goldiekat
Something I wrote
Jan 12, 2010
This is something I wrote 10 months or so ago. I decided it was time to do something to get the weight off. I had found out a few months before that my insurance does not pay for any kind of weight loss stuff. Pills, programs or surgery.Four Plus Letter Words Diet.
The four letter word to those that need/want to loose weight. Yeah, I know you shouldn't’t use the word diet as you are making life changes, not temporary changes.
Weight…. What do you think when you hear the word weight? For some, weight could mean weight lifting, weight loss, weight gain… when I hear the word ‘weight’… I think, darn that four letter plus (two) word again. That is a word I do not like hearing or thinking about. Then there is the other four letter plus word… exercise. (uggh, hide me, hide me).
What do you feel when you hear any of these words? Me? Guilt (I cheat too much), frustrated, helpless, angry, depressed…. I am sure I can find more words but I bet you have gotten the point. And here is where the cycle comes in. Promise to eat right, cheat or fall off the 'life changes' wagon and then comes the guilt, and for some that, makes us eat even more… The thinking here in my case is, shoot already failed so lets make it worth it I will just eat more cookies and while we are at it, lets add some ice cream too.
My sister and I have fought our weight for years. Part of our problem is in our genes. (No pun intended, okay maybe a little one) One time we were talking and she told me ‘Do you realize how big we would be if we didn't’t diet four days out of the week?” Boy isn't that truth. I am good at staying with it for most of the week, then the weekend rolls around and the kids are home and… again you get the point. We would be as wide as we were tall if we didn't’t watch it for those four days.
I have tried all kinds of diets over the years. In 1994 I did a low fat diet called Eat More Weigh Less and though I don’t remember how much I lost I know I got down to 145 lbs, but got pregnant with my son and stopped. Yes, that was an excuse. Low fat food is also low taste to me. Then for a year I took Ma Haung every day. That wasn't good. I still feel my heart speed up way to fast when I am doing nothing but sitting and reading. It also did something to my stomach. I have to be careful when I take vitamins, supplements, and medications as even on a full stomach I will get sick. I have boxes full of different brands of stuff and I have spent a lot of money trying to find something I could tolerate. I have decided I need to find coated vitamins that doesn't’t want my first born as a down payment.
I did the low carb diet at beginning of the 2000’s. They had an info commercial on TV called High Protein, Low Carb, after watching it I got really excited. At the time I worked at Walden books store and ended up buying the Adkins diet book when it came out. It seemed easier and aren't’t we all for easier? I really did loose weight and loved it at first. Who doesn't’t like a good steak and boy did I have a good reason to eat some! Yeah, I ate chicken but we lived on a farm/ranch and I had a freezer full of home grown beef. The only thing is I could never get off the induction part (again cheating, I think the longest I lasted was 10 days), then it got to the point that I craved carbs so bad that if you offered me a snickers candy bar or a slice of plain white bread, well I would have that slice of bread gone before you were done offering. I couldn't’t even walk down the bread isle at the super market. I never realized how good that isle smelled, till I was on that diet. That diet went to the gutter when I lost my gall bladder and my Dr. told me it was because of my high fat diet. Yeah I did’t do it right. For the next year I craved cakes and pies, not candy.
I even ate once a day for about six months and got down to 180lbs. This was in 2003 I think. Yeah, had more to go but I was over 200 lbs when I started. My excuse for dropping that one? Well, the Holidays rolled around and I got cable and started watching all those cool cooking shows and had to go and try them out. Rachel Ray had some great recipes that year and I still love the taco pizza one with the corn bread crust that you cooked in a big cast iron skillet. Something I have and did’t/don’t get to use much. The food network channel is soooo not a good channel to watch when making those 'life changes'. Ughh.
Then we have the Weight Watchers diet, oops, I mean plan. One I can remember my foster mom doing more than 20 years ago. We would joke how she lost weight because she was spending more time weighing and measuring then eating. I was a teen and did’t really need to worry too much about weight. I thought the diet was to hard to follow, but they then came out with their point system. They more or less made a counting calories for dummies plan. Now we were talking. It was easy to follow and even if I cheated it wasn't life threatening. Yeah, measuring is still part of it, but it doesn't’t seem as hard as before. I have actually done this one several times. I stopped the first time as I heard about how quickly you lost on the low carb diet and switched. I then went back on it after loosing my gall bladder and the second time on it I stopped when I went and got a divorce. Hmmm, I am so not one of those peoples that loose weight when life gets difficult. I'm a gainer instead. I have tried to get the gastric bypass surgery but my insurance doesn't’t believe in helping with anything weight loss. With all the studies you think they would have figured out by now that in the end they will save money. I even tried to get a supplemental insurance to help with the cost. That was a real moral booster let me tell you. This is how a typical conversation went:
Me: My name is Jeanette and I am looking for additional insurance.
Insurance person: Great, I know we can help you. We have all kinds of different plans so we will have something that will work for you. What are you looking for?
Me: Great, I have a group plan through my work but there are some things they will not cover. I need coverage for those things.
Insurance person: OK, well like I said I know we will have a plan to help you. What does your insurance not cover?
Me: Well, see my insurance doesn't’t help with anything to do with weight gain. I am trying to find a plan that will help with the cost of the gastric bypass surgery.
Insurance person: You qualify for the gastric bypass surgery?
Me: Huh, well, yeah, just barely on the BMI and I have sleep apnea and acid reflux.
Sales Person: Well if you qualify for that surgery then you will not qualify for any of our plans. CLICK
Gee, talk about kicking a fat person already down. I had BCBS salesMAN and Humana One salesMAN say this too me. As I quietly hit the off button on my cell phone I thought ‘I hope quality control was listening in on that conversation'.
My sister had this surgery about 5 years or so ago and has done really well on it. No, she did’t get down to a size two or even a four. Like me she just wanted the extra off. I will be happy with a size 12 but I won’t say no going down to a 10 or even lower. Even for a day would make me happy. To be honest anytime I think about trying to make changes in my eating habits (need to stop looking at it as dieting… it is not a temporary thing.) I always think weight watchers/low carb combined. I now know the induction part of the diet is actually really bad for your body and so I wouldn't want my body to go into ketoses.
So, there is count my points, watch my carbs through less breads, pasta, corn and potatoes, not cutting them out just not eating them as much, and then exercising through strength training. Now here is the other thing, after some reading I have been doing I am thinking of bumping it up some. I don’t know if you have read anything about a diet called calorie shifting but I have been trying to find more information, like an actual daily menu plan without giving my CC info. Most sites I read ended up being another form of ads for the original program and I was right back to them wanting money. (Money is made OUT of trees it doesn't’t GROW on the trees). I did find a place that I was able to sign up and get a menu every day for seven days but some of the items on the list just didn't seem enough to me. I am not trying to loose all the weight in a short period of time. It took me years to gain it and so now I am in for a slow loss. I have read that if you loose it fast you will gain it back faster. So let’s lose slowly and not gain back at all. Anyways, I figured out for the most part what the calorie shifting diet is. More or less you are jumping your calorie intake around. You don’t eat the same amount of calories every day. We all know how quickly our body can adjust and pretty soon we are either at a stand still or back to gaining. The older we get or the more we have done the yo-yo dieting the harder it is to get our bodies to give it up. (The weight). The other part is eating small portions about six times a day. Personally with my job schedule changing around it will be easier said then done.
But this got me thinking about something I had read in the woman’s world magazine when I was doing the WW. I always thought it was called the ‘unauthorized weight watchers plan’ but on the internet it is called the Wendie Plan http://www.stormpc.com/ww/wendie_plan.htm. And basically this is the same as calorie shifting. You just keep your body confused as to what it needs to be burning. You have your low point days high point days med point days and so forth. The main difference is you can choose what you eat every day and so if you want the snickers bar well you just subtract the points. I recommend following the link to the Wendie Plan as she explains it very well. I do have the point schedule if you are like me and your point range is higher then what Wendie’s was. Just ask.
For those of you that have done WW, then you know you can earn points from exercising. I found this scribbled in my journal. I am not sure where it came from but it gives you the formula on how to figure out your earned points from exercising. You should round down as better to count less then too many.
Light Activity is your current weight x # of mins x .000232
Mod Activity is your current weight x # of mins x .000327
Heavy Activity your current weight x # of mins x .0008077
I am taking one day at a time. That is all anyone can do. I am not a professional in the sense that I have gone to school, but I have made ‘life changes’ enough times in my life using different methods that I know or at least hope I know what works for me! If anyone wants to join with me in making life changes then send me a message. I don’t care were you live or how young or old you are, the more the merrier I say. Now, as you know the slow part is not happening as I am now scheduled for surgery on Feb. 5th, 2010. I know my eating habits leave a lot to be desired.... DUH I am FAT. But the biggest part is I am ALWAYS hungry. It could be head hunger. If it is, then it sure is playing a hell of a head game, cuz I will literally throw up acid if I go to long between meals.
After I wrote the blog, I lasted probably 3 months then got really tired of oatmeal and ham sandwiches. I ate a lot of that as I knew I needed to eat every so often so I don't get over hungry and end up getting sick. Therefor low point foods. Yeah, I ate a lot of ham as it was cheap and had protein in it and low points. Oatmeal was filling and again low points. Single mom here, one income lol.
I am not trying to say I know it all, or my way is the only way. After my surgery I will be like most and protein, protein, protein, water, water, water will be my main goal. No I really don't want koteses as I already have had a round with kidney stones.... and sadly... I lost :( Holy cow and everything that was painful! Plus they prevalent in my family. My 17 year old has already had a round with them and lost. She passed two in a weeks time a couple years ago. Those energy drinks are a big fat NO-NO in my house! So, anything that will mess with my kidneys..... uuhhh, hhmmm, am sure you understand. The one thing that I will work like heck on though is getting my carbs from high glycemic index foods. BTW, I am not going to worry about the calorie shifting unless I stall for too long. My goal is not to have to worry about it though, but it is there and it can be another tool if I ever need it.
When I dream of myself or picture myself in my head I do not see the person I see in the mirror. I think of myself when I was a size 12 or smaller. I hate clothes shopping cuz there is a mirror showing me a stranger and one that I actually am not happy with. I mean honestly? How many times have I failed at a diet? If I was a better person I would have stuck with it and still be the person I see in my head, not the person in the mirror.
I walked into a room once and saw a person standing there. She looked really sad and next thing I know she was crying. It was loud and it was scaring the crap outta me, she was taking deep gulping breaths, yet it seemed she couldn't catch her breath. I asked her what was wrong and she just shook her head. I tried to hug her but no matter how hard I tried to wrap my arms around her I just couldn't. I kept trying but she kept moving away. She said 'Stop, I don't deserve it." I asked her why and again she just shook her head, then she shrugged. I stood there what seemed like forever while she cried and cried. I felt lost, and helpless. After awhile the crying slowed and then stopped. I asked her if there was anything I could do and she shook her head. I slowly turned around and realized I was in my bathroom. I jerked around in surprised to see who was behind me. I was facing a mirror.
That was something I wrote when I was younger and I know there are a lot of people that can relate to this. How many times have we turned away help thinking we don't deserve it? I can only answer for me and I can say a lot of times. Now, I don't always feel like this but every now and then it creeps up on me. Usually it is the Holiday season.
When I think about my life after surgery I get very excited. It may seem petty and maybe am not looking at this right but I think of all the people who have made me feel like less of a person because of my weight, my lack of self control. I am sure you know what I am talking about when I say, those little discusted looks they give you when they don't think you will notice. Some don't bother to even hide it. Especially the younger generation. Now they can 'Kiss This' (and it ain't my cherry red lips either) lol. Now, don't get me wrong this isn't the only reason I am making this life change. I actually started researching the band in MX as this was the cheapest surgery and would give me my control back. I KNOW I can do this if I just didn't have to fight the constant hunger. While doing the research I stumbled upon someone who had the band and had revised to the sleeve. So I started researching it and realized I found what would work for me. I won't have to worry about finding someone state side to handle the fills and stuff either, and I won't have to worry about the malabsorption like my sister does.
I already talked to my PCP and though he won't do anything with the actual sleeve itself he will take out the stitches and run blood work when I need it. No problem. His nurse told me they actually have another patient who went to the same DR. So she knew the name Dr. Almanza. She told me this other patient has done really well too. Made my day hearing this.
Okay, before this turns into a Novella I will close. When the mood hits me I will write more, doubt it will be as long though :o) (no cheering lol)
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About Me
Vega, TX
Location
42.0
BMI
Surgery
02/05/2010
Surgery Date
Dec 06, 2009
Member Since
