Georgianne Z.

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Well, I just got back from shopping for baby bowls and spoons and some other supplies for the surgery when Debbie from Dr. Korus called.  She said due to some scheduling issues, they moved my date to April 5th.  That is this coming Thursday.  It is also Holy Thursday!   So, instead of April 11th it is April 5th.

I cannot tell you how blessed and grateful to God I am.  The day before and of my original date forecasts snow/ice/bad weather.  I took next week off already and I have been driving myself insaine with just things going on in my head.  I am never like that so it is strange for me.  But today, my date was moved up to the 5th - Holy Thursday.  I have a lot to do quickly and some people need to change their schedules for me but I think this is the best thing!  Thank you God!!

Ok, now I gotta get off my hiney and start doing some things! lol 

I had been procrastinating the next item on my To Do list - tell my mother about the surgery.  My mother is 80 years old and as alike my father and I were, that is how different I am from my mother.  I also am a caretaker for her which has its challenges at times.  I did not particularly want the entire Greek community in the area to know that I am having the surgery so I was holding off as long as possible.  I had no doubts that she would be as supportive as she is able to be, but I was being totally selfish in not wanting this news to be a reason for dramatics on her part.  

I told my mother that I had some good news, and that I was having the surgery.  She started to cry and at first I couldn't tell if that was happy or sad tears until she got out of bed (big shocker) and took her walker and walked over to me and hugged me.  Then she asked all sorts of questions - good questions actually.  It was a pleasant conversation.  It was fleeting but it happened. lol I am grateful for those few moments that she was not mean to me.  

I do believe her when she said she would not tell anyone.  I think in her eyes, it is a pride thing.  She wont have to tell anyone how I lost weight.  

My prayers were answered.

And the countdown continues.  My surgery is 2 weeks away and I have a lot of shopping to do.  Friday (3/30) is my last day at work until after surgery.  I usually take Holy Week off to spend it in Church and this year is no different.  I especially need it this year.  So, I have off next week, then I prep for surgery for 2 days then I have surgery.  

I am being so paranoid about getting sick.  First it was about weight loss/gain.  Then it was about my sugars.  Now it is about me getting sick.  Everyone at work is sick or has been sick and I just want to go to work with a mask on.  So today, I am working from home!  :=)  

People ask me if I am excited.  And I really am excited.  I am also sad, scared, happy, angry, hopeful, nervous, and I could go on and on.  There has been so much that has lead up to this surgery.  I really wonder if people realize that this is not a small inconcequential thing we do when we voluntarily put ourselves into the hands of those talented surgeons to help us radically alter our lives.   One friend of mine made quite an acurate statement for someone who has not had the surgery but has listened to me for countless hours.  He said, "There is only one other radical change I can think of that would parallel this - a sex change."  lol While it is kind of funny, it is also a pretty good assessment.  Radical lifestyle change.  

I am ready for this "radical lifestyle change".  I am ready for this new life that God has so lovelingly allowed me to have.  

I am still amazed at how loving and caring everyone is with me about this.    

Ok, so I got my information on what I do days before surgery and who I call when to get my surgery time, etc.  I even asked a friend to take my before photos.  Oh I hate me in photos but I wanted to document this.

I think the first thing I want to do is swim.  I want to swim.  I LOVE swimming.  The thought of swimming again is making me smile.  

Now I am just babbling so I will end this.  Just 2 weeks away.. 

Well, today was pre-admission testing and my nutrition class.  I found out what I will be eating/drinking and not eating/drinking for the first few weeks after surgery.   

Everyone was very nice at the hospital.  The building is old but I really like everyone who I met at the testing.  I really would like to have someone there for my sister while I am in surgery.  I am working on that.

It surely made things so real today.  I forgot what surgery is like.  When I had my hysterectomy, it happened so quickly - within 2 weeks, that I was just working on auto drive.  I forgot about a lot of what happens - like pre-admission testing.

It is an amazing thing that happens during the preparation for this surgery.  Last week my date was confirmed so I began telling people and making things final.  I've had such an overwhelming response of support.  There are a select few that have been a bit challenging.  

During the nutrition session, it became a reality of how much a part of food will need to be apriority but in a way that I will need to relearn.  I am scared.  I think I need help with this.

With all the emotions and stresses, I still know that this is what I should be doing.  This is my future and this surgery will give me a new life I have wanted!  It is work, too.

Well, my surgery is three weeks from today.  Today, I am excited.  I am confident in Dr. Korus and in my choice.  Actually, I am always confident in Dr. Korus.  He and Karen and Debbie at the office are absolutely wonderful.  I am so glad that I feel this way about them too.

Pre-admission testing is tomorrow and so is my lesson about my new life with food with Karen.  That's the last step!  Woo hoo! lol.  

I've worked for a year to get a date for surgery.  I have the date - April 11th.  I have the ball in motion at work and getting things ready.  I have pre-admission testing on Thursday.  It is going to happen.  It is real.  I might actually have a future.  I have been given hope.  And it is scary.

Friends are opening their hearts and time and life to help me get through to the other side of this surgery.  Doctors are collaborating for my health.  And all I sitting here crying.  The life I knew is coming to an end.

In 1989, I went into a treatment center to change my life.  I thought that it woudl change my life forevever and I would have a new life without the food ruling my life.  My dad thought so too.  4 years later he died and here I am, still fighting for my life.  

My heart aches so much because all I want right now is a hug from my dad before I go into surgery.  I am so overwhelmed.  Last week I cried with fear of them not giving me surgery.  Today I am crying because I am going to have the surgery.   I have been so afraid to hope for so many years.  Hope can bring disappointment.  It is less painful not to hope.  Now, this surgery gives me hope.  If I fail at this, I die.  It is my last resort.

I read some letters my father sent me when I was in the hospital in 1989.  He gave me a gift then and I got the gift again reading them yesterday.   I pray he is proud of me.  I don't want to let him down anymore.

So many people have just reached out to support me.  I am overwhelmed by that too.  So on April 11th, 2007, Dr. Korus, whom I trust beyond a shadow of a doubt, will alter my body - the body God gave me.  I could not handle the gift He gave me of this body.  But God gave the surgeon's this procedure to help people like me.

I'll be different and yet the same.  Who will I be?  God's child that want to please Him.  

Please pray for me, a sinner. 

Well, today the date was confirmed!!!  I will be having my gastric bypass on April 11th, 2007 Renewal/Bright week!  Dr. Korus is the best!  God really has been so good to me.  I am so incredibly grateful for the move to Dr. Korus.  

They will be doing a biopsy of my liver while they are in there because my liver panel continues to be really out of wack.  So, we'll see what is going on there as well.

Oh.. and I lost 10 pounds from when I saw him in February.  He asked me to lose 4!  Woo hoo!  He didn't give me an amount to lose but just said that I would be better off if I continued to lose.  He was very comforting about the CPAP too.  I will continue to use it nightly as much as I can.

I am so grateful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My nephew/Godson means the most to me.  He is the closest I'll have to my own child and I live almost like he is mine.   He's known me no other way but heavy - although he has seen me at various weights.  Some weight have been like now, extreme, and he's seen me lose weight.  Throughout his entire life (all of 8 years), I've never ever heard him say anything about thin, fat, skinny, big, or anything about weight.  He is such a caring and compassionate little boy.  He sees through exteriors a lot.  Well, he must have just learned something in school because today while we were shopping, I had my coat open and he poked my tummy and said, "Nouna, you're fat."  He didn't say it as an insult or as teasing.  To him, it was a fact that he was telling me this.  I said in his ear, " I know I am, it is not nice to tell someone that though."  He saw the tears in my eyes and felt so horrible about it.  I cried and walked away so he wouldn't see how much that just broke my heart.  He came over and said, "I am sorry Nouna". I know he meant it.  It wasn't one of those sorry's that kids give just to say it.  He felt badly and I really don't think he had any clue why what he said was hurtful to me.  I hugged and kissed him and told him I loved him very much.  He was so sweet and rubbed my arm.  

He really had no idea what he had said.  For so long I was just Nouna,.  I wasn't fat to him.  I was just me.  But now, he knows I am fat and different.  My heart is so incredibly broken. 

Well, two days ago I faxed my sugars into my PCP for her review.  (It took me 3 times for her to get them!  Ugh).  Anyway, I was hoping that she would agree to do some testing now to see what my A1C's are.  But, alas, she said to wait another 3 weeks and send her my sugars.  And at the end of February I will have a full blood work done.

So, I wait another month.  Maybe this is my time to lose some weight and get more used to my CPAP (which still makes me bleed).  

I also have to say that it is nice to see my sugars so low.  It has been such a long time.  I am getting used to giving myself the shots and making sure I take them at the same time.  

So, that's the update for now.  After hearing about some news about other patients and their complications and one death recently, I am a bit more tolerant of waiting for the right moment to have this surgery.  I do not want to die which is why I am doing this.  So after a lifetime of this, I guess I can wait a month or so to prepare myself for this.

If I were really creative, I would try and think of some other abbreviations for CPAP!  Crappy Pressure Aggrevating P..  lol

The head of the langhorne sleep center motivated me to keep trying my CPAP.  I last about an hour and then my face hurts so I take it off.  In fact, one night I just said, deal with it and the clostriphobic (sp?) feeling and just do it.  I lasted I think about 2 hours then I just couldn't do it anymore.  The next day, I woke with 101 fever.  I get sick from that thing.  

I will keep trying.  I have no choice.  I want this surgery.  I NEED this surgery.  I don't want to die.  I want to live to see my 40th birthday this summer.  

As a side note, I think my A1C will be almost 8.  I am just waiting for the doctor to give me the RX to get the test done.  I read the boards and I really am grateful for everyone there.  They are so inspiring.  Especially Heather G. and others.