It has been forever

Sep 04, 2012

I haven't updated this in forever and it really shows.

I lost all my weight with my band, and have done great. Well, mostly. This past winter I picked up some weight but considering it in the grand scheme of things it wasn't terrible. That and it scared me enough to start being careful again, lest I return to what I was. Our compulsions never leave and I can tell myself that I have learned new ways of eating but I know deep down that the old habits could come back full force and leave me in a mess if I didn't have a tool to help me.

This brings me to the next part. In April I suddenly noticed that I had been getting stuck much more often and that it wasn't always me being careless. When I woke up to this my band had tightened (I know, the band does not tighten, it is tissue swelling around it), to a point that plain yogurt was iffy in the morning and many dinners I would only get a bite or two down before having to stop. One night I got really hungry and knew that the rest of dinner wasn't going to work so I let some Life cereal get soggy and started to eat it. When that wouldn't go down I called the surgeons office the next morning.

They took me in for a total unfill and sent me for an UGI (which was normal). We waited 2 weeks and I was still very tight so I scheduled an appointment with the surgeon. At that time we agreed to wait another 6 weeks to see what happened. Well, I improved, but not enough. At that appointment the surgeon announce that my band had to come out. I cried.

We sent in the request for approval for revision to a vsg to the insurance but didn't hold out much hope. I was losing weight (by then I had de=carbed), my bmi is low and there was nothing we could prove was wrong. Surprisingly they approved!  On Aug. 21 I had my band out and was revised to a sleeve. The kicker of it is that there was nothing wrong with the band, no scar tissue, no erosion, slip, adhesions, etc. Just a nice little band and me with tissues that like to swell for unknown reason.

Since I had been practically leaping tall buildings 10 days after my band, ( mowing lawn, 45 minute walks, rototilling my garden and planting) I figured this would be slower but comparable. HAH! Silly woman. I feel as if I have been pulled backward through a knot hole and worse. It started the evening after surgery with what felt like horrible trapped gas. It was as if I had a huge belch trapped dead center in my chest that could not be relieved. It was agonizing and didn't relieve no matter what they gave me. The next morning I went for my UGI leak check and could only swallow a very tiny amount of the contrast before practically flipping out. They had to stop. Fortunately no leaks but it showed an obstruction... of swollen tissue. Only the tiniest trickle of contrast went through. I had surgery on Tues. a.m. and didn't leave until Fri. noon. The whole time I was in misery. I convinced them I could get the protein down so they discharged me. By Sunday night very little was going in so they sent me to an infusion center on Mon. and I got 2 liter bags of IV fluid, 100 ml of vitamins and another 100 ml of decadron to reduce swelling. Gosh I felt better!

I was good on Tues. but weaker on Wed. and it finally dawned on me that I was getting in 1/4tsp. sips but they weren't enough to take a pill and I had then been a full week without mine. I went back in and they scheduled me for an endoscopy and more fluids for Fri. By that time I was so weak I could hardly hold myself upright. During the endo they opened me back up to the desired 12-15 cm. and said that if we needed to do it again it wasn't a problem. Better to do it again than make it too loose.

I am doing much better, getting 1/2 my fluids and 1/2 my protein (at the same time) and had my 2 week post op appointment today. What concerns me is that since we got home (I am still much too weak to drive) not much has wanted to go down, again. If I continue to have this I will call back in. Now that I know that I don't need to panic I am more likely to be able to swallow. I am even getting most of my meds, though on occasion they come flying back.

From the first night I was up all night bringing up huge quantities of phlegm and slime (TMI) and coughing a lot. That has improved a great deal as well and am able to sleep fairly well. I just need many more hours than most.

This has been very difficult for me to write because nothing in me wanted to go through with all this. I have had terrible buyers remorse and struggled with discouragement, isolation, disappointment, and all the rest. Then, Sunday morning when I felt like crap and was nearly too weak to do my down the meds walk around the yard God started talking to me. He asked me to think back to around 3 years ago and why I started to think of wls. I remember I was 214 pounds on a 5'4" frame, most of it belly. I had been diagnosed diabetic, had a crappy family history of cardiac and stroke, my cholesterol was around 489, my blood pressure wasn't being controlled with my meds, my asthma was worse, I had sleep apnea, pain all over, and had a crappy quality of life. I was approaching my 60th birthday and knew I was dying. We lost a daughter/sister/mother/granddaughter/beloved aunt unexpectedly 5 years ago and I knew what my family has gone through. I couldn't justify putting them back in that position because I couldn't control my eating by myself. The decision was made for wls.

After looking back and changing perspective I am now ready to move forward. I am back at my goal weight (145 and was 162 the day of surgery) I am not doing this to be thin. I just don't want to die so I will work this tool as hard as I did my band.

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