Major Curve ball - will keep the journey going

Feb 06, 2015

I couldn’t sleep last night so why not type out my feelings! I was journaling about everything!

I’m trying to get back to normal or find my new normal after my Father’s death. This is nothing I have ever prepared for. How do you go from taking care of someone for the last two years and seeing them every day?? I still have my sweet Mom to take care of & thank goodness for her. She may have Alzheimer’s, but she is extremely aware of what is going on and very sweet & actually pretty tough. I feel like the room is now darker without my Dad’s light and the house are very empty.

With all of this being said, I’m proud that over the last month I didn’t turn to my old friend food for comfort. It would have been very easy to fall into that pattern with limited time and my stress level at an all-time high. Prior to my father getting sick, eating, cooking & getting my protein in wasn’t a problem. It was very easy. Last month eating and protein became a chore. I have always enjoyed cooking, before surgery & after surgery. I loved cooking for my parents, holidays, etc. I haven’t had much of desire to cook! I hope I don’t lose my mean cooking skills!! Towards the end of this week eating has become a little easier. I also grocery shopped last night so I could begin cooking again. My Mom shouldn’t have to suffer because of me!

Surgery is the best choice I have ever made; my Dad was my biggest supporter/cheerleader. He was happy that I was getting my health in check and setting myself up for quality life in my upcoming years. My heart aches that he won’t be here to see me finish my journey! I know I have an angel looking out for me above and if I waver he’ll be there to steer me back on course!

My three months surgiversary came and went and I have no idea how much I weigh! I still haven’t bought a scale! My next follow up in the first week of March. I do know physically I feel good & I fit into my 14’s from 2009!! Sure they may be a little outdated, but I don’t really care! I’m at the weight I ran my first ½ marathon!! Speaking of running, this past month derailed my exercise routine! I’m now the proud owner of a treadmill and I’m trying to get back at it! I have more ½ marathons in my future!!

Life has thrown me a major curve ball, but my Dad wouldn’t want me to sit here and sulk! He’d want me to jump on that treadmill and carry on the journey!

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