going through a little mid-life crisis.  I am going to be 38 years old 2-25!  I can't believe it!  And to top it all off, I feel like I have missed out on a lot in life due to my wt. problem.  I am finding myself wanting to buy younger looking clothes and do things that I never thought I would ever want to.  Like I want to get a tattoo!  My husband thinks I am crazy, my mom will be pissed, and my daughter is not happy about it either...  I have decided that I want to get a tattoo as a symbol of my wt. loss and to remind myself that never again will I not be able to simply look down and see my feet (with out leaning forward).  I do not know what it will be, if I can find something with symbolism then it will make for a better reason to get one.  But, part of me just wants to get something pretty and do something that I never would have done before!  A lot of people may read this and think I am crazy to think that getting a tattoo is something all that crazy...  But, we are Mormon and that is not something we are supposed to do.  Also, I am a mother and a grown woman, so a lot of people will think I am crazy to do this at my age.

The loosing wt. is an emotional roller coaster.  When I stall (I have slowed down now for sure now) I freak out and think ...is this all I am going to loose?  But, if I look back, it has not been hard, and I have not had to work very hard at it.  I mean I have followed the food plan and everything.  I do not "cheat" at all.  If I eat anything that would be considered indulgent (like once I ate one slice of pizza.  I had to eat 1/2 and then the other 1/2 later) I feel really guilty.  So, then I try to balance it out by eating extra careful the next day etc...  I am very lucky in that I dump on sugar, and large amounts of fat make me feel tired as well.  I am not really tempted by desserts, carbs, etc...because for one I do not feel good afterwards, and two I am so happy about my wt. loss I do not want to blow it.  I am also very lucky that I can eat some alcohol sugars, so I am not feeling 100% denied.  I still like chocolate and crave it even more around my period.  I buy sugar free Dove dark chocolate and eat one or two pieces of that.  I feel very satisfied.  I guess you could say it gives me my chocolate "fix" when I need it.  It does have more fat in it, but I would never eat very much of it, and fat seems like the least of my problems now and in the past.  Carbs and sugar were my biggest enemies, so those are the things I am super careful about!

Anyways, I know it has been a long time since I have written, so I thought I would give a good update and write down some feelings that I have been having.  I get a little discouraged with myself and still struggle with depression at times.  I think it is just a chemical thing for me, as it has always been.  But, I also feel frustrated with myself that this great tool, this great wt. loss, has not lead me to being the person I want to be yet!  I really think that pre-op I thought WLS would make everything better in my life.  The fact is; it does make some things better, but it is up to me to work hard on those things it can't change.  I want to be the energetic, happy person, with the stamina that I imagined I would have by now.  It is getting better, and I do believe I will continue to get better, but I sometimes get bummed out.  I need to think more positively and see how far I have come, and not how far I have to go.

Overall things are good, I am again, very happy to have lost all this weight, to finally have the opportunity to be a "small" person instead of being the "big girl".  That is awesome!  And especially to know I am getting healthier every day!

I will try to write again soon!

0 comments

Happy New Year!- Update 1/2/2009

Jan 02, 2009

The scale said 169.8 today!  I may be out of the 170's for good!  Yippee!  I will update my wt. tracker as it goes down further, I want to make sure it is the real deal before I post it!

The Holidays were great, not really too tempting, and not as hard as I thought at all.  We have our last celebration for the Holidays this Sunday, because my parents were out of town for the Holidays.  I have decided we are not doing the big Holiday meal.  Maybe I can think of something different to make.  Right now a big pot of soup sounds good and easy to make!  We will see what everyone else is thinking...

I went to the gym Monday & Wednesday this week.  I was supposed to go today, but I did not make it.  So I am making it up tomorrow!  I really need to get stronger and tone up a bit too.  I am trying to promise myself that I will continue to go at least 3 days per week.  I need to get addicted to going, so then I go no matter what!

I have been a lot better on my vitamins this week.  I have been making a special effort to not miss any times or pills that I am supposed to be taking.  I still wonder why my energy level is not were I want it to be, but that could be that I just need to get more active to be active?  Also, I am interested in what my labs are going to say.  Pre-op I had low Ferritin & Low Vitamin D.  I have a feeling both are still low or in the toilet despite the supplements.  I get no sun really, so I think my vit D will be lower than it was in Sept when there was sun everyday.  My Iron (Ferritin) I am not sure but I sometimes think I am anemic since surgery.  I am really trying to take that iron every night now though...

I also stopped tracking my food intake for a while.  I think I was slacking on everything a bit.  Maybe I need more protein everyday and maybe I just need more calories.  The last 2 days I have averaged around 680 per day.  Not sure what I should be eating, but I am stuck wanting to eat only when I am hungry and I am not hungry very often (until I wait too long to eat then I get really hungry or shaky).  I also like the soft foods more.  I know they are easier on my pouch, are not going to make me sick, and I can eat a healthy amount.  So, I tend to lean towards re fried beans with cheese and sour cream, cottage cheese, protein bars & shakes.  They are quick, easy, and I know they have the protein I need.  I am just not into the meal thing yet...  I have had salad on several occasions and I am surprised by how much I can eat.  It tastes so good and I try to eat chicken or chopped ham with cheese in it to get some protein.  I love the BBQ Chicken Salad from BJ's with the dressing and sauce on the side!  OMG it lasts for days they give me so much!  It is delish!  I also indulge sometimes in a sf ice cream bar, or a sf candy (always chocolate).  I think that really saves me when I am watching everyone else eat dessert.  I just pull out a piece of my sf candy and feel totally satisfied.  I have tried less than a bite of my hubbies dessert and they do not taste all that great.  That makes me feel even better, that I am not putting all those calories into my body when it is not even very tasty to me!

I think overall I am doing really well.  I have some days that I feel like I ate to much of something and beat myself up for it.  But, I am trying not to have that old me mentality.  The new me says well just do not do it again, and I make up for it the next day by being extra careful with what I eat etc...

Everyone is amazed by the wt. I have lost.  The compliments are nice and wearing smaller clothes is cool too.  Now people are telling me I do not need to loose anymore.  I am fine with that as long as they do not get pushy about it.  I know that I still have 20 lb to loose.  They can't see it, but I see my tummy in the mirror naked they don't!  I just say thanks for saying that I do not look like I need to loose anymore, but I do and I set the goal with my Dr. to be a healthy BMI.  That usually shuts them up...

So that is my update for now!

2 comments

Feeling Kinda Lame! 12-26-08

Dec 26, 2008

O.K. it is my confession time.  I need to put it out there and start being more accountable for my bad behaviors.

1.)  I have not been taking ALL of my vitamins everyday (I skip my iron a lot which I need because my Ferritin levels are already low).
2.)  I have not been exercising at all for 2 weeks now!
3.)  I have been slacking on the calories and protien intake on certain days.  Some Days I am not getting in nearly enough calories (I am skipping meals like I did pre-op) and then the last couple of days I have really slacked on my protein numbers.
4.)  Most days I do not get all of my water in...

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???

I know all of these things are contributing to me having lower energy then I should after loosing all the wt. I have recently.  So, I do not understand why I have been slacking? 

I am going to fix all of this, but I need support and encouragement!

OK here is the good news...

1.)  I do care, and want to do well everyday... it is my health!
2.)  I have lost 46 lb since surgery, and a total of over 74lb this year!
3.)  I am almost in a size 12 pants (I can even button them, just need a little more room in there)!

This is my goal-

1.)  To start back at the gym on Monday
2.)  At least get all my protein in everyday
3.)  Really try harder to take all my vits everyday (tough because I have a ton to take due to pre-op deficiencies).  With my meds & vits I take well over 20 pills/tabs per day (I am afraid to count)! lol! 

But, I am going to hit it, and see if I can get my energy level up were I want it to be!

Happy Holidays Everyone!  Here is to The New Year, and new goals to take us even closer to where we want to be!  Great health in 2009!

Christmas was nice...  it is so much work and then it all goes by so fast!  We had some of Sean's family over for Christmas morning and then my family for Christmas dinner.  It was a busy day, full of carbs and really no protein.  I think it was my worst food day yet.  But, I still ate under my calorie limit I am sure...  I discovered that Ham goes in my pouch much better then poultry (that was nice to learn...a new protein source that does not make my pouch hurt). 

I did dump a little in the evening.  My suspicion is that it was a combination of the banana in the SF banana cream pie and the sugar in the crust of the pie.  I do not get tons of stomach issues (just cramping) when I dump, just a terrible feeling like I have to lay down.  It is like I have the flu or something.  I feel awful and I hate that I even ate!  I felt better before I ate any of the food I tired to eat yesterday.  I should have stuck with the protein and I would have felt tons better!  It is mixed emotions for me when it comes to food.  I still love the old idea of eating, but the new eating is not very fun or rewarding.  I suppose it never was rewarding before, I just got fat!  lol!  It is hard to explain what I mean and how I feel about it.  Food is now more about feeding my body not me.  Sometimes that is a let down...  But, I would not trade the gift I have for anything in the world and especially for any food in the world.  I would rather go without sugar 100% of the time than be big again!  I keep hearing myself saying "nothing tastes as good as thin feels"!  This is the truth!

Only 24lb to go!  I can't wait to hit goal!  I have already decided that once I get there, I am going to set a second goal to make it an even 100lb lost from my highest wt. in my surgeon's office.  So, from 246lb to 146lb.  That is an extra 4 pounds after my first goal of 150lb.  Just for the sake of getting my Century card! lol!  We will see if I still want it, when I hit the first goal!  One goal at a time girlfriend!
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Update 12-06-08

Dec 06, 2008

Well, I hit the 170's!  I am 178 even as of today and it looks like maybe I did not hit another plateau after all (knock on wood)!  I only bought the one pair of jeans in a size 14 the day before Thanksgiving and they are already getting too big!  I think I will just try to exchange them for a 12 sometime this next week (naughty I know since I wore them).  But, I swear I do not have time to go thrift store shopping right now, but I refuse to wear clothes that are too big and falling off of me.  I guess I could invest in a belt, but I have never liked belts on me and who wants saggy butt jeans!  lol!  I can't believe that I am going to fit into a size 12 jeans!  I swear the last time I fit into that size was in middle school!  This whole thing is crazy! 

The weird thing is that I look in the mirror everyday and I know I have lost wt. but I certainly do not feel like I am that small.  I guess I still see the fat girl...just thinner.  I know that does not make any sense.  It is just that I love the attention I get when people see how much wt. I have lost, but I also do not know how to respond.  I kind of feel a mixed emotion of  embarrassment (not knowing how to respond) & disbelief that it is "such a big deal".  Yet, at the same time, if they did not say anything I would feel terrible & hurt!  So, what is all that all about? Am I just mental?  I see a huge difference when I look at pictures from a year ago, but yet I do not feel like I have lost all that much wt. I have lost 40lb since surgery & a total of 68lb since I started the WLS program at the beginning of the year.  So, why does 68lb not seem like a ton of wt to me?  Am I just nuts?  This sounds stupid I know but I lost 60lb once on WW & because I gained it back, I think my wt. loss number has to be much more (maybe 70lb lost) in order to feel the greatness of this accomplishment.  Truthfully, I have not told anyone this but I like the sound of loosing 100lb even, that seems huge!  II know that is 4lb under my goal wt. but I think that still puts me within a healthy wt. for my ht.  Some of my family members  & friends would have an absolute fit if they knew I was considering trying to get to 146!  I can just hear it now!!!  But, when I get to goal if I look healthy enough and the doctor says it is OK I may go for it!  I would love to be able to say "I lost 100lb and I am keeping it off for life"!  Some people may read this and think she needs a shrink!  Others will read it and totally understand the mental game you have to play with yourself when it comes to this surgery and winning the battle you have fought your entire life.  I plan to win!

I am doing pretty good on my foods.  I have tried new things lately & everything in small amounts seem to go down really good.  I am still working on eating slow enough when it comes to any meats.  I actually do not enjoy the feeling of more than a couple of bites of any kind of meat still.  I guess no matter how hard I try I am not chewing it well enough.  I was a very fast eater before WLS, and eating at the pace I need to with meat seems virtually impossible for me.  I have to take a bite chew, chew, chew, and then after 2 bites I would need to leave the table and go do something so I will not eat anymore for at least 5-10 minutes, then come back and repeat if I feel like I want more of it.  Right now it is not a daily desire of mine.  So, I am gradually going there.  These are the things that have I eat more regularly; beans, cheese, cottage cheese, chili, eggs, nuts, protein bars, protein shakes, some soups,  1/2 South beach rice & beans, crab sushi rolls, shrimp (only 2 medium size at once), and SF desserts.  I am sure there is other stuff but this is all I can think of right now...

Everything is great for the most part right now.  The only bad thing that happened is last week I hurt my back moving some glass with my daughter Valerie.  She dropped her end of the table glass and I jerked (thinking I was going to catch it...ya right) and sure enough by the next day I was down in bed!  I was only able to go to the gym one day this past week, and even then I had to take it really easy.  I could feel that if I pushed it I was going to end up in pain all over again.  I am having trouble shopping this week and have had to take vicodin a couple of times because of the pain radiating down into my left leg.  I hate to take the pain meds because they make me even more constipated!  I can't have that because of the bum problems I have, so then I have to take MOM which is gross and keeps me near the pot all day!  So, I started adding benefiber to my morning shake.  I think it may be helping but I can't be sure yet...

I went out to lunch 2 times this week with girlfriends (I am so spoiled I know).  Thursday I met with 2 girlfriends I have not seen in forever (once since H.S. & the other for at least 5 years).  We went out to an Italian place.  I ate just a couple bits from each of their plates since I had no idea what to order (it was all pasta).  I was not really there to eat anyways.  We laughed our arses off for hours!  It was so much fun!  It did not seem like we had been apart for 20 or even 5 years.  It was just like a year or two had gone by and we were back together again!  It was great because I felt so much more confident than I would have before seeing old friends.  I always worried about how I looked (most of my friends are all very pretty & skinny) and stressed out about what to wear so I did not look so fat.  That day I actually under dressed.  I wore my gym clothes because the gym was right next door to the restaurant and I wanted to make sure I went straight after (no excuses).  I can't say that I did not feel a little bit self conscious, but I was feeling much better than I would have a year ago.

Then on Friday I went out to lunch with my new friend Jessica (she is from OH).  I met her at my local support group and I think she is awesome!  We had a good time getting to know one another better, and I am very excited about the idea of making a new friend (especially one who has had the GB and understands all that we go through).  I am very lucky to have met her & Suzie who is also from OH.  They both live within 10 minutes from me and I have a feeling we will be friends from life now.  WLS sisters I guess you could say. lol!

I guess I should write some goals for this next week.  These are the things I really need to concentrate on the most...

1.) Get all my water in 64 oz per day
2.) Take all of my vits everyday
3.) stretch & get my back better so I can get back to serious exercising!

Here is to a goo week!

Thanksgiving Plan!

Nov 26, 2008

I am not cooking this year, so I do have a game plan...  But, I wanted to mention that my plan kind of blew up in my face tonight!  lol!  My hubby made a turkey for us to have here (because we are not bring home left overs).  I toasted a piece of bread put on a lot of mayo and some turkey with salt & pepper (my favorite)!  I ate less than 1/2 of it and I was so stuffed I felt a little pain. 

So, if I really want to taste stuff...  I am thinking that maybe I will have only a bit of everything that I like.  Turkey, potatoes, stuffing, yams, & green beans.  I think the total of everything will have to be less than 4 oz or I will be in  big trouble.  I will do the shakes for B & D to get in the protein numbers,  Then desserts are going to be SF pumpkin pie, SF chocolate cream pie, and SF banana cream pie.  I am having a bite or 2 of each one.  It is one day, and I will count it all on my food journal. If I go over my 800 cal for the day I will work it off the next day at the gym. I do not want to feel sad that I can't eat my treats, but I also do not want to feel stuffed.  I am bringing my plate and my baby spoon too!  lol!

  I worked my Arss off at the gym today in preparation for tomorrow (I am sore now)!!! Oh, and I lost another 2lb!  I am only ounces away from the 170's.   It is a big milestone for me because the lowest wt. I remember being in adulthood was in the 180's.  So 170 is going to be a dream! 
Yippee!  Plus I bought my first pair of size 14 jeans since I was a teenager!  It felt really good!  I am so glad I did this and I can't believe that I actually was given this opportunity.  I am so thankful for the opportunity to feel healthy and feel good about myself.  That is the best gift I could have gotten this year or any year.  I wish I would have done this when I was in my 20's or early 30's.  It is great!

About Me
Sacrametnto, CA
Location
22.2
BMI
RNY
Surgery
09/18/2008
Surgery Date
Aug 13, 2008
Member Since

Friends 98

Latest Blog 31
Update 12-06-08
Thanksgiving Plan!

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