gingerly1983
it's been so long...
Dec 03, 2010
I haven't blogged in a while because, well, that would mean I would have to hold myself accountable and I wasn't ready. :( I suck. I haven't lost any weight in about 2 months. Could be the birth control I started 2 months ago? Could be the period I've had for the entire 2 months (the reason they put me on birth control)? Could be stress of school and changing jobs??? Or...it could just be that I am eating more than I need to, and everything I'm not supposed to. :( I know. I've been sitting between 214 and 218 for the past 2 months. I guess I'm maintaining...but I'm not at my goal so I don't need to be maintaining yet! Ugghhh get your shit together Ginger! I want to be 185. That's my goal. It's NOT unobtainable! I've noticed that I am not listening to my band when I eat. I'm not following the bandster rules. It's like I went on a normal person eating spree for 2 months. Effin birth control makes me want to munch ALL the time. I just need to get back to basics. I have to do this. I can't let bad habits return. My sister (who got banded the same day as me) has finally got herself back on track after taking 9 months off for being pregnant. She is losing weight pretty quickly and I can tell a huge difference. Is it wrong to say that I'm actually jealous that she is losing and I'm not? I was so used to having all the attention and now she's catching up to me. I know that's selfish. She's 50lbs heavier than I am, but she is wearing all the clothes I gave her from when I was that weight. It's really weird, seeing her in my clothes. I tried talking to her the other day about me completely falling off the wagon and the mental problems I have with food. She suggested I see a therapist. Probably not a bad idea, but I honestly dno't have TIME to see a therapist! I work full time and go to school full time. I need help, but I need help getting it...ya know? I decided 2 days ago to stop everything and get back on track. I'm doing pretty decent so far. My main problem has been portion control. If it's on the plate, I'm not gonna stop until it's done. Whenever I am at home and my fiance' and I eat together, I use a small plate and try my hardest not to STACK food on it. When I'm at work, I bring my lunch. I have 1/2 cup containers and I pack them full to the brim of some kind of meat. I normally take 2 to work with me and some nuts or something for a snack. (I work 12 hour shifts.) I've picked up the habit of eating ice chips. I know it's really bad for my teeth, but it satisfies my 'munchies' cravings and helps me get fluid in at the same time. I just want to be done already. It's been such a long journey and I don't have the energy or motivation to keep going. I just needed to vent. I'm going to make myself stay on track. I have to. My deadline to be in the 180s is April 27th. That's the date my fiance' and I picked out. He said if I was goal by that date, he would do something fabulous for me AND buy me some clothes. I want to make it to that....not just for me, but for him. He's been so supportive through this all and tells me all the time how proud of me he is. He showed me off to his dad the other day saying "Look how much weight my baby has lost!" lol ...I have to admit...it made me feel good. I forgot for a short time that I had been on a 2 month stall and lived up the 114lbs I've lost. And another thing I need to ramble/vent about....why can't I see myself as thinner!!?! I still see so much fat when I look in the mirror. 3 different people, at different times have told me that they can't believe I weigh over 200lbs. Why can't I see that? I think I look like I weigh a LOT more than that. I'm just so frustrated with everything. I don't know what to do anymore.....I need therapy lol
1 Comment
About Me
FL
Location
39.7
BMI
Surgery
05/20/2015
Surgery Date
Mar 05, 2009
Member Since
