Major Curve ball - will keep the journey going

Feb 06, 2015

I couldn’t sleep last night so why not type out my feelings! I was journaling about everything!

I’m trying to get back to normal or find my new normal after my Father’s death. This is nothing I have ever prepared for. How do you go from taking care of someone for the last two years and seeing them every day?? I still have my sweet Mom to take care of & thank goodness for her. She may have Alzheimer’s, but she is extremely aware of what is going on and very sweet & actually pretty tough. I feel like the room is now darker without my Dad’s light and the house are very empty.

With all of this being said, I’m proud that over the last month I didn’t turn to my old friend food for comfort. It would have been very easy to fall into that pattern with limited time and my stress level at an all-time high. Prior to my father getting sick, eating, cooking & getting my protein in wasn’t a problem. It was very easy. Last month eating and protein became a chore. I have always enjoyed cooking, before surgery & after surgery. I loved cooking for my parents, holidays, etc. I haven’t had much of desire to cook! I hope I don’t lose my mean cooking skills!! Towards the end of this week eating has become a little easier. I also grocery shopped last night so I could begin cooking again. My Mom shouldn’t have to suffer because of me!

Surgery is the best choice I have ever made; my Dad was my biggest supporter/cheerleader. He was happy that I was getting my health in check and setting myself up for quality life in my upcoming years. My heart aches that he won’t be here to see me finish my journey! I know I have an angel looking out for me above and if I waver he’ll be there to steer me back on course!

My three months surgiversary came and went and I have no idea how much I weigh! I still haven’t bought a scale! My next follow up in the first week of March. I do know physically I feel good & I fit into my 14’s from 2009!! Sure they may be a little outdated, but I don’t really care! I’m at the weight I ran my first ½ marathon!! Speaking of running, this past month derailed my exercise routine! I’m now the proud owner of a treadmill and I’m trying to get back at it! I have more ½ marathons in my future!!

Life has thrown me a major curve ball, but my Dad wouldn’t want me to sit here and sulk! He’d want me to jump on that treadmill and carry on the journey!

2 comments

18 Days post op! It's flown by!

Nov 11, 2014

 

So here is my first post op blog! It’s been 18 day today. Since the pre-op liquid diet things have really flown by! I have to say I feel amazing, I honestly feel like I haven’t had anything done to me. I’m trying very hard to remind myself that I have had major surgery and not to overdo it. I’m not one to relax much, if I have down time I find something to do. Since surgery that hasn’t changed. What has changed is my sleeping. I have required more sleep and I have been getting about 7.5 to 8.5 hours.  I use to survive on 6 hours. My energy during the day has been up, I don’t miss my afternoon coke zero or coffee and my headaches have gone away. The swelling in my right foot (lymphedema in my left) had gone away as well. I’m not hungry & I haven’t experienced head hunger. I’m sure craving will creep back, but right now I haven’t had any. It has bothered me to cook dinner for my parents or bake. Matter of fact, I have baked four times since surgery.

 

I lost 11lbs pre-op and I had lost 11 lbs. post op at my 10 day follow up. I have already dropped one pant size and all my shirts fit better. I don’t own a scale and I don’t plan on buying one right now. I have my follow up with the surgeon next week and I’ll check my weigh then and then again at my six week follow up. I think as time goes on & the weight loss slows I’ll get a scale to keep myself in check.

 

I know this is a long road & journey and it won’t always be easy. I have a feeling it will get much harder, but for now I’m going with the flow and enjoying my brand new lovely sleeve!

 

4 comments

Ready to Reclaim my Health!! Come on Fall!

Aug 25, 2014

So my last post was July 9th and today is August 25th! I was struggling a bit with my decision to have Weight Loss Surgery!! Well today the struggle is over and I’m 100% sure it’s the right choice for me and no more second guessing myself! At first I thought the six month waiting period was long and I thought it would drag on! It’s flying by!! October & surgery will be here before I know it! The six months have given me time to work out all my feelings, ask questions, cross bridges (I’m not a bridge crosser), prepare and reflect!! After my last post my summer plans really picked up! I have had a wonderful summer and I did a lot!! I can’t help but to think how great next summer will be without extra weight on me!! Ohhh………..the possibilities! Usually I can’t wait for fall because it means college football and MLB playoffs but this year it means so much more! I reclaim my health this Fall!! Come on Fall…………Come on October! I’m ready for this journey to really begin!

0 comments

Fears & Tears

Jul 09, 2014

 

So I’m three months into my 6 month requirement from BCBSM. I have an apt with the doctor and psych on Monday. The first three months have flown by so I imagine the next three months will go by just as fast.

 

I’m struggling a bit, I feel like I’m all alone on an island. I have started sharing with some that I will be having surgery. It has been a mixed bag of responses. My Dad is 100% behind me and supportive. My boyfriend on the on the other hand thinks I’m taking drastic measures. I love him and he wasn’t there to see me balloon to 315 lbs or to see me lose 125 lbs just to gain and lose it 50 to 80 lbs back time and time again. Since we have been dating he has seen me lose 50 lbs. Well guess what I put it back on! He thinks that I’m taking the easy way.  It stings slightly, but I can see how someone looking from the outside in may feel that way. I have tried explaining to him that I’m reclaiming my health and preventing life threatening diseases from taking over.

 

I have my best friend who is kind of on board but also tells me she thinks I can do it on my own, but supports me having surgery. This girl has saw me do weight watchers, has hit the gym with me, but also is the one who eats & drinks with me. She told me she is losing her drinking buddy. By no means do I have an alcohol problem, but I do enjoy craft beer, I enjoy taking in the local drinks when traveling about. When in Prague we chose the brewery tour, in Krakow the vodka tour and we have gone to Oktoberfest together.  I do enjoy having a few drinks now and then but I can also go six weeks without a drink. To me there is nothing better than a fall football Saturday tailgating and enjoying a beer. I know this will change; I know my behavior has to change and its hard hearing comments like I lost my drinking buddy. On the other hand I have my father who tells me we will switch to victory diet ice tea instead of a victory beer. I struggle & go back and forth. Can I really go back to weight watchers and hit the gym harder and maintain or do I go and have surgery and use this tool to help me reclaim my health.

 

There are so many thoughts going thru my head.  I’m usually put together quite well. I’m not one to get scared, but I’m scared. I have no one to talk to about these fears …no one who gets it. People are so quick to judge without walking a day in someone’s shoes.

 

I know I want to reclaim myself, my health and I want to be able to take care of myself. If I can’t take care of myself and be healthy how will I be good to anyone else??

 

I have never been one to write in a diary…..I feel like this would be an entry if I had one.

 

3 comments

About Me
MI
Location
May 12, 2014
Member Since

Before & After
rollover to see after photo
291lbs
166lbs

Friends 42

Latest Blog 4

×