It's amazing...

Apr 03, 2010

I weigh just over 200. That's below my initial goal of 220. I can't even begin to explain how good I look. I know I'd get a lot more feedback if I posted pics. But I don't want mine stolen and used for other purposes. Anyway, I am curvy and nice.

Of course, there are problems. I have the arm thing which bothers me most. I can cover most everything else, but that really limits my clothing choices. I wear some cute ass things but I always put on a jacket or a shrug and it kinda kills the look. Oh well. Soon.

Soon I am having plastic surgeries. That's the next step. When I hit 180 I am going for my consult. I expect that to be in the middle of the summer. Just 20 lbs away. I know now that i'm smaller each pound counts more. At 332 it's easy to lose 20 lbs. But you don't look any different. At 200, 20 lbs is a lot. And it shows. So I like to think in percentages. Anyway..

What do I do? I eat very little. I don't really like much food. I like tasty things. And I eat them sometimes, of course I throw up afterwards. I don't have dumping syndrome and my daily diet is mostly pepsi. I have to have my caffeine. I drink alcohol regularly. I love throwing up. I don't binge. I usually eat only once a day. I typically run myself down every few weeks to the point that I am nearly dead. I am dehydrated and tired and weak and emotional. I cry and whine but I am thin. And I love it. I give myself a week to recover where I eat protein and drink water and get a B12. But after I start feeling good again I go back to not eating and throwing up anything I do eat. I'd be Ana if anything but surely it's just EDNOS.

I am happy with things. It's all working for me. I look great and I have control over stuff. This is what I wanted. Surgery was amazing for me. It took away my hunger. And made throwing up so easy.

I am looking forward to my life. Looking forward to my future. I am fitting into a size 16-14 now at nearly 5'9. My measurements are 42-37-47. Hourglass. I was over the 50s easy before. I measured when I was 14 and I was really small (130s) and I was a 36-32-40something. So I'm really not too far away from those measurements. Most of me is stuff that needs surgery. Stuff I can't fix.

So happy. Anyway, just wanted to let you know....

I finally figured out what worked for me. And I am quite happy.

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