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Sunday 7/22 will be one year and I'm down to my lowest weight ever!! I feel fabulous! I'm exercising, eating right (most of the time) and feeling like a new person. I'mtrying not to let the fear of re-gain take over and just enjoy today. I met with Dr. G yesterday and everthing is good. She gave me some tips on how to stay the course...exercise 5 hours a week, journal my food, weigh myself everyday and just keep a watchful eye out. This road has not been easy and continues to be a challenge, but so worth it. NO MORE BLOOD PRESSURE PILLS! I bought a bikini and strut around in it as comfortable as can be.

I'm happy with the results and I'm willing to do what it takes to maintain.

I feel good, I think I look good, and I'm happy with my weight loss. I really didn't understand the whole health/weightloss connection until today. My top weight long before I saw Dr. Giovanni was 228 and today I'm 140. That's 88 lbs. That number is mind blowing to me. I never in thought about how that extra weight weighed on my heart and other organs until today. I went to the gym and tried to pick up 80lbs and walk with it. OMG. It was such an emotional moment. I have found my motovation to continue and stay on track.

12 Weeks in post op....what a strange trip it has been. I'm down to 160 lbs. The lowest I've been in years and years. I feel good but a little tired at times. I can't wait to have my blood results.

I can't belive I'm saying this but I like working out. I especially like that shower aftwards, but I really love it. I never pictured myself as a jock, but it feels good to be sore.

Two months…..60 days, not a lot of time. Today marks 2 months since my surgery. It seems like forever ago. Forgotten are the anxiety, hunger and pain. Now I live a new life. I’m trying not to focus on the scale and more about my health. I’m working out, walking more and more and trying my best to eat right. The eating right is the hardest part. I still crave sugar and salt. I’ve resolved myself to the fact that those craving will never really go away and I’ll have to learn how to work with them instead of fight them. I’m a work in progress and patience is what I need the most. I need to be more patient with myself, the scale and others. To keep the fact that only 2 months ago I had major surgery. I’m not using that has a crutch, but as a reason to take a step back and look at the big picture. Two months is not a long time.   

Well, I'm done with everything that was requested of me, but my insurance company would like to see 6 month of diet and exercise. I'm ok with that. I'm trying. Walking like a crazy person and watching what goes in my mouth. The scale has not moved much and it has made me realize that this surgery in what I need. So, I'll be patient and wait.

I'm there. I'm ready. I've finished all my tests, I'm mentally ready to go forward.
I need to
call Dr.'s office and follow up on Dr. Humulock's letter
call Dr. Giovani's office to start insureance ok and schedule next office visit.

I'm hoping to be scheduled anytime after May 19th

WOO HOO

I saw the nutricianist today for the last time. Dr. Giovanni's  office should have everything they need. I completed the list. I'll call at the end of the week to set up my second appoinmnt with Dr. G. I have to admit I'm not feeling very optimistic about the whole process. I'm 1/2 in and 1/2 out. My head is spinning. this is so life changing and a bigger commitment then anything else. A life time of living by the scale and counting calories in and out. What do I want.....I want to be healthy and slim and I'll do whatever it takes to get there.

today was endoscopy day. Other then my confusion as to where is was scheduled. I made it through without a hitch. Dr. Giovani said that I had stomach polyps and they were sent to the lab. She didn't seem concerned. What did concern me is that I found out that she is pregnant.....why? I have to call the office tomorrow and schedule an appointment. I can talk to her a liltle more about scheduling. Just when I had made up my mind as to when I want the surgery I find out she is going to have a baby. I'm not sure how this will afftect my time line. I have learned one thing and that is this is out of my hands and I have to just go with the flow.

Support groups and bloggin plus forums...they all see too personal. This week endoscopy. I looking forward to having a day off. I'm coming up on the busy part of the semester. Scheduling is the big issue on my mind. I was hoping for spring break, but that is next week and i know that is not going to happen. So I've decided that unless the Dr has reasons for the surgery to happen in April I'm going to put it off until after graduation in May. I really want the surgery ASAP, but I know that I wouldn't relax and recover if I knew what I was missing here. I'm comfortable in that decision.

I decided to start this blog for no one else but me. I want to record and journal so that I can see where I've been and where I'm going.

May 2010 I graduated with a BA in Justice Studies. It took me 8 long years. During that time life happened, but I continued on my path to graduation. It was hard and I could not understand why I could self disciplined myself to write papers and study for exams, but I couldn't put that self determination into losing weight. At graduation I had decided to channel that energy and focus on me. I did make small changes like walking to work 3 days a week, eating better and drinking more water. Results were minimal.

In the fall of 2010 I tried to take a graduate class, because I was feeling like a failure and school has always given me a ego and selfestem boost. I hated it. What I wanted was to improve my body not my mind. I dropped the class and started to exercise more, eat better and say no to situations that caused me trouble. By Thanksgiving I felt like such a failure. I found my self alone with a 10 lb turkey. I vowed that next thanksgiving I would not be home. Alone maybe, but not home.

By Christmas, I was really feeling like I needed a change. I had been casually looking into WLS, but hadn't taken the next step. I called my Dr. January 2, 2011, I asked for a recommendation. The office gave me what I needed with a warning..."I've had 15 patients go through WLS and only one was successful". WOW...I had no idea someone could fail at WLS. I mean I've seen what Al Roker has gone through, but he is on the food network and has to eat. I have no excuse. I don't have to cook for anyone else but me, I control what goes in my shopping cart and in my mouth. So why is this so hard.

Back to WLS. On January 19th I attended the WLS seminar with Dr. Polh. As I listened I knew that this is the last resort. This is the last diet I ever  attempt. I will not say try...YOU DON'T TRY SURGERY! Since the seminar I've gone through many Dr's appointments in order to get clearence. The hardest thing for me to wrap my mind around is making the commandment to a new way of life before the surgery. I know I need to make the commitment now. This is a huge commitment to me and that is how I have to look at it.

So, I'm keeping a food journal. I'm trying to stick to a post surgery diet. I'm going to the support groups and I'm drinking in all the knowledge I can to be successful. I don't know what the future looks like, but I have the power to change, and change I will.